


Another Another

by beautiful_fiscal_siren



Category: Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga), Fruits Basket Another
Genre: Akito is a good mom, Canon compliant through the end of Fruits Basket Another Vol. 3, F/M, Fluff, Gen, I just want Sawa to be happy, Post-Canon, SO MUCH FLUFF, Slight canon divergence from Fruits Basket Another #13, Spoilers for Fruits Basket and Fruits Basket Another, Trigger Warning: Emotional Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 53,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22552486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautiful_fiscal_siren/pseuds/beautiful_fiscal_siren
Summary: Mitoma Sawa grows up, deals with her manipulative mother, meets the elder Sohmas, and watches with some alarm as Shiki keeps getting taller.
Relationships: Lots of background furuba canon relationships, Mitoma Sawa & Honda Tohru, Mitoma Sawa & Sohma Akito, Mitoma Sawa/Sohma Shiki
Comments: 148
Kudos: 185





	1. Chapter 1

Tonight was sort of a special occasion. Sohma Momiji was visiting Kinu’s house for dinner and Sawa was going to meet him for the first time. She was a little nervous. Mina’s father owned a very successful company and traveled all around the world for his work. Apparently he had been staying at the main house for a few days, but he wanted to, as Mutsuki put it, “energize himself by dining with the youth.” 

However, it quickly became clear to Sawa that Momiji didn’t need energizing. As soon as he and Mina stepped into the living room, Sora jumped up and squealed, and Momiji picked her up in a hug and spun her around. He then did the same thing to Chizuru, who had arrived a minute later. Sawa had to stifle a laugh at Chizuru’s grumpy expression while he was being spun around. 

Sawa listened to the happy chatter behind her as she returned to meticulously chopping chives at the kitchen counter. Suddenly, she was knocked forward as arms encircled her waist.

“Sawa!!” Mina cried, squeezing Sawa tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here! 

“Ah!” Sawa had nicked her finger with the knife. She grabbed her left hand quickly, not even looking to see how deeply she was cut, and turned, smiling, to face the newcomers. “Mii-chan! Hello!” 

Mina hadn’t noticed anything. “ _ Vati _ , this is Mitoma Sawa! Sawa, this is my papa!”

Sohma Momiji was tall and handsome, with wavy blonde hair and smile lines around his mouth. He chuckled as Mina grabbed his arm and swung it around happily.

Sawa started to say, “Sohma-san, it’s very nice to—“ but Hajime interrupted her. 

“Mina! You have to be more careful in the kitchen; you just made Mitoma cut her hand.”

“Ah! No, it’s nothing, really!” said Sawa, clutching her hand tighter.

“It’s not nothing,” said Hajime. “Mina, get Mitoma a bandage. Hey Riku! Come finish up the chives. ”

“I’m so sorry, Sawa!” Mina said, grabbing Sawa’s elbow and pulling her toward the living room. 

“Damnit,” mumbled Riku, stirring from his place on the floor. “Why do I have to—“

“Oh, let me do it!” said Momiji, picking up the knife. “It was my fault anyway; Mina was too excited to introduce me. It’s nice to meet you, Sawa-chan! Please call me Momiji.” 

“Eh?! I couldn’t—” Sawa tried to protest over her shoulder, but then Mina was making her sit down and Shiki was asking her to show him the cut. 

Sawa finally released her left hand and examined her finger. “It’s not bad,” she said. 

“It’s bleeding. You should wash it first,” said Shiki.

Sawa gloomily left to wash her hands in the bathroom.  _ What a disastrous introduction _ … 

When she returned, Shiki was waiting for her in the hallway outside the living room. He gestured for her to hold out her injured finger.

“Are you okay?” he asked, quickly wrapping the bandage around her finger and pressing it down. 

“Of course! I was barely bleeding,” said Sawa, turning her head away to stare intently at the wall. 

“That’s not what I meant,” said Shiki. “...You know that could’ve happened to any one of us, right? Mina practically tackled you.”

Sawa’s face felt hot. She shut her eyes. How did Shiki always know what she was thinking?

“I’m always so clumsy. I should’ve been…” She felt frustration welling up. “...better. I should’ve been more aware of my surroundings.”

Shiki was quiet for a long moment, so Sawa looked back at him. 

He was watching her thoughtfully. “You’ve been helping cook meals here for a couple months now, right? Have you ever cut yourself before?”

Sawa thought back. “...No, but—“

Shiki hummed. “I don’t think you’re actually that clumsy. Have you ever seen Mutsuki-san try to cut vegetables? It’s a mess. But the dishes you help with always turn out perfect.”

Sawa was speechless. 

“Come on, I bet the food’s ready,” said Shiki, and he slipped back into the living room. 

As expected, Momiji was friendly and talkative, just like Mina. He described his latest trip to the UK and all the tourist spots they should visit there if they get the chance. He asked Hajime about his plans for college, and listened intently as Chizuru told him about his family’s new store.

“I’m glad to hear it’s going so well, but you kind of threw Sawa-chan to the lions there, didn’t you?”

“No kidding!” said Mutsuki. “We had to keep checking on her, or I swear Hibika would’ve scared her away from the Sohmas forever.”

“Very true,” said Momiji. “These kids have really roped you into our wild family, huh Sawa-chan?”

“Not at all, they’ve been very kind to me!” Sawa said. 

Momiji suddenly looked very mischievous. “So, they must’ve told you all the best family stories, right?”

Sawa hesitated. “N—not really.”

“No? I’ll have to fix that. Let’s see… Ooh, I know! Stop me if you've heard this one. When I got married, Hajime was about three, and he  _ really  _ hated the dress clothes his mom made him wear, so he—”

“Are you kidding me?!” Hajime yelled as Mutsuki cracked up. “She doesn’t need to know that story!”

Momiji held up his arms placatingly, but his smile only grew wider. “Ok, ok, you’re right, that was too much. How about when Hajime was five and he challenged Mutsuki’s dad to a duel because he heard that—”

“Aaargh!” Hajime threw his hands across Momiji’s mouth, but Momiji had already dissolved into cackling laughter. 

“Why is it always me…” Hajime moaned. 

After dinner, Momiji wanted to play cards. Sawa was terrible at it, but Sora wouldn’t let her quit. She even whispered hints to Sawa, which made Chizuru mad. 

“No helping!” he yelled. “If Sawa-san wins now it won’t count.”

Momiji pouted. “I want Sora-chan to help meee.”

Riku snorted. “Mitoma’s still not going to win; Sora’s awful at this game.”

Sawa was starting to get used to the Sohma’s casual teasing, although she wouldn’t dream of teasing any of them. She really enjoyed watching them all interact, though. Chizuru yelled a lot but he was never truly angry. Sora was goofy, sometimes messing up on purpose or acting oblivious just to get a laugh. Hajime got really serious about games, especially if Mutsuki was playing. He would lean in and focus quietly, and if he lost he would groan loudly and flop backwards onto the ground. And Momiji’s cheerfulness was infectious; Sawa couldn’t remember ever seeing such a carefree adult. Were all the Sohmas amazing? It didn’t seem fair to other people.

Mina had started yawning halfway through the card game, so when it was over—Riku won—Momiji announced they would be heading home. He pulled Sawa aside while Mina was saying goodbyes. 

“Sawa-chan, it was a pleasure to meet you. Before we go I just wanted to say—please take care of Shiki-kun, won’t you? He’s a good kid, we all just want him to be happy.”

Sawa blushed. “W-w-wha—um, um, yes! Of course!”

Momiji grinned and patted her on the head. “Good girl.”

He left to say goodbye to the others, leaving Sawa in a daze.

Mutsuki and Hajime walked Sawa home. Strong winds earlier in the day had left the autumn trees almost bare. Mutsuki chattered on about student council and school gossip as the trio rustled through a blanket of crunching leaves. 

“You seem especially quiet, Mitoma-san,” Mutsuki said after a while. “Something on your mind?”

“Huh? No, it’s nothing! Tonight was fun. Momiji-san sure is lively.”

“He sure is,” Mutsuki agreed. 

“So much laughter…” Sawa mused.

“I wouldn’t mind a little less laughter,” said Hajime darkly.

They walked in silence for a bit.

“Is your mom home today?” Mutsuki asked.

Sawa sighed. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Do you still have that letter that I made you? The one saying there was a big student council meeting? I don’t think I put a specific date on it…”

“Yeah, I have it. It’s just…” Sawa shook her head. “Nevermind. Thanks for walking me home.”

“No problem,” said Mutsuki. “Oh! Mitoma-san, Sora told you we’re going to the movies on Sunday, right? Can you make it?”

“Ahhh, I can’t,” Sawa said quickly.

“Aw, are you sure?” asked Mutsuki. “Everyone’s going to be there. Michi, Chizuru, Shiki...”

“I appreciate the invite, but my mom will notice if I spend money on something like that. She really hates wastefulness, so—“

“It’s on us, Mitoma, so you should really come,” Hajime said. 

“Oh, n-no I couldn’t ask you to—” Sawa stuttered.

Mutsuki cocked his head to the side. “You didn’t ask, we offered. Everyone will miss you if you can’t make it. Please?”

“This guy,” said Hajime, bumping Mutsuki with his shoulder, “has been talking about seeing this movie for months, and it’s all he’s going to want to talk about afterwards, so you better see it with us, if only to understand Mutsuki’s ramblings next week.”

Mutsuki chuckled at that. Sawa looked at both of them. They really did seem to want to pay for her ticket. 

“Alright...” she said slowly. “I’ll be there.”

To Sawa’s relief, the apartment was empty. But just the thought of needing to use that fake letter and lying to her mother had set her heart on edge. She hated feeling like she was sneaking around. She knew it would be a mess if her mother found out who she was spending time with, and Sawa didn’t want that, but why should she have to feel guilty about hanging out with friends? It was so frustrating. 

Sawa shook her head to clear her thoughts as she set her things in her room. She didn’t need to be worrying right now. She tried to think of happier things, and she realized she was really looking forward to going to the movies. She couldn’t remember ever having been to one before. Tickets were so expensive… but the Sohmas spent money on fun activities all the time. It was normal for them. Sawa thought it would be nice if she could continue to join them, but she didn’t want them to keep paying for her.

_ I really need to find a part-time job _ , she thought sleepily.

The movie was very loud, and Sawa had a hard time following what was going on, but she enjoyed it anyway. She sat next to Sora, who kept stifling laughs and gasps. When it got scary, Sora grabbed onto Sawa’s arm on her left and Michi’s on her right and didn’t let go until the conflict was over.

“Ahhh that was great,” said Mutsuki when they were back in the lobby. He stretched his arms over his head and glanced at the fading light outside. “I don’t wanna go back yet. Let’s go to that restaurant around the corner.”

“Yes yes, let’s go!” agreed Michi, looping her arm through Mutsuki’s. 

“I’m so glad you’re here, Michi. Otherwise I get outnumbered by the  _ boring _ ones,” said Mutsuki, glaring back at Hajime, Shiki and Chizuru, who were standing around at the back of the group.

“I really should be studying…” mumbled Hajime, but he followed Mutsuki and Michi nonetheless.

The restaurant, Honey’s, had a yellow neon sign out front and big pictures of fried chicken and ice cream on the windows. On the inside it was brightly lit and buzzing with conversation. A paper posted straight ahead caught Sawa’s eye. It said, “Help Wanted: 15+, Evenings and Weekends. Ask a server for more details.”

Sawa’s heart leapt a little. She took another look around the restaurant. It seemed… nice. Happy. Most importantly, it was the kind of place her mom would never be interested in visiting. Suddenly Sawa felt nervous. Was it possible she could get a job somewhere like this? 

They took a seat in a big corner booth, but Sora bounced back up immediately to get drinks. 

“Place your orders!” Sora commanded.

“Tea for me, please” said Hajime. 

“Same here!” said Mutsuki.

“Milk,” said Riku.

“Juice,” said Chizuru.

“Uh-uh, Chizu-kun, you’re going to help carry everything,” Sora said sweetly, pulling Chizuru up by his arm. 

He huffed but stood up obediently.

“Sawachiii, for you?” Sora asked.

“Oh, I don’t need anything,” Sawa said, holding up her hands. 

Sora pretended to think. “If Sawachi doesn’t tell me what she wants, Sora is going to get Sawachi a big chocolate milk with two straws to share with Shii-kun…”

“Tea is fine!” Sawa said quickly.

Sora smiled. “And for Shii-kun?” 

“Water, please,” said Shiki, his face a little pink. 

Their server showed up a few minutes later, notepad in hand. He looked around their age, with a wiry build and short-cropped black hair. 

“Oh, hey Abe-kun!” said Mutsuki. “How’s it going?”

Abe flashed a sly smile. “Mutsuki-kun. You here to make my life difficult?”

Mutsuki laughed. “If I had known you worked here, I would’ve stopped in waaay sooner to make your life difficult, but alas, in front of my family I have to pretend to be a role model.”

Sawa watched this interaction with interest. A friend of Mutsuki’s worked here? After Abe had taken their orders and left, Sawa leaned in and asked Mutsuki about it.

“Abe-kun? Yeah, he’s in my class. We haven’t really hung out, but he’s a cool guy. Why do you ask? Want me to introduce you?” Mutsuki raised an eyebrow suggestively. 

Sawa wondered briefly if she could ever become immune to the Sohmas’ teasing. 

“Uh, no. That’s ok.” 

If she wanted to be taken seriously, she had to do this herself. It was no big deal, she just needed a job application. No big deal...

Mutsuki shrugged and launched into a discussion of the movie they’d watched. Sawa was lost in thoughts of first impressions and interviews when she felt Shiki’s eyes on her. 

“What?” she asked, turning to look at him. 

“What was… nevermind.” He cleared his throat. “I mean, did you know that guy or something?”

“Eh! No no, I was—“ Sawa lowered her voice. “I was just thinking that I might, um, ask about… applying for a job here.”

“Oh.” Shiki seemed to relax a little. “That’s great. I’m sure you can do it.”

Sawa smiled brightly. “Thanks, Shiki-kun.”

As everyone was getting up to leave, Sawa spotted Abe stacking dishes onto shelves near the back of the restaurant. This was her chance. She took a deep breath, clenched her fists, and slipped away from the group to talk to him.  _ Be brave, Sawa.  _

“Hi. Um, Abe-san?” 

Abe turned to look at her, surprised. “Oh, hey. You’re one of Mutsuki-kun’s cousins, right?”

Sawa sqeaked. “No! Not a cousin, just a friend. So sorry to bother you—”

“No problem. How can I help you?”

“I saw that you were hiring, and uh,” She took a deep breath. “I was wondering if I could apply?”

“Of course! Let me grab you an application, just wait here for a minute.”

_ You did it, Sawa! First step complete.  _

Abe brought back a paper application, and Sawa thanked him and headed back to the Sohmas, who were still loitering by their booth. Now, though, they were all turned toward her, watching curiously. 

“A job application?” asked Michi.

Sawa nodded bashfully. 

“Huh,” said Mutsuki. “Wait one second, guys. I’ll meet you outside.” 

Everyone started heading for the doors, but Sawa watched Mutsuki dash over to Abe and say something to him. Abe nodded, and Mutsuki grinned and patted him on the shoulder before heading back to catch up with the group.

“What’d you tell him?” asked Hajime as they stepped out into the night.

“I said that Sawa is the best worker on student council, and they’d be lucky to have her, and to please put in a good word with his manager.”

Sawa was thankful that the darkness hid her beet-red face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mitoma Sawa has my whole heart; I hope you enjoy watching her grow and be brave as much as I do. Next chapter we’ll meet even more Sohmas… maybe even a cat and a rat? 
> 
> You can listen to the writing music for this fic HERE: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0JpOSKZZraawlL1tqmU3Sq?si=nlZzwHHMTZOHI22IGpA_Kw
> 
> In particular, I’ve been channeling I Know A Place by MUNA.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek, you won't meet the cat and the rat this time, sorry! I didn't mean to lead you on, I just underestimated how much I could fit into this chapter. You DO get to meet some other former zodiacs, though, so I hope you'll forgive me.

The lights were on in the apartment. 

Standing out in the hall, Sawa checked her phone for the first time that day. 2 missed calls. No voicemail. Not too bad, then… Sawa unlocked the door slowly and stepped inside as if being quiet would help her situation at all. As if she was dealing with a wounded animal and not her own mother.

“Where the  _ hell  _ have you been?” her mother demanded. She was standing in the dark living room, hands on hips, silhouetted by the glow coming from Sawa’s bedroom. Sawa could see that her mom had gone through her drawers—her clothes and belongings were all dumped out onto the floor. That hadn’t happened in a while. 

“I was at school,” Sawa said, fumbling for her bag to pull out Mutsuki’s letter. 

If this worked, she would thank him profusely tomorrow. She would pledge herself to his service, she would worship him, she would—

Sawa’s eyes fell on the first piece of paper in her bag—the job application—and her heart stopped. Carefully she shoved a notebook over the top of it as she grabbed the letter and handed it to her mother.

“At school on a Sunday?” Her mother said doubtfully, but she just barely scanned the letter before throwing it on the table and heading toward her own bedroom. “It was incredibly rude of you not to tell me you were going to be out.”

Sawa didn’t say that she had tried calling her mother every day that week, had texted her three times to ask when she would be returning, all with no response. She just let out the breath she had been holding and silently set to work putting her bedroom back together.

“I work at the coffee shop over on fourth!” said Amane, opening up her lunch.

“Wow… Amane-chan is so mature!” said Sawa.

Amane laughed. “Not really. But I can help you practice for your interview if you want! Have you set up a time yet?”

“No! I just got the application yesterday. I don’t even know if they’ll want to interview me.”

“Don’t worry” said Mito, laying a hand on Sawa’s arm. “Why wouldn’t they want to interview you? You’re on student council; your grades are good; what else could they ask for?”

Sawa gulped. “I don’t know if I’m more worried that they won’t want to interview me or that they will.”

“Come on, Mitoma-chan!” Mito said. “Do your best! Be brave!”

Sawa laughed weakly and ran a hand down her face. “That’s what I keep telling myself…”

“Besides,” Amane said, “having a job can be fun! Is the uniform cute? Ahh, Mito-chan and I would have to visit you! It’s fun to see friends in a different setting like that.”

Sawa considered this. “Is it okay if I visit you at work sometime, Amane-chan?”

“Of course! Mito-chan has seen me at work before. Riku-kun, too!”

“Riku-kun?” Sawa’s eyed widened. “By himself?”

“Yeah! Apparently he really likes coffee.” Amane giggled. “I see him there once a week, at least.”

_ Riku-kun is so bold,  _ Sawa thought. 

“Mutsuki-senpai!” 

Sawa had gone straight to the student council room after school. 

Mutsuki jumped, startled. “Yes, Mitoma-san?”

“Thank you so much for the letter you made me!” Sawa bowed. “I’m in your debt again! Please let me know how I can return the favor.”

“Okay,” Mutsuki said seriously. “Please do all my student council work from here on out.”

Hajime smacked him on the back of the head. Mutsuki winced and smiled.

“I’m kidding, of course. No need for debt between friends, Mitoma-san. So you had to use the letter, huh?”

Sawa fidgeted awkwardly. “Yes… my mom came home yesterday while we were at the movie.”

“But everything’s okay now?” Hajime asked. “The letter worked?”

“Mmhmm. Everything’s okay.”

“You probably need to be getting home soon, though, right? Or did she leave already?” asked Mutsuki.

“I need to go. I’m sorry I can’t stay and help today.”

“It’s fine. I’ll make you a new excuse letter tonight.”

Sawa just sighed.

“Unless…” Mutsuki said, “You don’t want another one?”

“Ahh, I guess… I don’t know,” Sawa said wearily. “Yeah, I guess I had better get a new one.”

Mutsuki watched her for a moment longer. “You know, if you want to tell her about us, that’s fine.”

That  _ had  _ been what Sawa was thinking, but just hearing Mutsuki say it out loud was making her nervous. 

“We could even go with you, if you want,” Hajime added.

“Oh, no! I wouldn’t put you through that,” Sawa said quickly. “I have been thinking about telling her, but that’s my own problem.”

“What are you afraid she’ll do to us?” asked Mutsuki. “She’s already gone after our family pretty hard, and we were okay.”

Sawa closed her eyes. She thought of the story her childhood friend had recently told her about her mother.

“She… she drives people away. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but…”

“Not going to happen,” said Mutsuki sternly. “What, you’re afraid she’ll badmouth us until we don’t want to be your friend anymore? Give us a little more credit.”

Sawa hesitated. That wasn’t her fear, exactly, or not all of it. The lawsuit was terrible, but it had been about money; it hadn’t really had anything to do with Sawa. But now, what if her mom told the Sohmas how worthless Sawa was, and they realized it was true? Sawa knew she shouldn’t be thinking this way anymore, that she was not supposed to take her mother’s words to heart, but sometimes she just couldn’t stop herself.

“Well, whatever it is,” Mutsuki continued more gently, “it’s your decision. I’ll make another letter, and you can choose to use it or not. But when you want to be honest with your mother, we’ll support you 100%. And we won’t let her scare us off.” 

Sawa really wanted that to be true. 

Sawa’s mother stayed for two more days, so it was Thursday before Sawa was able to return to the restaurant to hand in the application. She wondered apprehensively if she could really keep her employment a secret from her mother—what if her mother showed up on a day Sawa was supposed to go to work? 

...No, it would be fine. The fake letter had worked great before, and her mother had barely even read it. It still made Sawa’s gut twist to think about all the lies she might have to tell and all her mother’s rage that she would have to endure if she was discovered, but Sawa was determined to move forward. She could handle it.

So, a week later when she got a phone call from the restaurant manager asking to set up an interview, she ignored her instinctive panic and accepted Amane’s offer to help her prepare. 

“Nice to meet you, Mitoma-san,” Amane said in a deep voice that made Sawa laugh. 

Sawa, Amane, and Mito were sitting in the classroom at lunch again, their desks pushed together so they could face each other. 

“What’s so funny?” said deep-voiced Amane. “You think this job is a joke?”

Sawa tried to compose herself. “P-please Amane-chan, I won’t be able to answer if you keep talking like that!”

“This is my normal voice, young lady, so if you think it’s funny then this workplace is not the right fit for—”

“Ignore her, Mitoma-chan, I’ll help you,” said Mito seriously. “Now then,” she switched to an even deeper voice than Amane had used, “please tell me your previous experience with—”

Sawa covered her face with both hands, her whole body shaking with laughter. 

Despite goofing off for the majority of their lunch break, Sawa actually did feel that she was able to get some good practice. It was a good thing, too, since she probably wouldn’t have another chance to practice before the interview—it was student council election week and Sawa had promised to help with Mutsuki’s campaign in addition to her usual student council duties. 

The time flew by, as she had expected, and Sawa found herself on Friday, with just three hours left until her interview, standing backstage in the school auditorium and shaking with nerves for  _ two _ reasons. 

“Hey, you’ll do great, Mitoma-san” Mutsuki said.

Sawa tried to steady her breathing. After all, she wasn’t the one about to give a speech—that was Mutsuki, who, of course, won the election by a landslide. No, she was just the one introducing him, so why was he so much more relaxed than her?

She knew that answer, actually. It was Mutsuki—he was always relaxed. And always sparkling. Out on that stage, she would look so dull in comparison. ...Was his attitude a skill that could be learned?  _ It would be so useful in a job interview, _ Sawa thought.

“How do you do that sparkling thing?” Sawa asked, only half-paying attention, caught in a daydream of what it would be like to dazzle her interviewers with confidence and charm...

Mutsuki laughed loudly, snapping Sawa out of it.

“It’s genetic, I’m afraid. However,” he led her to the edge of the stage, “you have your own style. People are drawn to your sincerity and diligence. Plus, you’re more adorable than me. It’s a height thing. Anyway, you remember what to say?”

Sawa flinched at the rapid compliments and briefly wondered how she was supposed to react to the height comment, but she nodded and before she could say anything else, Mutsuki was pushing her into the blinding lights of the stage. 

“You did soooo good, Sawa-Sawa,” Sora crooned, jumping along next to Mutsuki, Hajime, Riku, and Sawa as they left the school. 

“I thought my legs were going to give out,” Sawa said.

“It wasn’t noticeable,” Riku said.

“Well, as long as they keep working long enough to get me to my interview, it’s fine.”

“Are you ready for it?” Hajime asked. 

“I think so,” Sawa said, mentally running through her list of things to remember.

“You’ll be great, Sawac—DADDYYY!” Sora suddenly sprinted ahead to the curb, where a man was standing, hands in his pockets, in front of a parked car. Sora jumped onto his back. 

“Uff! Sora-chan, you’re getting too big for this,” the man said, half-smiling half-grimacing.

“I’ll never get too big!”

“Maybe not, but Daddy will definitely get too weak,” said a woman who was getting out of the car. “He’s been slacking lately.”

Sawa knew these were obviously Sora and Riku’s parents. They looked so much like their children. 

“Daddy,” Sora said, resting her head on her father’s shoulder, “This is Mitoma Sawacchi, our friend. Sawacchi, this is our dad.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mitoma-san, I’m Haru. This is—” He grunted and shrugged Sora off his back. “This is my wife, Rin.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you both!” Sawa said.

“Likewise, Mitoma-san,” said Rin. She raised an eyebrow at Mutsuki and Hajime. “How are the two of you? Still causing trouble?”

Hajime frowned but Mutsuki just grinned. 

“Of course! And as the new student body president of Kaibara High, I can now,  _ legally _ , do whatever I want.”

Rin snorted. 

“Hey, congrats,  _ Mu-chan _ .” Haru said. 

“Thanks,  _ Haaa-chan _ ,” Mutsuki sang. “Always such a pleasure to see you. You guys have a fun time today!”

“Oh, where are you going?” Sawa asked.

“Family therapy,” Riku said, walking forward and tossing his bag into the car before turning and copying his dad’s hands-in-the-pockets stance.

“Oh!!” Sawa flushed. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to pr—”

“Don’t worry about it, Sawacchi!” Sora said, throwing her arms around her mom. “We go to family therapy a couple times a year, like a checkup. It’s cuz we love each other and want our family to be strong. Right, Mama?”

“Right.” Rin smiled and pinched Sora’s cheek, which made Sora swat at her. 

Sawa wasn’t sure what to say. Her mother always said therapy was a scam to get people’s money. But, maybe that was a lie. Or maybe her mother just wasn’t the best judge.

“Th-that’s really sweet,” Sawa said, smiling. “I hope it goes well.”

She meant it. Sora and Riku and their parents all seemed so close to one another, like they cared about each other more than anyone else in the world. It  _ was  _ sweet...

“Thanks!” Sora said, climbing into the car. “Good luck at your interview!”

Sawa stepped into the restaurant, a ball of nerves, and jumped as the bell on the door chimed. 

“Hey, Mitoma-san! Is your interview today already?” 

It was Abe, standing near the door to the kitchen and tying his server’s apron. 

“Y-yeah,” said Sawa, clutching her bag with shaking hands. “Do you know where I—?”

“Yeah, you can just go down that hallway and take a right at the end,” Abe said, gesturing behind him. He put his hands on his hips. “You ready? Got any questions for me before you go in?”

Sawa exhaled. “I’m ready.”

Abe eyed her thoughtfully. “You know, they were really impressed by your application.”

“Really?” Sawa pictured her application in her head.  _ What aspect of it was impressive? _

“Really. Oh, and the manager likes it when you tell him how nice this place looks. He redesigned it himself a couple years ago.”

“Oh! Thanks, Abe-kun!”

Abe smiled kindly. “No problem.” 

He turned and pushed through the kitchen door as Sawa headed down the hallway to meet her fate.  _ Eyes up. Be brave.  _

A few days later, Sawa, Mutsuki, Sora, and Riku were lounging around at Kinu’s after school when Sawa’s phone rang. She nervously checked the screen. It wasn’t her mother…

Sawa went into the hallway to take the call. She returned a minute later, her face pale. 

Riku noticed and sat up. “What’s wrong, Mitoma?”

“I… I got the job.”

“Woohoo!” Mutsuki and Sora cheered, clapping and patting Sawa on the head as she sat back down.

Riku grinned. “Way to go.”

Sawa felt herself starting to smile. She got the job! She was proud of herself. And also very nervous...  _ Now I have to actually do the job _ , she thought.  _ People will be relying on me, and I’ll have to be careful not to trip or forget any rules, and I’ll have to—  _

“This calls for takoyaki!” Sora declared, jumping to her feet purposefully. “Someone go pick it up! Not me!”

Kinu’s bedroom door slid open and she stuck her head out. 

“...Takoyaki?”

“Sawacchi got the job she applied for,” Sora explained, “So we’re going to celebrate. You in?”

“Mmn. Congratulations, Sawa…” Kinu mumbled. “Takoyaki…”

In the end, they called Hajime, who was still at school, and convinced him to pick up takoyaki on his way home. Kinu finally seemed to wake up when the food arrived, and she helped Sawa set the table.

“You know,” Kinu said, grabbing chopsticks from the kitchen drawer, “I have a bike here that I’m never going to use. You can use it to ride to work or whatever.”

“Oh, no, I’d probably crash it or lose it or break it somehow!”

Kinu shrugged. “You can drive it into the river for all I care. Like I said, I’m not going to use it.”

Sawa opened and closed her mouth, searching for a response. 

“Do you know how to ride a bike?” Kinu asked.

Sawa blushed. “No…”

“Okay, so get someone to teach you. NOT Sora, but everyone else would be fine, I think. Hey, Riku!”

Riku lifted his head from the table. “Yeah?”

“Teach Sawa how to ride a bike this weekend. She can have mine.”

“...Fine.”

“Th-thanks, Riku-kun!” was all Sawa could manage to say. 

They all sat down to eat. Hajime was dead-eyed as he absently took a sip of tea. 

“How is the studying going, Hajime?” Kinu asked. 

“Five weeks left...” he droned. “It’s almost over, just five more weeks…”

“Aren’t you working yourself too hard?” Mutsuki asked. “I don’t think even my first choice school would be worth this much pain.”

Hajime snorted. “Yeah, you wouldn’t! Lazy ba—”

“Ahhh, what are you thinking of studying, Hajime-san?” Sawa interrupted, trying to keep the conversation peaceful.

“Not sure yet. Maybe sociology, or city planning.”

“Speaking of planning!” Sora said suddenly, straightening up. “Sawacchi, are you and Shiki going to go on a date on Christmas?”

Sawa violently choked on her takoyaki. “What?! H-how— Why would— WHAT?!”

Sawa continued to cough and sputter while Sora gently patted her back, murmuring, “There, there, Sawacchi… I was just curious; no need to get worked up... There, there…”

Sawa kind of wanted to hit her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that Sawa actually reacts pretty loudly when she’s surprised, yelling things like “Woah!” or “Who are you?!” in the manga. It’s interesting, considering how shy she seems normally.
> 
> Also, writing Sora is a delight. XD She’s such a vivid character. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the second chapter! The next one will be longer, I think, since it will cover both Christmas and New Year’s. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/CW: This chapter deals with potentially triggering topics including neglect, food insecurity, and hunger. 
> 
> This was a difficult chapter to write, for reasons that I think will be obvious. The struggles Sawa goes through are complex, but I hope I was able to portray her experience with sensitivity and care. 
> 
> Don’t worry though, there’s still tons of fluff!

“Stop teasing her so much, Sora,” Riku said. “Why don’t you guys plan a group thing? Invite Chizuru and Rio and Michi.”

“Hellooo? What am I, a stranger?”

“Obviously you too, Mutsuki.” 

“That sounds fun!” Sora decided. “But what about Rikkun?”

“Can’t, sorry. I have a date.”

That set Sora off. She shrieked with glee and started shaking Riku by the arm, demanding to know every detail. 

“Who! Who! WHO!!”

“Chill out. I’m going with Amane; I asked her today.”

That got Sawa’s attention. “Really? That’s so great! Wow, a first date on Christmas.”

“Uhh, not a first date, actually. We went out yesterday. Then today I asked her out again for Christmas.”

Sora started flat-out screaming at this, so Sawa had to speak up to be heard over the noise. “Oh my gosh! Wait a minute… was she with you at lunch today? Mito-chan and I didn’t know where she disappeared to.”

Riku looked like he was trying very hard not to smile. Mutsuki chuckled. 

“Amazing, Riku. You really move fast, don’t you?”

“Shut up, Mutsuki, you’ve never asked anyone out in your life.”

Mutsuki just shrugged. 

“So,” Sawa said, “if you’re going out with Amane on Christmas, I wonder what Mito-chan is doing... Um, Sora-chan, do you think I could invite Mito-chan out with us too?”

“Sora doesn’t care; Sora’s philosophy is the more the merrier! Sawacchi should know that by now.”

“Hmm, I should invite Mio-san and Chiaki-san, then,” Mutsuki said.

“Yay, Muu-kun’s friends!”

“You wanna come too, Hajime? Take a break from studying for one night?”

Hajime shook his head. “No way. I’m already behind. I’ll take a break after the entrance exams.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Mutsuki said. “So what should we do?”

“Movie?” Sora suggested.

“Eh, there’s nothing good coming out this month. We could just go out to eat, I guess.”

“Don’t suggest something so normal; it’s Christmas! CHRISTMAS!”

“There’s an ice skating rink not too far from here that gives a discount to students,” Kinu said, tapping her chin. “Or at least they used to…” 

“Woah! Sora would look so cute in a skating costume!”

“Sora, only competition skaters wear those,” Riku said. “And you will not even be able to  _ stand _ on skates.”

Sora pouted. “I can try!”

“Skating sounds great,” Mutsuki said. “I can get tickets this week. Mitoma-san, can you call Shiki and invite him? I’m too busy.” 

“Oh! Uh, of course! Thank you for picking up the tickets, Mutsuki-san.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “Mitoma… just yell at him already…”

“You sure you’re ready?” Abe asked. 

“I, uh... I am!” Sawa said, not at all sure.

They were huddled together right inside the kitchen doorway—Abe, Sawa, and another young waitress called Okumi who had been assigned to supervise Sawa’s training. Sawa had spent the past week memorizing the menu, observing the other staff, and learning how to prepare the restaurant to open and close. Now, according to Okumi, Sawa needed to start actually waiting on customers. Okumi said it was the best way to improve. 

“Alright, Sawa-chan,” Okumi said. “Do your best!”

Sawa steeled her nerves and stepped out to greet the family that had just arrived.  _ You can do it, Sawa. You can do it, Sawa. You can— _

Sawa did fine, stammering a little through her greetings but nothing too embarrassing, until she had to actually take the customers’ orders. Her hand was shaking so much that when she got back to the kitchen, she couldn’t read what she had written on the notepad. Did they ask for fried or mashed potatoes? Pork or beef tenderloin? She couldn’t remember, so she had to go back to the table, apologize profusely, and ask them to repeat their order. 

All in all, during her first shift serving customers, Sawa delivered the wrong meals twice, knocked over a glass of water, forgot to deliver one table’s check, said “thank you” instead of “sorry” when a customer complained about their food, and was scolded by a different customer for speaking too quietly. She was uncomfortable, drained, terrified. Sawa just barely managed to hold herself together until the end of her shift, and then she turned and walked quickly to the break room, tears brimming in her eyes. 

She closed the door behind her before bursting into sobs.  _ What a mess. I really am worthless.  _

The door opened again. 

“Sawa? Before you go, can— Sawa? Oh, dear…”

Okumi gently steered Sawa into a chair and sat down next to her. Sawa tried desperately to stop crying, to calm down, but that only made it worse. Okumi put a hand on her back comfortingly. 

“The first day is the hardest,” Okumi said. “You actually did pretty good out there, all things considered.”

Sawa looked up through blurry eyes. “No way.”

“Honestly! But it doesn’t matter, because you’ll only get better from here. Don’t beat yourself up too much.”

Sawa sniffed, and Okumi grabbed a tissue box from the counter and handed it to her.

“This job can be really tough sometimes. Most of us have cried in here at least once. I know I have.” 

“Okumi-san… I’m really grateful for all your help, but what if I’m just not cut out for this? What if I don’t improve? I’ll just cause trouble for everyone.” 

Okumi sighed and leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms. “Give it a week. If you haven’t improved, you can quit and find a different job knowing that you tried your best. However, that’s not gonna happen. I guarantee you’ll feel better about this in a week.”

Sawa considered this. She could endure one week of making a fool of herself. It was painful, but Okumi was right, she needed to feel that she tried her best. 

“Okay,” Sawa said, wiping off her cheeks. “I’ll keep trying.”

“Yay!” Okumi clapped and pushed herself off the wall. “Great, now I really have to get back out there. I’ll see you next time?”

Sawa nodded. “Thanks a lot, Okumi-san.”

Miraculously, Okumi was right. Sawa found that over the course of her next few shifts, she got more comfortable remembering orders, handling dishes, and even interacting with customers. She knew she still had a long way to go, and she still had to fight back tears a few times when customers got angry or rude, but she didn’t feel like a total embarrassment to the restaurant anymore. 

“Great job today, Mitoma-san,” Abe said, smiling. “I didn’t see you drop a single thing!”

It was just after close, and Abe and Sawa were cleaning up the dining area. 

“Oh, I dropped my notepad in the kitchen because a timer went off and startled me. You must’ve missed that,” Sawa said seriously.

“Nahh. If there’s no customers around it doesn’t count.” 

“That’s not true!”

“It totally is! Watch.” He grabbed a pencil out of his apron and threw it across the room. 

Sawa gaped at him. “I can’t believe you just—”

Abe walked over and picked up the pencil, putting it back in his apron. “See? No harm done.”

Sawa just stared, aghast. 

“You’re a little uptight, huh, Mitoma-san.” 

“I… I, um… yeah.”

Abe laughed. “Working here will probably cure you of that. There’s too much to think about without also worrying about unnecessary things.”

Sawa finished wiping down a table and tossed the rag in a soapy bucket. “Hmm. I wouldn’t mind that, actually.” 

“Ha! Sounds nice, right?”

Sawa forgot to grab grocery money from the kitchen when she left for school on Tuesday morning, so she had to stop back home before going to the store. She set her school bag in her room, grabbed her purse, and went to take the grocery money from the kitchen drawer where her mother always left it— 

Except it wasn’t there. Sawa pulled the drawer out further, checked the drawers around it—nothing. Finally she tried calling her mom—no answer, of course. Her mom must have forgotten to leave cash the last time she was here... Sawa scolded herself for not noticing sooner.

She checked the fridge again and took stock. She had a couple leeks. A little bit of miso. Half a package of tofu. No meat or grains of any kind—she had even used the last of the rice yesterday.  _ Damn.  _ She always avoided stocking up on food since it tended to spoil before she could eat it all, and her mom hated instant noodles and convenience foods and would throw them away if Sawa bought them.  _ Damn, damn, damn.  _ Sawa resolved that as soon as she had money, she would buy a bunch of cup noodles and hide them in a box under the cleaning supplies. 

For now, Sawa sat down at the kitchen table and considered her options. She had enough for two small meals, maybe three if she stretched it. Other than that, she had no food until Thursday, when she would get a meal during her break at work  _ and  _ get her first paycheck. So she just needed to make it until Thursday after school. 

Sawa decided that since she’d already eaten breakfast and lunch today, she would save half the food for tomorrow morning and the rest for Thursday morning. And there was always a chance her mom would come home with more money tonight or tomorrow. No matter what, Sawa would be okay… but that didn’t mean she wasn’t  _ pissed.  _

A year ago Sawa would’ve given her mom the benefit of the doubt—she made a mistake, she was busy, she was working hard to provide for Sawa. But ever since Sawa learned what her mom had done to her own elementary school friends and to the Sohmas, Sawa’s patience with her mom had worn thin. Her mom was irresponsible. Mean. Frivolous. So yeah, Sawa was angry. But her mom was also scary… and Sawa unfortunately depended on her. So Sawa was just going to have to find a way to cope. 

She was doing well, all things considered, until lunchtime on Wednesday, when Amane and Mito pulled out their lunches and Sawa didn’t.

Amane frowned. “Not eating? Are you on some kind of diet, Mitoma-chan?”

Sawa laughed awkwardly. She had expected this. “Ah, no, my stomach isn’t feeling too good today, that’s all.”

Amane just nodded and clicked her tongue sympathetically, and Sawa relaxed. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Riku looking in their direction, but when she looked at him he just went back to talking with his friends.  _ He must’ve been watching Amane-chan _ , Sawa thought.

Thursday was a little trickier. Amane and Mito would definitely say something if they saw Sawa skipping lunch again. So Sawa told them she had work to do and left for the student council room. 

Unluckily, Mutsuki, Chiaki, and Mio were all in the student council room as well, eating their lunches and chatting. Sawa took a seat as far away from them as possible and pulled out her homework.

“Hey Mitoma-san! Aren’t you eating lunch?” 

Sawa winced. Of course Mutsuki would notice. 

“I’m feeling a little sick, that’s all,” she said casually, leaning further over her homework. 

“Ugh, I think there’s a bug going around,” Mio said. “Like 3 kids in my class are out sick. Take some medicine, okay Mitoma-chan?” 

“I will, definitely.”

Suddenly someone cleared their throat behind her, making Sawa jump.

“Ah! Riku, what brings you here?” Mutsuki asked.

“Can I talk to Mitoma for a sec?”

Sawa tensed.  _ Why would he want to talk to me? Something about Amane-chan?  _ But somehow she knew that wasn’t it. She felt like a child being called to the principal’s office as she stood up and followed him. 

It wasn’t that Sawa didn’t trust Riku, or any of her friends. It was just that she was embarrassed, and she didn’t want anyone to worry over her. The Sohmas in particular had done so much for her, and she had yet to repay them in any satisfactory way. She was supposed to be moving forward, wasn’t she? She wanted to grow to be able to handle these inconveniences on her own rather than crying about every little thing. 

Riku walked until they were out of earshot of the student council room. 

“You’re still feeling sick, Mitoma?” Riku asked, his eyes narrowed. 

_ He must’ve heard me at lunch yesterday.  _

“Yes I am, a little.”

“Alright,” said Riku, and he pulled out his phone. 

“W-what are you doing?”

“Calling Uncle Hatori. He’s the family doctor. Hold on, it’s ringing...”

“What?! No, there’s really no need for—”

“You’ve been sick for two days, it could be seri—Ah! Uncle Hatori? It’s Riku.”

“Stop!”

“...”

“I’m… I’m not sick.”

“...Sorry Uncle, I’m going to have to call you back.”

Riku put the phone down. Sawa could tell by his expression that he had known that already. She could also tell that she wouldn’t be able to bullshit him with some other excuse. Riku crossed his arms and waited for her to speak. 

“I ran out of food,” she said, quickly adding, “Well, not completely out. I had some miso soup for breakfast yesterday and today—”  _ Why am I rambling? He doesn’t need to know all this.  _ “—but it’s fine because I get paid tonight!”

“You’re out of food?” Riku repeated. “And... you’re out of money.”

Sawa said nothing. She felt lightheaded.  _ Damn it, I would be able to handle this better if I wasn’t so hungry _ .

“Where’s your mom?”

“...She’s been gone for a while. She just forgot to leave money last time she was home. But I’m sure she’ll be back any day now.” 

Riku ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, Mitoma. You’ve gotta tell someone when something like this is going on.”

“I’m okay. I’m dealing with it,” Sawa insisted. 

“Sure, but this isn’t right... Does your mom have money? Like, when she comes back home will you definitely have enough to buy groceries?”

“Of course... I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“What I  _ mean  _ is,” Riku had raised his voice a little, “are you and your mom both struggling, or just you? Is she off living comfortably while you’re home without food for days at a time?”

Sawa did not want to tell him the answer to that. 

“If I had realized that she forgot to leave money,” she said, frustration growing, “I could’ve planned better! I could’ve made it last—”

“Mitoma-san.”

Sawa spun around. Mutsuki was standing there looking more serious than she’d ever seen him. 

“How long has it been since you’ve had a full meal?” He asked, his voice low. 

Hot tears were falling down Sawa’s cheeks now and there was nothing she could do to stop them. 

“I don’t—I don’t get why this is such a big deal!” she said.

Mutsuki let out a heavy breath, but his eyes didn’t soften, which Sawa was grateful for. She didn’t think she could handle seeing pity in those eyes. 

Riku walked over and put a hand on Sawa’s head. “Hey,” he said. “Let’s find somewhere to sit.”

Sawa followed Mustuki and Riku to an empty classroom. She sat down at a desk, suddenly feeling exhausted. 

“Hey Riku, could you go buy some bread for Mitoma-san and me? I was going to get myself some earlier, but I didn’t get around to it.”

Riku nodded and left. 

“I hope that’s okay,” Mutsuki said. “If you really don’t want it you don’t have to eat it, of course.” 

Sawa’s stomach growled at the mention of real food. “Thanks,” she said quietly.

“Mitoma-san… I understand that you can handle a lot on your own. But I hate to hear you blaming yourself. Parents are supposed to try their hardest to make sure their children are fed. You deserve to have someone looking out for you like that. Everyone deserves that.”

Sawa’s tears hadn’t let up. For the last two days—and probably a lot longer than that—so much anger and stress and uncertainty had been building up, she just couldn’t keep a grip on it anymore. She heard what Mutsuki was saying. She understood it. But she had no idea how to respond. 

Mutsuki was quiet for a minute, watching her. “Hey, Mitoma-san? Can I call Sora? She’s a lot better than me at the hugging and comforting stuff.”

“Ha… sure.” 

Riku and Sora arrived together; Riku carrying an armful of various packaged foods.

“Sawacchi!” Sora encased Sawa in a hug without another word, only loosening her grip a little so Riku could hande Sawa bread and a bottle of tea. 

Sawa wiped tears from her eyes—for the second time this week, she realized bitterly—and ate slowly as Sora kept up a soothing one-sided conversation about the weather and her day and Christmas and—for some unknown reason—airplanes. 

“So, Mitoma-san,” Mutsuki asked when they were both done eating. “Do you think you could tell us next time you’re struggling? Or it doesn’t even have to be us, but tell _someone._ Please?”

Sawa already felt a little lighter. She laid her head on Sora’s shoulder. “Yeah, okay.” 

Mutsuki smiled kindly. “Great.”

“What now?” Riku asked. “What do you need, Mitoma?”

“Huh? You already gave me lunch…”

Riku glared. 

“Uh, um! I’m heading to work right after school, and I get a meal there, and then I get paid today, so…”

Riku reached into backpack and handed Sawa a few crumpled bills. “Buy yourself a snack on your way to work. You haven’t been eating enough for a while so your energy will be low.”

Sawa stared at the bills apprehensively. “Is this really okay?”

“You can pay me back tomorrow.”

“Right! Okay!” 

“Mitoma-san... there’s something else we can do, if you want.”

Sawa looked up at Mutsuki in surprise. 

“What?”

“Well, this is the type of situation where you could get lawyers involved. You could report it to the police. I’m not saying it would be easy, but it’s an option for you. It’s your choice.”

Sawa was shocked. Mina had mentioned introducing Sawa to her father’s lawyers offhandedly a long time ago, but Sawa had taken it as a joke. But actually trying to… to what? Get her mom in trouble? Get out of that apartment? Sawa couldn’t fathom it.

“Maybe someday,” she said finally. “But not now.”

“Okay. I understand.” Mutsuki said, standing up and rubbing his neck. He grimaced. “Ahhh, I’m glad you’re okay, Mitoma-san. Now I need to go… do… something.” He waved weakly and walked off. 

Sawa watched him go, alarmed. “Is he okay?”

Riku snickered. “He wore himself out trying to keep you from seeing how angry he was. He knew it would just upset you more.”

“Oh no! I should— Sh-should I do something?!”

“He wasn’t angry at you, Sawacchi,” Sora said. “He was angry at your mom.”

“He’ll be fine,” Riku said. “As long as you are.”

Sawa thought Christmas couldn’t come at a better time. After such a taxing week, she would finally be able to relax and have fun with friends. Her mother was almost never around on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, so Sawa wasn’t too worried that her mother would show up and disrupt the ice skating plan. Sure enough, Christmas day arrived with no word from her mother, and Sawa happily bundled up and headed over to Kinu’s house to meet everyone. 

Mito arrived at the front gate at the same time Sawa did. 

“So this is where Mutsuki-senpai and Hajime-senpai live? I thought their family was rich.”

“This is a house owned by their family,” Sawa explained. “Mutsuki-senpai and Hajime-senpai moved in here with their cousin so they could be closer to school.”

“Oooh, I see. A second home… Man, how cool to move away for high school. Imagine being able to do whatever you want, no parents hovering around, no curfew... “

Sawa just hummed dispassionately.

A black car pulled up just then, and Shiki and Rio got out. The driver, a broad-shouldered man with messy gray hair, rolled down the passenger window and shouted gleefully, “Have fun, Shiki-chan! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Shiki, expression flat, turned and said something in a low voice to the driver, who cackled and drove off. 

Shiki turned back to Sawa and Mito. He wore his usual black peacoat, but today he also had on a matching light grey scarf and mittens and a dark green hat. Sawa didn’t know why, but her heart started beating faster.

“I-I like your hat!” She said.

Shiki reached up and touched it tentatively. “Oh, thanks. My mom knitted it.”

“Wow!” Sawa stepped forward to examine the hat more closely. “She’s talented.”

Shiki smiled slightly. “Yeah.”

“...Hi, Mitoma-san.”

Sawa looked over at Rio, who was standing off to the side wearing a huge grin. 

“Oh, hi Rio-kun! Ah, this is Mito-chan. We go to school together.”

“Nice to meet you, Rio-kun!”

“Same here. Say, Mito-san, have you met my friend Chizuru yet? He’s up at the house already. Let me introduce you.”

“S-sure,” Mito said, following Rio through the gates with a confused glance back at Sawa. 

As soon as they were gone, Shiki’s eyes grew wide. “Are you okay? Mutsuki told me what happened. I wish you had told someone sooner—”

Sawa was flustered. “Yes, everything’s okay! I’m so sorry to have worried you! I didn’t think—I just… sorry.”

Shiki let out a long breath. “No… it’s fine.” He covered his eyes with one mittened hand. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Sawa smiled. She had heard that a lot the last couple days. “I’m really grateful to have people who worry about me. Thanks.”

Sawa and Shiki started walking slowly toward the house.

“So how have you been lately, Shiki-kun? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been fi—” 

“Oy!” Chizuru called, stepping out of the front door. “What are we waiting for; everyone’s here, right?”

Rio was right behind him, laughing. “Right! Let’s go!”

“Eeek! No, no, nonono!” Sawa let go of Mito’s arm and gripped the side of the ice rink with both arms. 

Sawa had quickly discovered that she was not a skating prodigy. 

“That was better than your last try, Mitoma-san!” Mutsuki said, skating backwards past her. Sawa marveled at his skill.

Chizuru also seemed comfortable on the ice, although he didn’t move with Mutsuki’s level of grace and poise. Currently, Chizuru was seeing how fast he could skate a lap while Rio timed him from the middle of the rink. Sora, who had recruited Hibika’s help to put together something slightly akin to a skating costume—a beaded purple mini-dress and metallic silver leggings—had taken two steps onto the ice, fallen, and immediately returned her skates, saying she didn’t want to risk ruining her outfit. She was now loudly cheering for Chizuru from her spot on the bench. 

“Gooooo Chizu-chan! Woo!! Sawacchi, too! Sawa Sawa, you can do it!”

Sawa shot her a smile and tried to straighten her back. “Alright, Mito-chan. Let’s do this!”

“Uh, Mitoma-san?” Shiki skated over. “It’ll help if you bend your knees and keep your arms a little more steady.” 

Sawa tried it, very gently pushing off from the side and coasting a short distance. ”What?! I did it! I did it!”

“Yayyyyy, Sawacchi!”

With a little more coaching from Shiki and Mito, Sawa managed to skate a few shaky laps around the rink. 

During their second lap, Sawa asked, “How did you learn to skate, Shiki-kun?”

Shiki looked toward Rio and Chizuru with a smirk. “Rio, Chizuru and I used to come here sometimes with our moms. My mom and Saki-san especially don’t like the heat, so we’d come here in summer to cool down. I’m not as good as Rio and Chizuru, though. They get really competitive with each other so they would race and practice jumps until they were too bruised to keep going. I enjoy skating, but not  _ that _ much.”

While Shiki was talking, Sawa noticed with a jolt that she had to look up, just a little, to meet his eyes.  _ When did that happen?!  _ Sawa looked down at his feet—were Shiki’s skates taller than hers?—and promptly fell. 

“Agh!” 

“Oh no!” Mito said, offering Sawa a hand. “You were doing so well, too.” 

“Ahh, I think I’m worn out,” Sawa said, brushing ice dust off her arms and legs. “I’m going to go join Sora.”

Their group stayed at the rink until it closed, then searched for a cafe that was open late. While they were walking, Sawa kept casting glances over at Shiki. Even without the skates, he was definitely a little taller than her.  _ That’s new. Is that why he seems different today? _ ... _ Get a grip, Sawa; of course he’s getting taller. Why are you so surprised? _

The cafe they chose was dimly lit and decorated for Christmas with sparkly lights strung across the ceiling. It felt especially cozy and comfortable after the ice rink and the windy winter night. Everyone ordered hot drinks before sitting around a table by the front window. 

“Whew, that was fun!” Michi said, holding her cup of hot chocolate with both hands. “Merry Christmas, everybody!”

“Mitoma-san, you made good progress!” Mutsuki said, dumping sugar in his coffee. “Have you ever skated before?”

Sawa shook her head. “Nope. It was fun, though! I’d like to go again.”

“Next Christmas, then!”

“Pfft, nuh-uh!” Sora smoothed the front of her dress. “Sora has decided that there are better occasions to wear sparkly dresses than skating.” 

“No one can half-ass things as well as you, Sora.”

Sora gasped dramatically. “Chizu-chan is so rude! I don’t half-ass  _ punishment hugs _ ! Aaagh! Come heeere—” 

Sawa sipped her hot chocolate and enjoyed watching Sora tussle with Chizuru. She was slowly thawing out. Her first Christmas had been wonderful, full of joy and excitement and friends... She had never felt so comfortable around anyone, she realized. She didn’t want the day to end. 

“I can’t believe it’s Christmas already,” Mio said wistfully, resting her head on her hand.

“Just one week until New Year’s Eve!” Sora said.

“Oh yeah! You guys do a big family thing, right? With like, hundreds of people?” 

“Yes! Sora can’t wait to see everybody!”

“Aww, that sounds fun. I just watch Kohaku with my family. I like it, though. Are you doing anything fun, Mitoma-chan?”

Sawa started at the sound of her name. “What?”

“Are you doing anything fun for New Year’s?” Mio repeated. 

“Oh! Uh, I-I’m… I’m staying home with my family, too.” 

Mio gave her an understanding smile. “A quiet New Year can be good too, right?” 

“Yeah.”

Outside the cafe, the group went their separate ways. Mio, Chiaki, Michi and Mito waved and headed off toward their respective homes, while the Sohmas and Sawa started walking in the direction of Kinu’s house and Sawa’s apartment. 

Shiki turned to Sawa as they walked. “Mitoma-san, what you said about spending New Year’s with your family… is that true?” 

Sawa bit her lip. “No. My mom always goes out for New Year’s.” 

Mutsuki groaned. “Agh, when Mio asked you, I could’ve kicked myself. It totally slipped my mind to ask about your plans.”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about me! I’ll be totally fine; I’m used to it, honestly.”

“No way. No,” Mutsuki insisted. “What kind of friends would we be if we let you spend New Year’s alone? No. Here’s what we’ll do: We Sohmas should at least make an appearance at the main house to say hello to everyone, but then we’ll meet you back at Kinu’s and have a real party. We can have soba, hang out, head to the shrine around midnight, and then hopefully be back in time for the first sunrise. Does that sound good? Sora? Think Riku would be up for it?”

“Yes! Sora approves!”

Sawa was so touched she thought she might cry. “You—you guys really want to? Don’t you want to spend time with your family?”

Sora shrugged. “We get to see them pretty often. It’ll be fun to celebrate with Sawacchi!”

“We’ll meet you at Kinu’s around nine o’clock,” Mutsuki said. “Does that work?”

Sawa nodded.

“Okay, we’ll leave the door unlocked in case you beat us back. Shiki-kun, will you be joining us too?”

To Sawa’s surprise, Shiki didn’t hesitate a second before answering. “Yes, I will; thanks.”

Sawa saw Mutsuki and Sora exchange a look of awe before breaking into huge smiles.

“Wonderful!” Mutsuki said. “It’s a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! Once again, I anticipated this chapter covering several more events (through the end of New Year’s), but it did not happen. The chapter was quite long already and I decided that we’ll save some of the fun for next time. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your responses! I love to hear from you!
> 
> If you’d like, you can follow me on tumblr @beautiful-fiscal-siren for more fruits basket and other fandom content.


	4. Chapter 4

Sawa couldn’t focus all day. She woke up early and tried to study, but gave up after she had been staring at the same question for ten minutes. She absently cleaned the apartment, polishing the door handles and faucets as she daydreamed about tonight’s party and wondered whether she should bring any food. In the end, she couldn’t think of anything to bring, which was just as well, since most of the nearby shops were closed. 

By five o’clock, Sawa was bored out of her mind. She lay on the floor debating whether or not to attempt studying again when her phone rang. Her stomach dropped as she anticipated a tense conversation with her mother, but the caller ID displayed a different number—one that Sawa recognized.

“Hello?”

“Mitoma-san? Are you able to talk now?”

“Yes, I’m just sitting at home. Why?”

The person on the phone sighed in relief. “I was worried that your mother might be there. I didn’t want to risk you getting in trouble, but…”

“No, no, my mother is never home on New Year’s Eve. What is it?”

“...I’m outside your apartment.”

Sawa stepped into her shoes, flattening the heels, and hurried outside without even bothering to grab her coat. Indeed, the caller was there, hands in his pockets, looking a little chilly, a little nervous, and very out of place on the front steps of her building. 

“Shiki-kun! What are you doing here?” 

“I-I thought you might want to head over to Kinu’s early with me, if you’re not… busy…” He stiffened and started backing away. “I’m sorry, that was presumptuous of me; of course you must be busy; I didn’t give you any advance notice; I’ll just—”

“No, wait!” 

He froze. 

Sawa laughed. She couldn’t believe her good luck, truly. “I have absolutely nothing to do. Wait here, let me just grab my things and then we can go.”

On the short walk to Kinu’s, Shiki was smiling more than Sawa had ever seen before.

“You’re in a good mood tonight,” she commented. 

His face did some funny gymnastics like he couldn’t decide what expression he wanted to wear. In the end, he settled back into a smile and said, “Yeah. I am.” 

They walked in comfortable silence for a while.

“I almost forgot,” Shiki said, “my mom wanted me to tell you happy New Year.”

“Oh! Tell her I said happy New Year, too.”

_ Shiki’s mother told him to tell me happy New Year? Me?  _

“Wait...” Sawa said. “So that means your mom knows about me, then? I mean, that I, um, have been spending time with you and your cousins?”

“Yes.”

Sawa blanched. “She must be so annoyed that you wanted to spend New Year’s with me—I mean, at Kinu’s—instead of with her!”

“Not at all. She understands. Although she wants me to be there with the family... more than that, she wants me to be happy.”

“That’s…” Sawa stopped walking.

Shiki stopped, too and turned toward her, his face full of concern. “I’m so sorry, Mitoma-san. That was insensitive of me. I shouldn’t be talking about—”

Sawa shook her head emphatically. “No. I’m happy, actually, to hear that. Mutsuki once told me that you had some trouble with your family, and I didn’t know—well, he said that your parents treated you well, but I wasn’t sure… I’m just glad that your mom is like that. That’s… wonderful.”

Shiki shuffled his feet and looked away. “I’d like you to meet her someday.”

Sawa smiled. “Me too.”

“It’s strange to be here without Kinu or Mutsuki or Hajime.”

“It’s always a little strange for me to be here, I think. Did anyone tell you that my dad lived here for a few years because my mom kicked him out of the estate?”

“What?! ...Your family is so interesting, Shiki-kun.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

Sawa wanted to know more—why was Shiki’s dad kicked out? How long ago was it? Were his parents on good terms now? But she could never ask about something so private.  _ I hardly know anything about Shiki, actually… what types of things are okay to ask about, I wonder? _

“Is there anything you’d like to do, Mitoma-san?”

Sawa was pulled from her thoughts. “U-um, anything!”

“Okay…” Shiki suddenly looked apprehensive. “We could… watch TV?”

“Sure! Anything is fine!” 

Shiki sat down at the table. Sawa sat next to him, feeling a little uneasy herself.

Shiki picked up the remote but didn’t turn the television on. Sawa glanced at him. 

_ Did—did I do something wrong? What is he—  _

“Actually,” he said suddenly, setting the remote back down, “I wanted to ask if you’d like to play Go. I don’t know why I didn’t just say that. So… would you like to?”

“Uh—sure! It’s been a while, but I’ve been wanting to practice.”

Shiki put a hand up to his mouth sheepishly. “Okay… good…”

“You’re getting better.”

“I don’t think so. I only won because I started with all those extra pieces.”

“Well, next time you’re not getting so many. I didn’t have a chance.”

“You were also helping me during the game.”

Shiki laughed. “Yeah... I shot myself in the foot there, huh.”

“Y-you’re a really good teacher! You explained everything so clearly; I feel like I understand the game more now.”

Shiki looked at Sawa anxiously. “Do you actually enjoy it?”

“Y-yes. It’s still a little overwhelming. When I’m playing, I sort of feel like my brain is being pulled in a hundred different directions. But I definitely want to keep practicing. It’s really fun when I finally understand something.” 

Shiki visibly relaxed. “I’m glad.” 

He started picking up the game pieces. Sawa observed him for a minute before joining in. 

“You seem a little different today, Shiki-kun.”

Shiki kept his gaze on the game pieces. “This is the first time I can remember enjoying New Year’s Eve.”

Sawa paused, surprised, as usual, at his bluntness.

_ I want to ask about it. I want to know more, but… _

“Me too,” Sawa said. 

Shiki quickly looked back down at the table, but Sawa still saw him bite back a grin. 

_...for now, I just want him to keep smiling.  _

Hajime, Mutsuki, Chizuru, Riku and Sora showed up just after nine, along with a boy Sawa didn’t recognize. 

Hajime put his hands on the boy’s shoulders, steering him to face Sawa. “Mitoma, this is my little brother Kento.”

“Nice to meet you!” Kento said.

Sawa scrambled to her feet to introduce herself. “Nice to meet you too!”

Kento looked a little like Hajime, but his hair was darker, and unlike Hajime, he was all smiles. He sat down next to Shiki. 

“Hey Shiki-kun! How’s it going?”

“Hey, Kento-san.”

The two boys launched into small talk about school and the family. Shiki spoke in typical Shiki fashion—politely and calmly—while Kento was much more expressive, doing impersonations and using lots of hand motions. Sawa thought Shiki looked amused, although it was hard to tell. 

Hajime leaned over to speak quietly to Sawa. “Kento is in his third year of middle school. He’s planning to attend Kaibara High next year, too.”

“Oh, that’s great!”

“Look out for him, okay? Mutsuki’s already rubbed off on him too much.”

“I can hear you, you know,” Mutsuki said from behind them.

“Yeah, I know you can. Don’t corrupt my little brother, understand?”

Mutsuki pouted. “Aw, come on. What could I possibly do to him,  _ Onii-chan _ ?”

“Shut it.”

“Um, is anyone else coming?” Sawa asked. “Michi-senpai o-or Hibika-san?”

Chizuru snorted. “You don’t have to look so worried. Hibika is hanging out with Kinu and Hinata-san at the estate.”

“And Michi is with her family tonight,” Mutsuki added. “She asked me to tell everyone happy New Year from her.” 

“Well, since this is everyone, I guess we’d better get cooking,” said Hajime, rolling up his sleeves.

“Uh, Hajime-san!” Sawa said.

She had made this decision earlier in the day.

“...Yes?”

“Would you take the night off? I can make the soba.”

Hajime frowned. “You want me to…”

“Sit,” said Sawa, gently pushing him toward the table. “You’re always looking after everyone, so I wanted to give you a break today.”

“A-are you sure?”

“Yes. I assume all the ingredients are in the kitchen?”

Hajime nodded, speechless.

Riku turned on the TV as Sawa headed for the kitchen, proud of her success.  _ This is the least I can do. They’re all here because of me, after all. _

Sawa had just set the second pot of water on the stove when Shiki cleared his throat next to her.

“Agh! Shiki-kun!” 

“Can I help?”

“What? Oh, um, I sort of w-wanted to cook for you all as a thank you,” Sawa said.

Shiki looked at her blankly for a second. “I want to help you... as a thank you, as well.”

“A thank you? For what?”

“For a fun day.”

Sawa blushed and turned away, covering her face with both hands.  _ How can he say stuff like that so calmly?  _

“Okay…” she mumbled. “Thanks for your help.”

“What can I do?”

“For now, maybe get everything we need out of the fridge?”

Shiki started pulling things out of the fridge while Sawa grabbed what she needed from the pantry. 

“Um, is this everything?” Shiki asked, surveying the ingredients in front of him. 

“Hm.” Sawa glanced over. “Weren’t there any green onions in there?”

“Oh, green onions… right…” Shiki went back to the fridge and grabbed green onions as Sawa added kombu to one of the pots. 

“Great! Now, would you rather watch the dashi or cut the onions and kamaboko?”

Shiki looked over at her. “I’ve never done either.” 

“Oh! I see. How about I show you how to cut the onions, then? Here—” She moved over to the cutting board. “You just hold the onions with your left hand like  _ this _ , cut off the end and throw it away, then just slice the rest pretty thin, about like  _ this.  _ What’s left of the ends here you can just throw away. Make sense? Want to try?”

Sawa set the knife down and stepped aside so Shiki could try. He stood in front of the board for a long moment with his hand above the knife.  _ Is he unsure of something? Did I not explain it well?  _ But then he picked up the knife and started slicing very slowly, carefully.

“Is this right?” He asked. 

“Yes! Here, if you kind of… angle the knife like  _ this  _ while you’re cutting,” she mimed the motion on the counter, “it’ll be a little easier.”

“Oh, okay.” He tried again. “Like this?”

“That’s perfect!”

Shiki smiled softly as he continued slicing. 

As Shiki cut the green onions, Sawa got started on the dashi and the soba. 

“Oh my gosh!” Sora yelled suddenly. 

Sawa turned slowly. Sora was looking from Shiki to Sawa excitedly. She strode over to them.

“Sawacchi, stand here,” Sora said, moving Sawa to stand in the middle of the kitchen. “And Shii-kun, stand… here. Oh my gosh!” She clapped her hands. “Look, guys! Shii-kun’s taller than Sawacchi!”

Sawa saw everyone in the room looking at her. Her face heated up as she stood petrified.  _ I should have seen this coming… of course Sora would notice.  _

“Huh, way to go, Shiki-kun,” Kento said.

Mutsuki’s eyes sparkled. “A milestone, definitely.”

Sora beamed. “You know, my dad asked my mom out as soon as he was taller than her.”

“Sora!” Sawa hissed, shoving her out of the kitchen.

“Give it a rest, Sora,” Riku chided. “Shiki will be taller than you pretty soon, too; want him to ask  _ you _ out?”

Sora just giggled. “Don’t flatter me.”

“I truly wasn’t.”

As everyone turned back to the TV, Sawa glanced over at Shiki. His was pink to the tips of his ears, but otherwise his expression was the same as always. She sighed.

“Let’s just… how are the green onions looking?”

“Done,” Shiki said. “What next?”

“We cut the kamaboko,” she said. “It’s pretty easy. I’ll show you...”

As they cooked, Shiki occasionally asked questions about what she was doing or what step would come next. Sawa showed him how to rinse the soba, strain the dashi, and assemble everything in bowls. In no time at all, they were carrying the finished soba to the table.

“Thanks for the food!” Kento said. 

“I didn’t know you were interested in cooking, Shiki,” Chizuru said with a smirk.

“It’s delicious!” Mutsuki praised. 

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth,” said Hajime. “But yeah, it is. Thanks for your hard work, guys.”

Sawa couldn’t believe how crowded the shrine was at midnight. She had known it would be, but it was still daunting to see the line of people stretching all the way past the shrine gates. It was bitterly cold, but the sky was clear and the moon was bright and almost full. Sawa and the Sohmas stood in line, huddled close together and fidgeting to keep warm. 

Riku kept checking his phone. After a few minutes, he answered a call and walked away without a word, returning a few minutes later holding Amane’s hand.

“Amane-chan!” Sawa said. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

“Hey, Mitoma-chan! Yeah, I hung out with my family earlier, but then my brother had to put his kids to bed so I decided to come out.”

“Amane,” Riku said, “you’ve met Hajime and Mutsuki, and of course Sora, and this is Hajime’s little brother Kento, and our cousins Chizuru and Shiki.”

After everyone exchanged greetings, Amane put a hand to her chin, frowning. “Shiki-kun...when have I heard that name? Shiki-kun… Oh, I remember! You came to the culture festival, right? You’re Mitoma-chan’s bo—”

“Ahhhhhh, Amane-chan, no!” Sawa cried, waving her arms.

“—ring... friend. Her boring friend. That’s what I was going to say!”

Sawa’s mouth fell open. “I did not—I never—Amane-chan!” She desperately turned to Shiki. “Shiki-kun, I swear I never said that. It’s just a misunderstanding. Sora was joking around and said that you were…  _ boring _ , but she was totally kidding and I don’t think that all and neither does Sora, I’m sure, and—” 

Sora was breathless with laughter by this point, Chizuru had his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised, and Shiki was just watching Sawa ramble on.

“It’s fine,” he said when Sawa had run out of breath. “I am sort of boring.”

“No! That’s not true, and it’s not even—ugh! Sora!” 

“Forget it, Shii-kun,” was all Sora said, wiping tears from her eyes.

Sawa groaned miserably. 

“Who’s this over here being so loud?” called a voice. A second later, Michi appeared from the crowd, accompanied by a boy who Sawa knew must be her little brother. 

“Hey! I thought you two weren’t gonna make it!” Mutsuki said.

“Kou!” Kento exclaimed. “Long time no see, man!”

“Yeah, mom fell asleep like an hour ago so dad said we should come have fun.” Michi explained. 

“Good!” Mutsuki said. “After all, it’s you and Hajime’s last year here… ugh, what am I going to do alone with all these youngsters next year?”

Michi laughed. “More like what are they going to do with you?”

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious.”

The line moved slowly, and by the time their group had all gotten a chance to pray and get their fortunes, the sky was beginning to lighten. Michi and Kou said goodbye and left to wake their parents for the first sunrise, while Sawa, Amane, and the Sohmas headed back to Kinu’s house. 

According to Hajime, the best place to view the sunrise was from the retaining wall just outside the front gates of the house. Everyone crowded onto the wall, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder facing the city. 

“I guess when our parents lived here, there were a lot more trees so you couldn’t see the horizon from this spot,” Mutsuki said. “They used to climb onto the roof for the first sunrise.”

“Sounds fun,” Riku said. 

“Sounds like a good way to break the roof… or your bones,” Hajime said. 

Sawa gasped. “Is that what happened up—”

“Guys, look!” Sora shouted.

Everyone quieted down and watched as a hazy orange glow appeared against the city skyline. This was another first for Sawa—her first time watching any sunrise, actually. As she blinked at the overwhelming brightness along the horizon and moved her eyes up higher, to where the sky was all soft pinks and purples, she felt like this new year might be different. She hoped.

After a while, Mutsuki yawned loudly, pulling Sawa’s attention back to earth.

“Well, that was nice,” Hajime said, jumping down onto the sidewalk. “Happy new year, everyone. Kento, you’re planning to stay here until Mom and Dad pick you up, right?”

Kento nodded.

“Shiki?” Mutsuki asked.

Shiki was leaning against the retaining wall with his eyes closed. “...m’ dad said he’d… come get me…”

“Sora’s going to crash here, too,” Sora said sleepily, rubbing her eyes. 

Mutsuki laughed. “Well, Mitoma-san, want to stay and sleep for a while? Everyone else is, apparently.”

Sawa fully intended to say no, that she needed to be getting home, but as Mutsuki helped her down from the wall, exhaustion hit her like a wave. 

“I…”

It was still early. What time would her mother be home? Sawa tried to reason with herself, but quickly decided she didn’t care. So what if she got in trouble? Plus, if Sawa was being honest with herself, she wasn’t ready to face her mother yet. The last twelve hours had been like living someone else’s life... She didn’t want it to end. 

“I’ll just sleep here for a little while,” Sawa decided, stumbling through the front gates with the others.

“I’ll come back after I walk Amane home,” Riku said.

“Bye, everyone! Happy New Year!” Amane called, waving cheerfully. 

Sawa awoke in a dark room. She was disoriented at first—this wasn’t her bed, this was… a futon.  _ Oh. Kinu’s futon.  _ Sora was sprawled out next to her, snoring gently. Sawa heard muted voices coming from the other room.  _ Is that what woke me up?  _ Sawa combed her fingers through her hair a few times and pulled it into a ponytail before sliding open Kinu’s door, carefully, so as not to wake Sora. 

Seated in the living room drinking tea were Mutsuki, Hajime, and several people Sawa didn’t know. They all turned to look at her.

“H-hello!” Sawa stuttered.

Mutsuki moved over to make room at the table for Sawa. 

“Mitoma-san, I’d like you to meet our parents.”

Looking at the visitors more closely, Sawa could see the resemblance. There was a man who looked strikingly like Hajime, while Mutsuki clearly inherited his fair hair from his father. She’d heard so much about these people, it was a bit intimidating to suddenly wake up and find them here. 

“It’s nice to meet you!” Sawa squeaked. “Your sons have been very kind to me. Th-thank you for raising them!”

The petite woman next to Hajime’s dad— _ She must be his mom _ —smiled at Sawa. Her smile was blinding.  _ Just like Kento,  _ Sawa thought. 

“It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you, Mitoma-chan! You can call me Tohru-kun, and this is Kyo-kun. And this is our little Emi-chan,” she said, patting a little brown-haired girl who was curled up with her head in Tohru’s lap.

Hajime’s father just gave her a slight nod and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Mitoma-san.”

Mutsuki’s dad smiled dazzlingly and said, “Thanks for taking care of Mutsuki. You can call me Yuki-san.”

_ Ah, that’s where Mutsuki gets that from… _

“You can just call me Machi, Mitoma-san. It’s nice to meet you. We stopped in to say goodbye to Mutsuki, and we brought leftovers from the banquet in case you kids wanted lunch. But then no one was awake, so…”

“So we were just chatting while we wait for the others to wake up! We’re not in any hurry, right, Kyo-kun?” Tohru turned to her husband. 

“That’s right,” he said. “Although if we stay for too long, I’m the one who will be sleeping…”

“So, Mitoma-chan!” Tohru continued. “Shiki tells me you’re in the same class as Riku and Sora?”

“Yes, well, Riku and I are in the same homeroom, but Sora’s in a different… wait, Shiki-kun?”

Tohru laughed—a melodic, bubbly sound. “Shiki’s usually the one to fill me in on what’s going on around here. I can never get much info out of Hajime.”

“I told you when I gave Mitoma her ID back...” Hajime grumbled. “We only have a little time to talk, so I can’t tell you every little—”

The door to Kinu’s room slid open. “Sora… heard her name…”

“Hi, Sora-chan!” Tohru said cheerfully. 

“Tohru-kun! Emi-chan!”

Emi sat up excitedly. “Sora-nee!” 

Sora crawled out of Kinu’s room, and Emi immediately moved to sit next to her. Sora started poking and teasing Emi, and both girls dissolved into giggles. 

“Auntie Machi,” Sora said after a minute. “Did you bring any food?”

“Yes, Sora, we did...” Machi said, rolling her eyes and standing up.

“Ah, let me get it,” Yuki said.

“I can get it,” Machi insisted.

In the end, they both went into the kitchen. Machi grabbed the boxes of food out of the fridge while Yuki got bowls and chopsticks.

“U-um, I can—” Sawa said, starting to stand up, but Mutsuki stopped her. 

“Mitoma-san, it’s  _ leftovers. _ There’s nothing for you to help with.”

“...Hello,” Shiki said from the doorway. 

“Shiki-chan!” Tohru stood up and hugged him tightly, then threaded her arm through his and made him sit down next to her. “Ahh, it’s good to see you. We missed you at the gathering! How are you?”

Shiki smiled warmly. “I’m good, Tohru-kun. How have you been?”

_ They seem close _ , Sawa thought, watching them talk. 

“Oh, Shiki-kun,” Kyo said. “Your dad’s hungover, so we said we’d drop you off at the main house on our way out of town.”

Shiki nodded. “Sorry about him.”

Yuki walked back into the living room and winked at Shiki. “I’m more sorry for you, Shiki-kun. At least we don’t have to live with him anymore.”

Kyo noticed Sawa’s startled expression. “Don’t worry, Mitoma-san. Shiki-kun knows we like to tease his dad. Have you met Shigure yet?”

Sawa shook her head. 

“Yeah… you’ll understand when you meet him.”

“You guys are making such a racket,” Chizuru said, walking into the living room and dropping onto the floor. He nodded at Yuki. “Hey.”

Yuki smirked. “Have I told you lately that you’re my favorite relative?”

Riku and Kento had slouched in right behind Chizuru, so now everyone was awake and crowded into the living room. Sawa’s head was starting to spin.

_ Shoot, what time is it? I got so caught up in meeting everyone, I didn’t even think about it. Mom’s probably home by now. I should really... _

“Um,” Sawa said, standing up. “I should get going. It was nice to meet you all.”

Tohru looked up at her in surprise. “Oh, won’t you stay to eat with us? We’ve hardly gotten to talk, Mitoma-chan! I want to hear how you got to be friends with Hajime and everyone.”

Sawa hesitated.  _ It’s already afternoon, Mom will be really mad…  _ She looked at Tohru, then around the room full of happy, kind people. People who wanted her there. People who she wanted to be around. 

“Okay. Just a bit longer,” she said, sitting back down.

It was dark outside when Sawa finally got back to her apartment building. Riku and Sora had accompanied her, but Sawa hadn’t been paying attention during the walk at all. As soon as Kinu’s house was out of sight, dread set in. Sawa had been gone most of the day. What time did her mom usually get back home on New Year’s Day? Sawa couldn’t remember; it had never mattered before. What was she going to tell her mother? Should she finally tell the truth? What else  _ could _ she say? There’s no way her mother would believe she had been at school on a holiday… Yes, Sawa would just have to tell the truth—she was out with friends. Her mother would probably get mad, but Sawa could handle it.

As she walked up the stairs, Sawa steeled herself for the fight. She double-checked that her phone history was cleared so that the Sohmas wouldn’t be dragged into anything. She took a deep breath and unlocked the door. 

The apartment was dark and quiet. 

Sawa stepped inside cautiously. She flipped on the light—nothing stirred. She walked to her mother’s room—it was empty. 

Her mother still hadn’t come home.

Sawa stared around in disbelief. 

_ Why? I let myself worry about this all day—no, since yesterday—when I could have been happy. I let her ruin my mood, I let her make me afraid, and she’s not even here!  _

She covered her mouth to stifle a sob. She was so beyond exhausted, so beyond fed up. 

“I’m done worrying about you!” Sawa yelled, slamming her mother’s bedroom door. “I’m done thinking about you when you’re not thinking about me at all! I’m done letting you ruin every good day I have! I’m done! Aaugh!”

Sawa fumed and cried until she had no energy left. 

Then she pulled herself together, prepared a bath, and decided to block her mother from her thoughts for the rest of the night. 

_ I need to keep practicing Go,  _ she thought.  _ Tohru-kun seemed so kind… My fortune said I would have success in academics this year... I hope everyone enjoyed the soba that Shiki and I made…  _

Although Sawa did her best to stay focused on the best moments of the past day, she couldn’t help but lay awake late into the night, listening for the sound of the front door opening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had me googling a lot (details about new year’s cleaning, what time does kohaku start, lots of toshikoshi soba recipes). I hope I was able to portray the atmosphere of Japanese New Year somewhat accurately. I would love to spend New Year’s in Japan someday! And now I really want some soba… 
> 
> This story is such a joy for me to write. We might be around the halfway mark now, although I’m pretty bad at outlining so we’ll see. Thank you, as always, for your comments and kudos, and most of all thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Sawa’s mother returned the following evening. 

“I’m home, Sawa-chan! Happy New Year!” She called, setting down her luggage. 

Sawa emerged from her bedroom where she had been doing homework. A debate was happening inside her mind about what to say.  _ Should I yell? Should I try to keep the peace? I don’t want to blindside her. Should I wait to hear her side of the story?  _

“You… I haven’t heard from you in weeks,” she finally said, managing to keep her tone neutral.

“Aw, did you miss me? You must’ve been lonely.” Her mother laughed. “That’s kind of pathetic.”

“No, I just—” Sawa took a deep breath. “Where were you?”

Her mother turned and gave her an appraising look. “I was  _ working _ . You’re old enough to take of yourself for a little while, aren’t you? So Mommy can work to give  _ you  _ nice things and a roof over your head? Honestly, Sawa, you’re so ungrateful sometimes it amazes me.”

Sawa clenched her fists, but managed to keep her mouth shut.  _ If I mention that she forgot to leave money, she’ll wonder how I bought groceries, and she might find out about my job. It’s better not to say anything. Still… _

“Rent is due in a couple days,” Sawa said, bitterness sneaking into her voice. 

“I know that,” her mother snapped. “And I’m going to pay it with my own hard-earned money, so why don’t you show some gratitude for once and go making dinner. I’m exhausted.” 

The next morning, Sawa told her mom that she had a big test coming up and needed to study in the library after school, so she was able to go to work without her mom asking questions. 

“How was your holiday, Mitoma-chan?” Okumi asked as they stood side-by-side in the kitchen, waiting for their tables’ orders to be up. 

“It was really fun! I spent New Year’s Eve with friends.”

“Oh! Not with family?”

Sawa cringed. “Uh… no, my mom was away on business.”

“Ahh, I see,” said Okumi. “It’s just you and your mom, then?”

“Yeah.” 

“I get it. My parents got divorced when I was little so my dad wasn’t around either. Although, I have an older brother and older sister, so it kinda felt like having three parents sometimes.” Okumi giggled.

“Do you still live with your family?” Sawa asked.

“Nope! I moved here for university, so I have an apartment nearby.”

“You’re a student? I can’t believe I didn’t know that.”

“We mostly just talk about work and customers, huh?” Okumi said, tilting her head.

“Yeah…”

“Well, feel free to talk to me about non-work-related things anytime. It’s nicer to have coworkers you get along with, isn’t it?”

“Y-yes!” Sawa agreed.

Abe walked in just then and leaned against the counter. “You girls having fun without me? No fair.”

“How was your New Year, Abe-san?” Sawa asked. 

“Pfft,” Abe put his head down on the counter. “So boring. New Year’s is not my thing. But during our days off school we had extra basketball practice, so that was fun.”

Okumi shot Sawa an amused look. “How twisted is that? He gets a holiday to kick back and relax but  _ prefers _ running around and wearing himself out? I’ll never understand athletes.”

Sawa laughed as Abe started lecturing Okumi about the importance of exercise. 

Sawa was heading home when she got a call from Shiki.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mitoma-san. Do you have a minute?”

“Yeah, I just got off work. Are you feeling better? I heard you got sick after New Year’s. I hope I didn’t force you to do too much—”

“Not at all, I’m fine now. Thanks for your concern.”

“Oh, good! I’m glad.”

“Uh, the reason I called… Well, it’s no big deal if you don’t want to, but... my mom said she wished that she could’ve gone with Tohru-kun to meet you on New Year’s Day, and so, she, um, she wondered if you would come over for dinner sometime?”

Sawa was quiet for a long time, her hand gripping the phone tightly.

“Mitoma-san? Are you still there?”

“Uh, yeah! Sorry. S-sure I would love to—”  _ To meet the people my mom extorted...  _ “—come over for dinner!”

“Great.” Shiki sounded relieved. “When are you free?”

They settled on the following Friday evening. That way, Sawa could tell her mother she had to stay late at school again, if necessary. 

Sawa’s mother was working on her laptop at the kitchen table when Sawa arrived home that night. 

“I’m home,” Sawa said casually.

Her mother examined Sawa head-to-toe. “How was studying?”

“Fine.”

“Uh-huh. Can I see your phone, please?”

Sawa’s heart rate skyrocketed.  _ Damn it, I didn’t clear my history after talking to Shiki just now!  _ Her mother was holding out her hand, waiting.

Sawa fixed her face into what she hoped was a carefree expression as she pulled out her phone and handed it to her mother. Her mother swiftly unlocked it and checked Sawa’s texts—empty—then her calls— 

“You talked to someone just a few minutes ago?” Her mom asked sharply. “Whose number is this?”

“Just a classmate of mine.”

Her mother raised an eyebrow. “And why did your classmate call you?”

“W-we have a group project due tomorrow, and they just had a question about it.”

“Is that so? Calling so late before a deadline; that’s pretty irresponsible.”

Sawa’s mother hit the call-back button and turned on speakerphone. Sawa wanted to curl up into a ball, or disappear. The phone seemed to ring forever. Sawa didn’t know what Shiki’s voicemail greeting sounded like, but if he said his full name, it was all over...

“Hello? Mitoma-san?”

Sawa’s heart tried to jump out of her chest. 

“This is Mitoma Wakumi. Who is this?”

Shiki barely missed a beat. “This is Shiki-san. Can I help you with something?”

“Shiki-san, how do you know my daughter?”

There was a longer pause this time. 

“We go to school together,” he said slowly. 

“...Right. Well, Shiki-san, it’s not my daughter’s fault if you can’t finish your homework on time. Please refrain from calling her again.” Her mother ended the call abruptly. She started to hand the phone back to Sawa, but stopped short. “Sawa-chan, I don’t want you giving out your phone number to just anyone. Just because someone is your classmate doesn’t mean they’re trustworthy or a good person. You never know who they might turn around and give your number to. Next time, handle your group work during school hours, okay?”

Sawa nodded, hoping it wasn’t obvious that her whole body was shaking. Her mother handed the phone back. 

“Good girl. I hate leaving you all alone here when I work, but at least I’m going to be sure you’re safe.”

“Thank you,” Sawa muttered. 

She turned and walked to her bedroom, closed the door behind her, and collapsed on the bed. 

_ Deep breaths, Sawa. It turned out okay. Shiki knew not to say his full name. How did he know to say he was my classmate, though?  _

Sawa’s mind wandered to what could’ve happened if Shiki had said something different, if he had unknowingly implicated Sawa in a lie… She buried her face in her pillow. 

_ There’s no need to be thinking about that. I’ve got to calm down. It turned out okay. Deep breaths… _

Late that night, after Sawa heard her mother go to bed, she wrote a text to Shiki:

“I’m really sorry about that. Don’t respond to this text. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

She hit “send” and immediately deleted the message. 

Mutsuki and Hajime were waiting around the corner when Sawa started walking to school the next morning. 

“Is it okay if we walk with you?” Hajime asked .

Sawa glanced behind her.  _ It’s possible that Mom could drive past and see us…  _ She squeezed her eyes closed. No,  _ stop letting her get to you, Sawa.  _

“Of course!” she said, falling into step with them. 

“Shiki called me last night,” Mutsuki said. “He was pretty freaked out.”

Sawa grimaced. “Actually, do you mind if I try calling him now? I promised him I would.” 

Mutsuki shrugged, and Sawa pulled out her phone and dialed Shiki’s number.

“Hello?” A cautious voice answered.

“Shiki-kun? It’s Sawa. I’m walking to school with Mutsuki-san and Hajime-san.” 

“Mitoma-san… What happened last night? I’m sorry if I caused you trouble—”

“Not at all!” Sawa said. “I caused  _ you _ trouble, so I’m sorry—”

Out of the corner of her eye, Sawa saw Mutsuki smirk and nudge Hajime, who shook his head, exasperated. 

“What happened?” Shiki asked again. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just forgot to delete my call history before I got home, so my mom saw that you had called me.”

“I see. Did—did she do anything to you?”

“No, no. I’ll have to be more careful from now on, though. It would be best if you didn’t text me or call me. I’m sure my mom will be checking my phone more often than she used to.”

“But you… Okay.”

“Um, Shiki-kun, how did you know to say that you were a classmate of mine?”

“What?”

“Last night. When my mom asked, you said you were a classmate.”

“...I just thought that would be the safest explanation.”

Sawa laughed. “You’re amazing! I also told her you were a classmate, before she called you.”

Shiki was quiet for a moment. “That was pure luck...”

“I know; I’m trying not to think about it too much. I’m really sorry, again.”

“Don’t be; it wasn’t your fault.”

“All right, well, I better—”

“Wait!” Shiki said. “Can you call me once in a while, then? It’s just… not being able to call or text you, that’s...”

“Um, sure! I’ll—I’ll call you.”

“Good. I’ll wait to hear from you.” 

Sawa smiled, feeling suddenly lighter. “Talk to you later, Shiki-kun.”

To Sawa’s great discomfort, her mother stayed in town all week. Sawa made up another lie about having a big literature test coming up so that she could go to work on Tuesday and stay late at school for her student council meetings. Her mother didn’t question it, although she continued checking Sawa’s phone history each night.

By Thursday, Sawa was getting seriously concerned about how long this studying excuse would last. After all, her dinner with Shiki’s parents was the next day and she would be mortified if she had to cancel because of her mother.  _ If Shiki’s parents didn’t already dislike me, cancelling our plans would definitely push them over the edge. _

But Friday morning, just as Sawa was starting to think up excuses to give to Shiki’s parents, Sawa’s mother cheerfully announced that she was leaving town. 

“I’ll be back Monday! I’ll miss you sooo much, Sawa-chan,” she said, hugging Sawa tightly. 

Sawa noticed that her mother left her laptop at the apartment. _Visiting a boyfriend, then_ , Sawa thought. _If I’m lucky, she won’t be around on weekends for a while… And today,_ _I’ll be able to head straight to Shiki’s house after student council._ She hummed to herself as she prepared breakfast.

Daylight was fading fast as Sawa arrived at a huge gate. A weathered wooden sign read “Sohma” in grand calligraphy. Sawa stared up at it in awe.  _ Do I just… knock?  _ There was a small door off to one side, and when Sawa walked closer to it she spotted an intercom. 

She pressed the call button tentatively. “H-hello?”

“Do you have an appointment?” A female voice responded.

“Uh, yes. Mitoma Sawa, here to see Sohma Shiki, um, and his parents, Sohma A-Aki…”

The intercom buzzed and a woman in traditional clothing opened the door. She bowed to Sawa.

“You can follow me, Mitoma-san. The family head is expecting you.”

Sawa’s heart skipped a beat.  _ So formal! Oh no, should I have dressed up? I came here straight from school! Even if I hadn’t, I don’t own a kimono… Oh no, Shiki’s parents are going to think I’m so disrespectful… _

Sawa continued worrying as she followed the woman down a quiet street, not paying any attention to her surroundings until she heard the sound of feet pounding the pavement. 

“Mitoma-san!”

Sawa smiled at the familiar face. “Hi, Shiki-kun!”

Shiki breathlessly thanked the woman, then gestured for Sawa to walk with him up to the front porch of a house.

“Sorry I didn’t meet you at the gate. It’s just…” He groaned and ran a hand over his face. “They didn’t warn me... I can’t believe they would just…  _ Uuugh. _ ”

“What’s wrong?! Did something happen?”

Shiki looked back at Sawa remorsefully. “I’m really, really sorry about this, Mitoma-san,” he said, sliding the door open and leading Sawa inside. 

“Back so soon, my beautiful Shiki-kun?” A voice boomed. “Ah! And you’ve brought the guest of honor!”

Sawa paled. A tall, elegantly-dressed man with absurdly long blonde hair swept up to her, taking her hand and kissing it before she realized what was happening. 

“You must be Sawa-chan,” the man said. “It’s  _ such  _ a pleasure to meet you.”

“Ayame-san...” Shiki pleaded. “Act a little more restrained, please…”

“What? I’m just being friendly! Sawa-chan, I am Shiki’s beloved uncle Ayame. When Gure-san told me you were coming for dinner I knew I simply had to join in the fun!”

“Technically, you’re not my—” Shiki began. 

“And this is my lovely bride!” Ayame continued, stepping back and putting his arm around a smiling woman who was wearing the frilliest dress Sawa had ever seen. 

“Nice to meet you, Sawa-chan! I’m Mine. Thank you for being so kind to our son, and for all your help at the shop! It’s so good to finally meet you.”

Of course, Sawa had already managed to figure out who this couple was, so she wasn’t surprised when Mine gestured behind her and Sawa spotted Chizuru leaning against the far wall.

“Hey,” Chizuru said. 

Just then a door slid open and two more people stepped into the hall. One was a woman who was obviously Shiki’s mother, the head of the Sohma family. Her dark eyes were exactly like Shiki’s. She was dressed casually, to Sawa’s relief, in a sweater and long skirt, her shoulder-length hair pulled back loosely. Behind her was a tall man with messy gray hair who must be Shiki’s father, although Sawa couldn’t see any resemblance. He stood with his hands in his pockets, somehow laid-back and intimidating at the same time. Seeing them, Sawa’s heart starting pounding again.  _ I don’t know which is scariest, meeting the head of the Sohma family, Shiki’s parents, or the people who my mother sued. ...I can’t do this. I really can’t.  _ She dug her fingers into the fabric of her skirt.  _ I hate this. Why did I agree to come? How shameless am I? _

“Good evening,” Shiki’s mother said. 

_ Ah, her voice sounds just like Shiki’s. _ ..

“I’m Akito. It’s nice to meet you.”

She was smiling softly.  _ Oh gosh, oh gosh. Say something, Sawa—  _

“I-it’s nice to meet you, too! I’m Mitoma Sawa!” 

Shiki’s father flashed a lopsided grin. “We’re glad you could make it tonight. It’s been a while since we last saw you.”

Sawa almost squeaked in terror, but Akito immediately turned to glare at her husband. 

“Shigure, I said  _ don’t _ ,” she hissed. “Mitoma-san, as you’ve obviously seen, we have a few extra guests tonight. Shigure made the mistake of mentioning this dinner to Chizuru-kun’s father and, well… it’s turned into this. I’m sorry it’s not what you were expecting.” 

Sawa waved her hands. “Not at all! I’m very honored to have been invited! Thank you for having me!” 

_ Shiki’s mother doesn’t seem to hate me, at least,  _ Sawa thought, taking a deep breath and following Shiki’s parents into the dining room.  _ Although I’m not sure about his father…  _

“Mitoma-san,” Akito began as they sat down. “Did you enjoy your winter break?” 

“Ah! Um, yes! I mostly worked, but it was nice to have a break from classes.”

“How responsible!” Shigure exclaimed. “Where do you work?”

“A family restaurant. You might not have heard of it... Honey’s? It’s near the shopping center.”

“Hmm,” Shigure said, tapping his lips. “I’ve never been, but perhaps we should stop in sometime! What do you say, Aya, care to join me?”

Ayame’s face brightened. “Absolutely! Some quality time, just the two of us! It’s been  _ ages _ !”

Shigure hummed happily as Shiki covered his face in embarrassment and Chizuru stared straight ahead, dead-eyed.

Akito rolled her eyes before turning back to Sawa. “So you work part-time. That must keep you busy. Are you involved in clubs as well?”

“Only student council.”

“Ohh, Shigure and I were on student council!” Ayame said. “Do you remember our final glorious culture festival, Gure-san?”

Sawa found that she didn’t need to say more than a few words in response to any question thrown at her, because Shigure or Ayame would inevitably jump in immediately with some story or remark. Sawa found them highly entertaining, although she wasn’t sure if she believed everything they said. Mostly, she was amazed that Shiki and Chizuru were really their sons. Their personalities were polar opposites. 

As the evening wore on, however, Sawa did notice some similarities between Shiki and his father. They had the same sarcastic smirk, the same bored sigh. And although Shiki acted annoyed with his father’s behavior, Sawa caught him smiling at her a few times when she was laughing at Shigure’s outrageous anecdotes. 

Like Sawa, Shiki seemed to have relaxed as the evening progressed. She felt that she was once again seeing a new side of him, like at New Year’s. He was different here, with his closest family. He seemed so comfortable. Sawa felt a little envious.

When the food had long since disappeared and the conversation had mellowed, Shiki announced that he would walk Sawa home. 

“That’s not necessary!” Sawa said. “You were sick recently, and it’s so cold out. I’ll be—”

“I’m fine now,” Shiki insisted. “I’m not going to make you walk alone this late.”

“But you—”

“Ah, I raised such a gentleman, didn’t I?” Shigure interrupted, pushing Shiki and Sawa towards the door. “Have fun, you two!”

Akito raised an eyebrow. “We could just give Sawa a ride home, or Ayame and Mine could.”

“Hush!” Shigure said. “Young people need fresh air.”

“Shiki!” Akito crossed her arms. “Call us if you do start to feel tired.”

“Yes, mom,” Shiki replied flatly. 

“Take the path by the river!” Shigure yelled after them. 

Shiki didn’t respond or even look back at his father, but after he and Sawa had walked in silence for a bit, they arrived at the entrance to a paved trail and Shiki stopped. The path seemed to lead away from the road towards a broad canal. 

“Um, do you want to?” Shiki asked.

“Eh?”

“Walk along the river. It’s not exactly a shortcut, but it’s not much farther than taking the road, and it’s more… um… We don’t have to. Nevermind.”

“Oh, let’s! I’d love to see more of the estate.”

Shiki nodded. “All right, it’s this way.” 

The path was lined by old trees, and even though it was the middle of winter, Sawa thought they looked beautiful. The sounds of the city were distant and muffled here, and the atmosphere was dreamlike. They shortly arrived at the river, and the path curved to run parallel with it. Elegant streetlamps reflected off the water below. A gazebo overlooked the water and the gardens beyond it, and Sawa imagined sitting there in the summer, reading a book or just watching people walk by.  _ What a peaceful place... _

“I liked your parents,” Sawa said.

Shiki hummed. “I could tell they liked you too. Although, to be fair, my dad likes anyone who laughs at his stupid stories.”

Sawa smiled as they crossed the river on a stone footbridge. 

“Shiki-kun, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“What happened with you and your family? Mutsuki-san once told me that—that you were treated badly. Ah, I know it’s none of my business! But... I hated hearing that, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind ever since, and then on New Year’s you stayed with me, which made me happy! I’m not saying I think that was wrong, but I just—I just—ugh... I’m rambling. I’m sorry. You can ignore me.” 

Sawa crossed her arms tightly.  _ Stupid. Why did I bring that up? He must think I’m so rude. _

“It was never about me, really,” Shiki said, looking up at the sky. “My grandmother hates my mom, and some members of the family agree with her.”

_ His grandmother… I remember Mutsuki saying something about her... _

“So when I was born, I don’t know, I guess they hated me too. They told me that my mother was a monster, so I must be one as well.”

She watched his face closely, worry filling her chest, but he looked serene as ever.

“My grandmother tried to kill me when I was four years old. I remember her screaming that she wouldn’t allow another monster to become head of the family. My mother protected me and got hurt. ...After that, I couldn’t shake the feeling that things would be better if I wasn’t around. I just didn’t understand why my grandmother would hate me so much if there wasn’t some truth behind her words. I know I shouldn’t have believed her, but… I was confused. I even wondered if she might be right about my mother, too, and I hated myself for it.”

“Oh, Shiki-kun…”

“My parents, my cousins—all these people were telling me the truth, and I couldn’t accept it. I was so stubborn. I don’t know why I couldn’t just...”

Sawa grasped Shiki’s arm, shaking her head fiercely. “That’s not stubborn! Anyone would’ve been confused after all that!”

Shiki’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“You were just a kid, of course you would believe what an adult tells you! Even if it’s horrible,  _ especially  _ if it’s horrible, words like that—words like that are the easiest to believe.” 

Sawa suddenly became aware of her outburst and dropped Shiki’s arm, stepping back.

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping tears from her cheeks. “I don’t know where that came from.”

Shiki watched her tenderly. “No, thank you for saying that.”

“Ha. I had no business talking to you as if I understand your life. I’m—”

“I think, maybe... you do understand. Better than most people.” 

Shiki started to walk forward again, slowly. They were near the main gates now.

Sawa strode to catch up with him, unsure of what to say. 

“I’m sorry,” Shiki said. “Did I overstep?”

“No, um... you’re right.”

“You’re also trying not to believe what she says to you, right?”

Sawa sighed. “Yes, but it’s hard.”

“Yeah. It is.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there anyone Sawa hasn’t met yet that you really want her to meet? Not that I’m done introducing people yet, but I’m curious what you think!
> 
> Sometimes I do feel like this entire fic has just been introductions so far. Lol! I promise we’ll be moving past that soon. Big things are coming.
> 
> Thanks, as always, for reading, commenting, kudos-ing! I love to hear from you! Follow me on tumblr @beautiful-fiscal-siren for updates.


	6. Chapter 6

The next six weeks were a whirlwind as the student council prepared for Kaibara High’s graduation ceremony. Sawa juggled homework, her part-time job, student council responsibilities, and the difficult task of keeping her life secret from her mother. She made it, though, and March found Sawa and the Sohmas in high spirits. 

“Getting into your first  _ and  _ second choice universities,” Mutsuki scoffed, trying to fix Hajime’s hair as Hajime batted his hand away. “What an overachiever.”

“I got into my first choice school,” Michi pouted. “Aren’t I an overachiever too?”

“Michi, I haven’t seen you study once in the last two years.” Mutsuki said. 

“Yeah, cuz I hate studying. That’s why I picked an easy school. Who’s the smart one now, huh?”

Mustuki laughed. “Still Hajime.” 

They had all been hanging out in the student council room that morning—Sawa and Mutsuki finalizing last-minute details, Hajime and Michi just killing time until they had to meet the rest of their class in the gym. Hajime lectured Mutsuki about keeping the room neat next year, and Mutsuki lectured Hajime about “chilling the hell out.” But now time was up. 

“All right, Michi, we better go,” Hajime said.

“See you guys out there!” Sawa called.

Hajime and Michi waved and left, and the student council room suddenly felt very empty. Mutsuki curled up on a chair by the window, staring down at the school’s front entrance where parents were just beginning to congregate. 

“Today feels strange,” Sawa said.

Mutsuki nodded. “Bittersweet. It’s how all graduations feel.”

“I never noticed before.” 

“I think it’s harder to be the one left behind than it is to leave.” Mutsuki turned to Sawa and winked. “So I fully expect you to cry for me next year when I’m the one graduating, okay?”

Sawa laughed, but she did actually cry that day during the graduation ceremony. She couldn’t help it—Hajime and Michi had both been so kind to her this year, taking care of her and becoming some of her first friends. She couldn’t imagine next year without them. Sawa saw Tohru dabbing at her eyes over in the parents’ section and even noticed Mutsuki sniffling a few times, although his characteristic smile never left his face. 

After school, Sawa joined the Sohmas for a barbecue at Kinu’s house to celebrate. She found herself helping Tohru in the kitchen as Kyo, Mutsuki, and Hajime bustled around setting up tables on the front lawn. 

An older man in traditional clothes put his hand on Tohru’s shoulder. “Can I help with anything in here, Tohru-kun? Kyo’s not letting me do anything outside.”

“Oh, no, Dad! You don’t have to do anything, just relax and talk with Hajime.”

“Are you sure? I could...”

Tohru eyed the man skeptically. “No, Mitoma-chan and I have things covered in here. You can take it easy, honestly! We’re just glad you could be here!”

The man walked away mumbling something about respect. 

“Tohru-kun, that was your father?” Sawa asked.

“Kyo-kun’s father. You can call him Kazuma-san or Grandpa!” 

“I see... Where are Kento-kun and Emi-chan today?” Sawa asked.

“They wanted to come too, but they had school today so they couldn’t. They’re staying overnight at friends’ houses.”

“Oh! Well, it’s wonderful that you and Kyo-kun were able to come.” Sawa said.

“We wouldn’t miss it!” Tohru beamed at Sawa before opening the fridge. “Ohhh no—I only bought one package of pork? No, I was sure I bought three! Shoot, shoot, shoot! Ahh what should I do… Um...” 

“I can go to the store and get more,” Sawa offered. 

Tohru looked at Sawa with sparking eyes. “Really? Oh, thank you, Mitoma-chan! Here, let me give you some money… I’ll just prepare everything else while you run out…”

Sawa tried to refuse Tohru’s money, but in the end it was stuffed into her hands forcefully. Sawa was exiting the front gate just as Chizuru and Shiki were arriving. 

“Hey! I didn’t know you two were coming today.” 

Chizuru shrugged. “Our parents are busy, but Shiki and I didn’t have anything going on. Hibika’s coming too, I think, although you never know with her…”

“Are you going somewhere?” Shiki asked, nodding at Sawa’s purse.

“Just the grocery store! I’ll be back shortly.”

Shiki looked at Chizuru for a second, then back at Sawa. “I’ll come with you.” 

“Eh? You—you really don’t need—”

“Ugh! Just go,” Chizuru groaned, heading inside the house. “Geez, how clueless can you get…” 

Sawa watched him leave. “What’s wrong with Chizuru?” She whispered.

“He’s always like that,” Shiki said.

When Sawa and Shiki returned, there was some commotion on the front lawn. A woman dressed head-to-toe in black seemed to be chasing Hajime around the picnic tables. 

“Saki-san! I’m not a little kid anymore!”

The woman’s eyes were dark as she spoke in a low, ominous voice. “Give up, Haa-chan.” 

Hajime stopped running, covering his face in defeat as the woman, Saki-san, descended on him and enveloped him in a hug. 

“Hello today, Haa-chan,” she said. “Congratulations on graduating. Your waves are a little troubled, I wonder why that is…”

“It’s because you’re treating me like I’m five!” Hajime yelled, but Saki just patted his head consolingly. 

“Poor Haa-chan. Almost an adult and still thinking you can defy Aunt Saki.” 

Saki suddenly spotted the newcomers. “Ah, Shiki-chan, you’ve brought a companion.”

Shiki blushed. “She goes to school with Hajime and Mutsuki. Mitoma-san, this is Aunt Saki.”

“Aunt?” Sawa repeated. “So…”

Saki suddenly wrapped her arms around Tohru, who was setting dishes on the table. “I’m Tohru’s dear sister. No, not sister… soulmate. No… a single soul inhabiting two bodies…”

“Oh, shut up,” Kyo growled as Tohru burst into joyful laughter and hugged the woman back.

“And this is my husband Gabriel,” Saki said, not letting go of Tohru but reaching out to grab the arm of a man walking by. 

The man smiled brightly. “Hello, nice to meet you!” He spoke in an accent Sawa couldn’t quite place. 

Sawa briefly marveled that two people with such drastically different auras could be married.

“They’re Rio-kun’s parents,” Shiki explained.

“I… see…” Sawa said.  _ Rio’s mom is Tohru’s sister? I don’t understand this family at all.  _

Finally dinner was ready and everyone sat down to eat, enjoying the warm spring evening. Sora and Riku had shown up with their parents, and Sawa got to hear a little more about them. 

Kyo told a story about the first time Tohru met Haru. Apparently Haru was trying to visit Kaibara High to challenge Kyo to a fight, but he ended up getting lost for three days and wandering around the whole town. When he finally found Kyo, Kyo didn’t want to fight, until Haru started flirting with Tohru. Haru shook with laughter while Kyo was telling the story. Sawa saw Rin scowl and hit him, although it seemed like she was trying not to laugh as well.

Mutsuki, Hibika and Rio cheered wildly when Haru proceeded to challenge Kyo to a sparring match, and Sawa couldn’t believe Kyo agreed to it. She had never seen a martial arts fight before, but she thought both men were surprisingly agile. In the end, though, Haru conceded defeat.

“This is my job, stupid cow!” Kyo grumbled. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t stop challenging me every time we see each other!”

Haru laughed and stretched his shoulders. “Eh, it’s worth it if I can make you irritated, stupid cat.”  
“Why do they call each other that?” Sawa whispered to Riku. 

“It’s a long story.”

It was late by the time everyone had finished eating. Kyo insisted on walking Kazuma home, so the two of them stood up to leave first. 

“Hajime, be sure to visit me before you move back home,” Kazuma said. “I’m going to miss having you live so close!”

Hajime nodded. “I will. You can visit me at university, too! Take a break from the dojo once in a while.”

“Ha!” Kazuma ruffled Hajime’s hair, making him scowl. “You and your dad both nag me too much. Mitoma-san, it was nice to meet you!”

“You too!” Sawa said. 

They left and Sawa stood up to start clearing the table, but Hibika walked up to her and immediately started playing with her hair. 

“It’s sooo good to see you again, Sawa! It’s been too long. Ooh, did you hear we’re going to the beach house the second week in August? It lines up with everyone’s summer break. Can you make it?”

“Um, I’m not sure!” Sawa said.

“Pleeease? Wasn’t the kimono I prepared last summer so beautiful? I have more plans for you, Sawa-chan! Many, many magnificent plans!”

Sawa leaned back. “Okay! Uh, I’ll see what I can do...” 

The truth was, Sawa very much wanted to go to the beach house with the Sohmas. She was already wondering about how to ask for days off at work, what excuse she could make in case her mother arrived home, how much money it would cost to buy a swimsuit and sandals...

“I was quite pleased to make your acquaintance, Mitoma-san,” said a soft, low voice in Sawa’s ear. 

Sawa jumped and turned to see Saki standing entirely too close for comfort.  _ How long has she been there?!  _

“You too, Mosca-san,” Sawa stammered. 

Saki scrutinized Sawa for a long moment, making her squirm. It felt like Saki was looking into her soul.

“Please call me Aunt Saki. I hear that you and Shiki-kun are good friends,” she said finally.

“Oh! Um, y-yes.”

“Shiki-kun has a sensitive heart and peaceful waves.” 

_ What? What does that mean?  _ Sawa glanced around, embarrassed, but no one else was listening to their exchange. Sawa couldn’t help but be reminded of when Momiji had pulled her aside on the evening they’d met.  _ Take care of Shiki-kun, won’t you?  _ He had said.  _ He’s a good kid... _

“I know,” Sawa said quietly, ignoring the blush creeping up into her cheeks. “I’ll do my best to look after him.”

Saki’s brow furrowed. “That’s kind of you, Mitoma-san, but Shiki-kun has many people looking after him. I meant that you can rely on him.”

Sawa looked up in surprise. 

Saki just smiled ethereally and squeezed Sawa’s hands before walking away, calling, “Gabriel-chan, Rio-chan, let’s be off…”

* * *

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, but finals were fast approaching so Sawa didn’t have any time to enjoy it. She was sitting in Kinu’s quiet living room with Mutsuki, Chizuru, and Shiki, all of them surrounded by textbooks and piles of notes. Normally Sawa would not study with friends, but Shiki had been pretty insistent about inviting Sawa over to Kinu’s house lately. Ever since Hajime moved out, Mutsuki had been quieter than usual, and Shiki wanted to make sure Mutsuki wasn’t alone in the house too often. That made sense to Sawa, so she acquiesced and discovered that studying with others was not too bad, actually. She could ask Mutsuki for help on difficult topics, and to her delight, Chizuru decided to ask  _ her  _ for help sometimes.

“Ah, this can be tricky,” Sawa said, flipping through Chizuru’s math textbook. “You need to start with the cosine to calculate this side and then…” Sawa scribbled an equation. “Like this. Make sense?”

“Oh. Right. I remember doing that in class…” Chizuru muttered, finishing the problem. “You’re a good student, huh, Sawa-san?”

Sawa put her hands up. “Not at all! I do study a lot, I guess, but my grades aren’t that good.”

Chizuru looked at her skeptically. “I don’t think I believe you.”

Sawa opened her mouth to protest, but as she was formulating a response, Mutsuki laughed.

“It’s not that he thinks you’re lying, I think he’s just wondering what ‘not that good’ means to you. Right Chizuru? Like, Mitoma-san, what was the last grade you got that you felt unhappy with?” 

Sawa thought for a minute. “No, I really mean ‘not that good.’ On my last math test, I got an 89…”

Shiki looked up from his work, his expression completely flat. “An 89 percent,” he said slowly, “is not a bad grade.”

“Lots of people did better than me!” Sawa protested. 

Mutsuki covered his eyes with one hand, holding back a laugh. “Oh, Mitoma-san... Look at my grades sometime, then maybe you’ll get it.”

“Well, some of us aren’t the brainy type,” Chizuru said, closing his books. “I can’t do any more today.”

Sawa checked the time. “It’s time for me to go, actually. I have work tonight. I’ll see you guys later!”

Sawa arrived at work and walked to the break room to put her bag in her locker.

“Surprise!!”

Sawa looked around, mouth agape. Okumi and Abe were waiting for her in the small room, which was decorated with streamers and balloons. A handmade sign on the wall said  _ Happy Birthday Mitoma!  _ There was a small cake on the table. 

“What—what is all this?!” Sawa cried. 

“Happy birthday!” Abe said. “We both got here a little early to set this up for you. I can’t believe you got scheduled to work on your birthday!”

Sawa was completely in shock. “You guys! This is… I’m… Thank you!” 

She had to blink rapidly to keep from tearing up. 

“Of course!” Okumi said. “Let’s put the cake in the fridge for now and eat it after close, okay?”

Sawa nodded. “How did you guys even know it was my birthday?”

Abe laughed. “Haven’t you seen the calendar in the kitchen? It has all the employee birthdays written on it.”

“Oh… I guess I haven’t seen it.”

Sawa’s entire shift was somewhat of a blur. The manager, the cooks, everyone wished her happy birthday when they saw her. Abe even told some regular customers that it was her birthday, and they sang to her. It was a little mortifying, but Sawa was happy. She, Abe, and Okumi cleaned up quickly after the restaurant closed and then grabbed the cake from the kitchen and sat down in the break room. 

“Agh, this cake is awesome. Did you make it, Okumi-san?” Abe asked.

“No no no, I wish! It’s from a bakery right next to my apartment. It’s amazing, right?”

Sawa paled. “O-Okumi-san, let me pay you back. Here—” She stood up to grab her wallet, but Okumi grabbed her arm. 

“What? No! This is your birthday present.”

“But—” 

“It’ll all balance out eventually,” Abe said. “I brought the decorations this time. You can bring them next time or something. Whatever.”

Sawa sat back down slowly. “Okay… When are your birthdays?”

“Mine’s July 25th!” Abe said, smiling.

“Hey, I’m August 11th! Fellow Leos!” Okumi said, giving Abe a high-five.

Sawa smiled. “Okay.”  _ I’ll definitely, definitely pay them back on their birthdays. _

“So Mitoma-chan, did you do anything fun with your friends today?” Okumi asked, setting another piece of cake on Sawa’s plate.

“Yes!”

“Oh, Mutsuki-kun and them, right? What did you guys do?” Abe asked. 

“We studied for finals,” Sawa said, smiling.

“...No, I meant what you did for your birthday,” Abe said.

“Hm?”

“Didn’t you get sweets or go out to eat or… do anything out of the ordinary?” Okumi asked.

“Well, no. They didn’t know it was my birthday.”

Abe and Okumi both stopped eating and stared at her. 

“Is that… wrong?” Sawa asked. “Did I do something rude?”

Okumi’s expression shifted from disbelieving to sympathetic. “No, Mitoma-chan, of course not. But your friends probably would have liked to know it was your birthday.”

Sawa stiffened. “Isn’t that selfish? I couldn’t ask them to go out of their way for me…”

“It’s not like that,” Abe said. “Okumi and I had fun setting this all up, and now we get to hang out with you and eat cake. So isn’t your birthday a happy occasion for all of us?”

Sawa was astonished. “I’ve never really thought about it like that… ”

“That’s fine,” Okumi said, patting Sawa on the head. “Just let them know so next year they can celebrate with you.”

“Right!”

When school let out the next day, Sawa was feeling nervous. She, Riku and Amane walked to the front entrance where Mutsuki and Sora were already waiting.

“Sawacchi!” Sora cried, hugging Sawa. “Are you coming to Kinu’s with us today? I heard Pika might be there!”

“I can’t today; my mother is home,” Sawa said. “I just wanted to… tell you all something before I go.”

Sora dropped her arms. Everyone gave Sawa their full attention.

“What is it, Mitoma-san?” Mutsuki asked. 

Sawa clasped her hands together. “Um, yesterday was my birthday. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you, I just didn’t realize… But then at work, they told me that I was supposed to… Anyway, I’m sorry!”

Sora’s jaw dropped. “SAWACCH—”

Riku put a hand over Sora’s mouth. “Chill out, Sora.” He smiled kindly at Sawa. “Mitoma, thanks for telling us. Can we do something to celebrate? Maybe this weekend, after finals are over?”

“This weekend? But, my birthday is already past! I thought, next year…”

“No, no!” Sora said. “It’s not too late! Let’s go out on Saturday. Can we go out? Ahh can we do karaoke?! We can have a party and invite everyone and have cake!”

“Absolutely!” Mutsuki said. “We’ll take care of it, Mitoma-san, just meet us at Kinu’s at… seven?”

“Oh, I can’t, I work Saturday evening.”

“That’s fine,” Mutsuki said. “We could do early afternoon. Does one o’clock work?”

“Yes...” Sawa could hardly believe it. She felt like she was dreaming, like she would burst with excitement. 

Final exams were brutal, but Sawa made it through with the hope of Saturday’s outing motivating her. Her mom left town on Friday as was usual lately, so everything was set. 

Until Sawa was shaken awake by her mother on Saturday morning. 

“Sawa-chaaan, I have a surprise for you! Get up, get up!”

Sawa rubbed her eyes and sat up. Her mom was grinning and flipping through the clothes in Sawa’s closet. 

_ What? When did she get back? What is she… _

“Here, wear this,” her mother said, tossing an outfit on Sawa’s bed. “Guess what we’re doing today?”

Sawa’s eyes widened.  _ What? No—  _

Her mother clapped her hands and jumped excitedly. “We’re going to the amusement park! It’ll be so fun, Sawa-chan, and you’ve never been! Oh, just wait, we’ll see…”

Sawa’s mother chattered on, but Sawa wasn’t listening.  _ The amusement park? Right now? It’s… ten a.m. currently, so…  _

Sawa looked back at her mother nervously. Her mother must have noticed, because she stopped talking about all the attractions at the amusement park and frowned at Sawa. 

“What? Why are you still sitting there? Come on, up!”

Sawa got up.

When her mom left the room, Sawa quickly texted Mutsuki:

“I can’t make it today. Really sorry. I’m okay. Don’t respond.”

“How long does it take to get there?” Sawa asked. 

They had been on the train for an hour already. Sawa had mostly been staring out the windows. She had no idea how to make conversation with her mother—they hadn’t spent time together like this in years—but her mother talked almost nonstop about the amusement park or about how stressful work had been and how much she needed this fun day. 

“How long does it take to get there?” Sawa repeated, thinking her mother must not have heard her.

“You’re so impatient, Sawa-chan. Just enjoy the trip.”

“Right… Don’t we need tickets?”

Her mother shot her a warning glance. “I  _ have  _ tickets. I  _ bought  _ you a ticket. What do you say?”

“...Thank you.”

_ She bought tickets in advance? Why didn’t she tell me sooner? I didn’t even know she was going to be home this weekend. She wasn’t home last night either, so I thought she’d stay away all weekend again. Why did she come back just for this? Is this… a birthday present for me? A surprise? She didn’t even tell me happy birthday, but then again I didn’t see her on my actual birthday. Maybe she was waiting to say it today… _

They arrived at the park around noon. Sawa looked around in awe as her mother pointed out attractions and giggled at the decorations. They headed straight to the line for a roller coaster, which Sawa examined nervously. It was so tall… As they waited in line, Sawa felt more and more anxious.

“Maybe,” Sawa said, “I could wait for you down here?”

“No way! This is an essential experience for you. You’ll love it.”

Sawa did not love it. She clenched her jaw and stared ahead in fear as the car approached the top of a massive incline. She could probably see far into the distance from here, but she was too terrified to look anywhere but the tracks. She didn’t scream when all the people around her did. She thought her hands would break from holding so tightly to the bar. 

When the ride was over, Sawa’s legs were shaking so badly she had trouble standing. Her mother was laughing and cheering.

“Wasn’t that amazing, Sawa-chan? Yay! Let’s do the next one!”

She took Sawa’s hand and started pulling her toward another tall ride. 

“Actually,” Sawa said, stumbling a little to keep up, “My stomach doesn’t feel great. Could I sit down?”

Her mother waved it off. “Everyone feels that way at first. By the time we’re through the line on the next one, you’ll feel better!”

But when they got off the next ride, Sawa ran to a trash bin and threw up.

She stood up straight just as her mother caught up.

“Sorry,” Sawa said. 

Her mother rolled her eyes. “I cannot believe you. Just—go get a drink of water and compose yourself. Honestly.”

Sawa wanted to cry, but she would not. Not here. She found a water fountain and then returned to her mother, who had taken a seat on a bench. Her mother’s annoyed demeanor had already disappeared, and she smiled at Sawa. 

“Let’s take a break from rides, okay? I think you’ll feel better after a meal.”

Sawa did her best to eat the lunch that her mother bought for her, but she had to stop when her stomach began to hurt again.

Her mother glared when Sawa threw away the rest of her food. “That was wasteful, Sawa-chan. I hope you’re not that wasteful at home.”

“Sorry.”

Thankfully, this park only had two large roller coasters, so Sawa didn’t get sick from any of the rides her mother took her on in the afternoon. She even sort of enjoyed some of the smaller rides, as long as she didn’t think about what she was supposed to have been doing today. 

Around three o’clock, Sawa had to accept the fact that she definitely would not make it back in time for work. She excused herself to the bathroom, where she wrote a text to Abe:

“I can’t make it to work today. I’m very sick. Can you please tell manager? Can’t talk on the phone. Please don’t reply, I’m going to sleep.”

Sawa felt bad for lying, but she told herself she  _ had _ technically been sick. She mostly just hoped her explanation would be enough for Abe and that he or the manager wouldn’t call to check on her. 

They stayed at the park until the sun was beginning to set, then Sawa’s mother insisted on going to a nice restaurant for dinner.

“It’ll be a treat!” She said.

Sawa was a little confused at this point, since her mother had not told her happy birthday or mentioned any reason for the outing at all.  _ Maybe she won the tickets, or just wanted to spend some time with me?  _ But during dinner, her mother’s motivation became clear.

“Sawa-chan,” Her mother said, swirling a glass of white wine. “Sometimes in life, you have to be reminded of what’s really important. It’s not work, or money, or boyfriends…” She paused for a long time. “All those things come and go. Family is all that’s left. And you’re my girl, Sawa-chan. You’ll always be my baby girl.”

Sawa understood perfectly. She had heard these words before. 

_ This is her breakup speech. Her boyfriend dumped her. That’s why she came back home early, that’s why she already had tickets—she was supposed to spend this day with him.  _

Sawa sighed and picked at her dinner, pushing down her disappointment.  _ All along, I knew it would be something like this. Or… I should’ve known.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always laugh at Sawa trying to figure out the Sohma family. She has NO idea! Maybe someday…
> 
> Thanks as always for leaving kudos and comments. I love to hear from you! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!


	7. Chapter 7

Sawa met Mutsuki and Kento on her walk to school on Monday.

“Good morning, Mitoma-senpai!”

Sawa had to giggle at being called  _ senpai.  _ This year certainly would be different. 

“Welcome to Kaibara High, Kento-kun!” she said. “Are you all settled in at Kinu’s already?”

“Yeah, I moved in yesterday!”

“That’s wonderful!”

“Mitoma-san…” Mutsuki said, hesitating. 

Sawa’s smile fell away. She had been dreading this conversation. 

“I know,” she said, hanging her head. “Mutsuki-san, I’m so, so sorry. I can’t apologize enough. I can’t believe you and Sora and everyone else did such a nice thing for me and I had to cancel. I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey, none of that.” Mutsuki tapped her chin so she would look up at him. “We were just concerned. You didn’t call Shiki last night like usual either, so we didn’t know what happened.”

Sawa sighed shakily, holding back tears. “My mother... decided that we were going to go out on Saturday. I really, really wanted to hang out with all of you, I swear. But she just showed up, and—and then she was hovering around all day yesterday, too, so I couldn’t get out of the apartment to call anyone... I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault at all,” Mutsuki said, smiling sadly. “And we’ll reschedule karaoke. We  _ will  _ throw you a birthday party, even if it takes until June!” 

Kento, who had been trying to follow the conversation but not quite understanding, suddenly lit up. “Birthday party? Happy birthday, Mitoma-senpai!” 

“Ha, it’s over now, it was March 24th. But thank you, Kento-kun.”

“So your mom is still in town?” Mutsuki asked.

Sawa shook her head. “She took her suitcase this morning when she left for work. I’m guessing she’ll be gone at least until Friday.”

Mutsuki rested his hands on his head. “Ahhh, it’s easier when she’s gone on weekends, though, isn’t it?”

“In some ways,” Sawa said. “But that might not be the case for a while. I’ll have to adjust my work schedule… ugh, I have to find Abe-san and apologize to him.” 

She wished Kento good luck with his opening ceremony and ran off to find Abe. She caught him at his locker. 

“Abe-san,” Sawa said, “I’m really sorry about Saturday. Was everything okay?”

“Oh, Mitoma-san. Yeah, it was fine. Are  _ you  _ okay? Your text was… a little strange, to be honest.”

Sawa flushed deep red. She scratched her cheek absently. “Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I think I was just a little loopy from the medicine or something.”

Abe raised one eyebrow.

“B-but anyway, thank you!” Sawa said, backing away. “I’ll be at work tomorrow night, see you then!”

As Sawa predicted, her mother was home for the next several weekends, often dragging Sawa out shopping or on day trips. She was usually gone Monday through Friday, though, and Sawa passed a lot of time at Kinu’s house. She finally got to see Mutsuki’s “field,” which was really a series of square gardens in the forest behind the house. Apparently Kento’s friendliness didn’t extend to manual labor, so Sawa found herself helping Mutsuki with the gardens frequently. 

“Your dad started this garden, huh?” Sawa asked, dropping sweet pea seeds into tilled soil. “Somehow, after meeting him, I can’t picture it at all.” 

Mutsuki laughed. “My dad and his brother both have this thing about working with their hands. What is it they always say? Um… Something like, they’re the only person in the world who can create that specific thing.”

“I’m... not sure I get it,” Sawa said. 

“Hmm, it’s like, those pea plants wouldn’t grow if it weren’t for you, Mitoma-san. And the clothes that Uncle makes wouldn’t exist if he wasn’t in the world. It’s just an idea that helped them both when they felt like they had no purpose.”

Sawa patted down the dirt. “They went though a time like that?”

“Yep. They dealt with a lot of bad stuff when they were younger. Most of our parents did, actually. The Sohma family was really a mess back then. They worked hard to get to where we are today.”

“Oh, I see… Well, family  _ is  _ really important…”

“That’s not it.” Mutsuki said, straightening up.

“It’s not?”

Mutsuki shook his head. “They put in the work because they wanted to. Because through all the tangled mess, they loved each other. It wasn’t because of family obligation or anything like that. In fact, some people in our family still don’t speak to each other. They were hurt too much, or they couldn’t reach a compromise. And that’s okay. It’s better than being forced together.”

“Hmm. I guess I understand,” Sawa said, running her fingers through some loose soil.

“Good,” Mutsuki said, smiling. “Now can you pass me the lettuce seeds?”

Due to her mother’s new pattern of showing up on weekends and leaving during the week, Sawa and the Sohmas rescheduled her birthday karaoke outing for a Thursday evening. Sawa was determined that nothing would get in the way this time. Sawa and Mutsuki had to stay after school that day for student council, but everyone waited around for them—Sora, Riku, Amane, Mito, and now Kento and Rio as well—and they all walked to the karaoke cafe together where they met Chizuru and Shiki. 

“This is so wonderful, you guys!” Sawa said, flushed with excitement. “I’m so glad everyone could come!”

It wasn’t until they were settled in and had ordered drinks that Sawa started to feel nervous. “Um, I’ve… I’ve never done karaoke before. I don’t sing…”

Amane laughed and pulled Sawa to her feet. “That’s the least important part of karaoke. Come on, we can find a duet!”

Despite her embarrassing performances, Sawa had to admit it was fun. Sora danced more than sang, and it didn’t matter if it was her turn or not—she danced during everyone’s songs. After a while she got Kento to join her, then Mutsuki. Before long the room was crowded with all ten of them dancing—more or less—and singing, or shouting, to cheesy nineties pop songs. 

Sawa’s sides hurt from laughing. A cake arrived, picked out by Sora, and everyone sang “happy birthday.” Mutsuki convinced the server to take a photo of their group, crowded together, arms around each other.

Shiki approached Sawa quietly while everyone else was distracted. “Thanks for inviting me. Here, this is for you.”

“You—you didn’t need to get me anything! Being here was—” Sawa’s voice broke off in a strangled sigh. 

“It’s from me and Chizuru and Rio,” he explained.

“Leave me out of this,” Chizuru said, walking past without looking at Sawa. 

_ Where did he come from? Was he waiting around just to say that? _

Shiki grimaced. He didn’t seem any more comfortable giving her a present than she was getting one. Sawa decided the most humane thing would be to not make a big deal out of it.

She unwrapped a yellow pencil case decorated with flowers and little cartoon animals. “It’s so cute! Thanks, Shiki-kun.” 

Shiki blushed. “I didn’t know what you’d be able to have. um, with your mom… anyway, I thought since you can keep this at school—”

“It’s perfect,” Sawa said. “I’ll definitely use it.”

“SAWACCHI,” Sora squealed, bouncing over to her. “Is it present time now? Here, here, this is from me and Kinu and Pika.”

Sawa tensed.  _ Any gift from Hibika will be… _

It wasn’t that bad, actually. A sunhat and sparkly sandals. They were cute.

“To bring to the beach!” Sora explained. “You  _ are _ coming, right?”

Sawa grinned. “I already got the week off work.”

“Yayyy, Sawa Sawa!!”

Sawa ended up getting a bag charm from Amane and Mito and candy from Mutsuki, Riku and Kento. She said thank you a dozen times, but it wasn’t enough. 

Her mind kept returning to how different her life was barely more than a year ago. The bad stuff with her mom was still happening, still just as bad, but now she also had these unbelievably happy moments that made her feel loved and grateful to be alive. But these moments also made her want  _ more.  _ Now that she knew what life could be, what family could be, it was getting harder and harder to accept her mother’s behavior. Sawa could tell she was growing stronger, but to her surprise, she was also growing  _ angrier _ . Something would have to change soon...

“Mutsuki-san,” Sawa asked as they were walking home. “Can you text me that picture of all of us?”

Mutsuki smiled. “Of course.”

During Golden Week, Sawa’s mother went on vacation with her new boyfriend.  _ That was quick _ , Sawa thought, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be upset about it. She hadn’t been looking forward to being cooped up in the house all week with her mother. On top of that, she had been invited to a gathering at the Sohma estate that she could now attend without worrying about an excuse.

“It’s not formal or anything, but those of us who are in town usually get together,” Mutsuki had told her. 

Sawa frowned. “At the main estate? I don’t want to impose on the family head…”

“Oh no, Akito-san actually asked me to invite you specifically!”

Sawa had been surprised, but nowhere near as nervous as the last time.  _ I’m definitely going to bring a host gift to Akito this time _ , she decided.  _ Last time I felt bad about showing up empty-handed.  _ She struggled to think of a gift that she thought Akito would actually like— _ The family so wealthy, I’m sure Akito is used to nicer food and sweets than I could even afford as a gift— _ but in the end she was able to find something suitable.

Sawa walked to the estate with Mutsuki, Kento and Kinu. They didn’t ring the intercom, just walked right in and waved at the maid who was attending the door. Sawa hadn’t been back at the estate since January, but now the trees were green and the atmosphere felt lively and cheerful.

Instead of walking to Shiki’s house, as Sawa was expecting, she followed Mutsuki and the others to a park, where lots of familiar faces were already milling about and talking happily. 

Akito approached them as soon as they entered the park, nodding in greeting. 

“I’m glad you all could make it,” she said.

“Hello! Um…” Sawa’s heart pounded as she pulled the little gift bag out of her purse. She held it out to Akito. “For...”

“For Shiki?” Akito said, taking the bag. “He’s right—”

Sawa tried to stop her, tried to say  _ No, it’s for you, _ but Shiki was right there and Akito was already handing him the bag and— 

“Shiki, Mitoma-san brought this for you,” Akito said.

“Oh,” Shiki said. “You didn’t need to get me anything.”

Sawa wanted to stop him, to correct the mistake, but she was tongue-tied.  _ What do I do? Why did Akito think that was for Shiki? I can’t take it back, oh gosh, this is so awkward, should I say something?  _ She looked from Akito to Shiki, then over at Mutsuki, whose eyes were narrowed for some reason...

“Happy birthday, Shiki!” Kinu said cheerfully.

Sawa clapped a hand over her mouth— _ No, no, no. What?! It’s his birthday? And… but… That’s not a birthday present! That’s— _ but Shiki didn’t seem to notice, he was already— 

It happened in slow motion. Shiki opened the bag. Pulled out the package. Stared at it.

“...Lavender bubble bath,” he said. 

Mutsuki and Kento both completely lost it then, shaking with laughter and clutching their stomachs. To Sawa’s horror, Shigure joined in as well. Sawa’s hand was still firmly over her mouth, her eyes wide. She wanted to sink through the ground. She felt Mutsuki’s hand on her shoulder and looked up.

He wore a sadistic grin. “This is how it feels when someone doesn’t tell you it’s their birthday!”

Sawa gaped at him. 

“I couldn’t resist,” he said, “the perfect opportunity fell into my lap! Ahh, but that worked out way better than I could’ve hoped. Who was that gift supposed—”

“I can’t believe you!” Sawa grabbed Mutsuki’s arm and shook him. “Mutsuki-san!“ Suddenly all the fight left her, and she sank to her knees. “Mutsuki-san... Whyyy...” 

“I’m confused,” Shiki said. “Mutsuki-san, I thought you weren’t going to tell her it was my birthday?” 

“Yeah, I didn’t! She—she—”

“It was a gift for Akito-san!” Sawa said miserably. “To thank her for hosting me again… Wait, you knew he didn’t tell me, Shiki-kun? Were you all in on it?”

Akito laughed lightly. “I wasn’t. Sorry, Mitoma-san.” 

“I’m sorry, Akito-san,” Mutsuki said, wiping tears from his eyes, “but I never guessed Mitoma-san would bring you a host gift. That was amazing.”

Sawa finally got up the courage to look at Shiki. To her great surprise, he was laughing silently, one hand covering his mouth.

“Shiki-kun, I’ll get you a real birthday gift,” Sawa promised earnestly.

Shiki shook his head, smirking. “No, this is—this is nice.”

Sawa covered her burning face. “That is  _ not  _ what I would’ve picked for you...” 

He offered her a hand to help her up. “Hey, there’s always next year.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this was a birthday party,” Sawa whined at Mutsuki. 

“Well,  _ technically _ , it’s more of a Golden Week picnic where we also celebrate Shiki’s birthday,” Mutsuki said. “It’s not like everyone gets him presents, and we don’t sing to him or anything—”

“That would be awful,” Shiki interjected.

“—So I told you, like, half the truth.” 

“You left out the most important half,” Sawa grumbled.

Once Sawa got over her embarrassment—although she refused to speak to Mutsuki for the rest of the day—the picnic was actually pretty fun. She met Kinu’s parents, then realized in a moment of panic that Kinu’s father, Hatori, was the doctor who Riku had called that day at school. Thankfully Hatori was kind enough not to bring it up, and he seemed genuinely friendly. Mutsuki’s parents were also there. Late in the evening, they found seats across from Sawa while Shiki and the other young Sohmas were off searching for sparklers.

“How have you been, Mitoma-san?” Machi asked. 

Sawa smiled politely. “I’m fine. Oh, I’ve been helping in your garden, Yuki-san! Mutsuki and I planted spring vegetables a few weeks ago, so some of them should be ready to harvest soon.”

“That’s good to hear,” Yuki said. “I miss that little field sometimes. I’ll have to go take a look before we leave town.” 

Sawa nodded.

“Mutsuki tells us you’re really excelling on student council,” Machi said. “Do you think you’ll run for student council president at the end of the year?”

“Oh, no! No, no, I couldn’t. No.”

Yuki grinned. “No? You don’t think so?”

“No, I’m not cut out for that,” Sawa said, waving her hands. “Hajime and Mutsuki are… but I’m not—”

“It looks good on a university application,” Yuki said. 

Sawa pursed her lips. She hadn’t thought much about her future, but university didn’t seem possible for her. You had to be really smart and independent and hard-working to go to university, not to mention the cost...

“I don’t think I’ll go to university,” she said.

“You don’t want to?” Yuki asked casually.

“I’m… I’m not… I don’t know.” 

“Hmm, I’m biased, of course, since I work at a university, but from what I’ve heard about you, it’s a path you should consider.”

“Feel free to ask Yuki and I if you have questions about the requirements or application process,” Machi added.

“Or even about different schools,” Yuki said. “We’re pretty familiar.” 

“Or...” Machi looked at Sawa for a long moment. “Or about anything else. Even non-university related things. Just… let us know if you need anything. I know we don’t live super close, but you can always call. Here, ah, I’ll give you my number.” 

“Oh! Uh—” Sawa fumbled to grab her purse.  _ Is it okay to save her number in my phone?  _ She decided to worry about it later and handed Machi her phone. 

“I mean it, you know,” Machi said, punching in her number. “Don’t be afraid to call.”

Sawa swallowed an unexpected lump in her throat. “Okay… thanks.”

She took her phone back from Machi and stared at the number. Her fingers itched to hit the “Clear history” button like she always did, but instead she hit “Save as contact.” She paused with her fingers above the keyboard before slowly typing “Ma—Chi.” No surname. That should be fine. 

Suddenly Akito appeared at their table, rubbing her temples.. 

“Yuki,” Akito pleaded. “Control your brother.  _ Please _ .”

Yuki raised an eyebrow. “What on earth makes you think I could do that?”

Akito groaned and put her head down on the table. Her voice was muffled but Sawa could still hear her say, “I can’t find Hatori.”

Yuki sighed and stood up. He walked over to where Ayame and Shigure were loudly stumbling around, singing an incoherent song with their arms around each other’s shoulders. Yuki grabbed Ayame by the ear. Ayame immediately started complaining, but Yuki just dragged him away.

Sawa heard Yuki scolding him before they were out of sight. “Can’t you muster a single ounce of social awareness? Honestly, there are children here. Where’s your wife? She should be the one to do this, not me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was super difficult for some reason. I had to just suck it up and post it because I would’ve gone crazy if I tried to edit any more. 
> 
> I can’t thank you enough for reading, and for your kudos and comments! I love hearing your thoughts.
> 
> Big things are happening next chapter!! I’m already excited. Look forward to it!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE BACK! Finally. Life has been hectic these last few weeks, as I’m sure you can all understand. I hope you’re doing well and staying safe. Please enjoy!

“Seriously? I can’t believe you’ve never even heard of  _ My Hero Academia _ ,” Rio said, scanning through shelves of books.

“I told you I don’t really read fiction,” Sawa said, picking up a copy of  _ Fairy Tail  _ and flipping through it. 

“Still,” Chizuru said, “You have eyes, don’t you? It’s everywhere. I didn’t think someone could be so oblivious.”

It was true, Sawa had spent most of her life being oblivious to her surroundings. When the topic of manga had come up at dinner that day, everyone looked at her like she was an alien when she said she’d never read any. Even Sora, who usually avoided all books like they might infect her, couldn’t believe Sawa didn’t know  _ Cardcaptor Sakura  _ or  _ Bleach.  _ It was quickly decided that everyone—with the exception of Mutsuki, who would stay home and study—needed to go to the bookstore and give Sawa a crash course on popular books and manga. Although Mutsuki protested weakly, even he couldn’t justify taking a whole night off studying at this point, so Sora, Riku, Kento, Chizuru, Rio, Shiki, and Sawa had headed out. 

“Um…” Sawa said, “I’ve heard of the one… with the guy with spiky blonde hair…”

Chizuru rolled his eyes while Kento laughed. 

“That’s like, all of them,” Riku said. 

“N… Naruho?”

Shiki stifled a laugh. “Naruto. Do you want to read that? One of us probably owns it already.” 

Sawa shrugged, mumbling, “It’s just one I remembered…”

Sawa enjoyed looking through the manga that her friends showed her, although the first volume that Sora suggested turned out to be a bit shocking. Sawa was grateful that Riku snatched it out of her hands after seeing her expression. 

“Sora,” he said, “ _ Attack on Titan  _ might be a little gory for Mitoma, don’t you think?”

Sora pouted. “It’s better than most of these boring manga!”

Sawa laughed weakly. “I could… I could try it, if you really want me to, Sora…”

“You really don’t have to,” Shiki whispered. “I don’t like  _ Attack on Titan  _ much either.”

Sawa smiled, relieved, but just then her phone rang. Her mother.

“...Yes?”

“Sawa-chan, where on earth are you? Imagine my surprise when I get home early to find an empty apartment!”

Sawa steeled her nerves. She hadn’t been expecting this, exactly, but she had been thinking about it a lot lately, and she had made a decision— 

“I’m out with friends. I’ll be home in a couple hours.”

All Sawa’s friends turned to stare at her. Sawa could feel sweat beading on her forehead. Even though she had resolved to make this choice—to tell her mother the truth—she was so anxious she felt lightheaded.

Her mother’s voice came through the phone clear as crystal, tense and sharp. “What did you say?”

“I’m out with friends,” Sawa repeated, trying to sound casual. “I’ll be home in a couple hours.”

“With friends? What friends?”

“Just some people from school,” Sawa said.

“What are their names?”

“Does it matter?”

“You go out without telling me, with people I don’t know, and you have the nerve to—you know what? It doesn’t matter. I want you home right now, Sawa.”

“No. Like I said, I’ll be back later.”

“No?!” Her mother yelled. “Sawa, I swear, if you don’t get home right now—” 

Sawa gripped the phone tightly. She had been prepared for yelling. Still, it was difficult to deal with. Sawa’s chest hurt. 

“I’ll see you in a couple hours.” Sawa said quickly, hanging up the call.

Her friends were still staring at her silently. Sawa’s face flushed.

“Um, so, I’ll buy…  _ My Hero Academia _ , I guess?” Sawa said casually, turning back to the shelves. “Kento, do you think it’s all right if I keep it at Kinu’s? I’ll have to stop back there with you guys anyway since my book bag is there.”

“Mitoma-san…” Shiki began, looking nervous. “Are you…”

Sawa didn’t meet his eyes, as hers were feeling a little watery and she didn’t want to think about it. Thankfully, Sora just linked arms with Sawa and started pulling her toward the register. 

“Let’s stop to get something sweet on our way back,” Sora said cheerfully. “What’s your favorite, Sawacchi?”

Sawa smiled faintly. “Hmm… ice cream?”

“Yes!” Sora cheered. “Sora loves ice cream the most!”

Later that night, Sawa finally left Kinu’s and walked herself home, kindly rejecting the Sohmas offers to walk with her. She braced for screaming as she stepped inside the apartment, but it was quiet. Quiet was worse. The sound of Sawa’s own footsteps was deafening as she walked into the living room. Her mother was standing in the middle of the room with arms crossed, face set like stone. Sawa wished her own expression could be so cold, but she was sure she looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Sawa, tell me who you were with just now.”

“...”

“Sawa...” Her mother warned.

_ No matter what, I won’t tell her. I won’t let her near them. _

Her mother slammed a hand against the wall. “Tell me their names, damn it!”

Sawa clenched her fists and reminded herself to breathe. “No.”

“You little brat,” her mother spoke with venom now, sharp and clipped. Sawa wasn’t used to this. She had always been careful not to push her mother to this. “You think you’re better than me, is that it? You think you don’t need your stupid old mother anymore? You know everything about the world, you’re so clever, you can just sneak around and get a job without telling me and prance off to who-knows-where—” 

“What?” Sawa breathed. Her eyes widened as she finally noticed a pile of scraps on the table. 

_ Shit, shit, shit. I didn’t think this through. I don’t usually keep my work uniform here at all, I just brought it home to wash. I should have known she would search my stuff, I should’ve kept it all at Kinu’s—  _

“That’s right, I know about your little job,” her mother spat. “And I’ve already called your manager to tell him that you won’t be going back. What the hell were you using that money for, Sawa?” 

Sawa couldn’t think straight. “N-nothing, I swear—”

“Is it drugs? Because I looked through your room, and there’s not a thing in there that I didn’t buy for you—”

“No! Of course not!”

“So I’m supposed to believe this is all of it?” Her mother said, holding up a wad of cash. “An envelope under your bed—not the best hiding place. Were you saving up for something then? Running away?”

“No! I just… I just wanted to be able to go out sometimes. Have some fun…”

Her mother scoffed. “Yeah, right. With your  _ friends.  _ Whose names you won’t tell me. How innocent.”

Sawa bit her lip hard, but it didn’t help. It took all her strength not to lower her head, but she couldn’t look her mother in the eye either. She just stared at a spot on the wall as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her mother sighed heavily.

“Sawa-chan… I’m just worried about you.”

Sawa flinched when her mother put a hand on her arm, but her mother didn’t seem to notice. 

“You just don’t understand how the world works, Sawa-chan. These so-called friends of yours, I don’t know what story they told you but they’re obviously bad news, or you wouldn’t have felt like you needed to hide them from me.”

_ No,  _ Sawa wanted to shout.  _ No, no, it’s because of you! There’s nothing wrong with my friends!  _ But she could hear the warning in her mother’s tone. That sharp edge that communicated without words, “Arguing will only make it worse.”

“You are not to see these friends any more, obviously,” Her mother continued. “I want you to be able to have fun, but I’m sure you understand I just can’t trust you to make good choices about who you spend your time with. Not until you earn it. So for now you’ll introduce any new friends to me and clear every outing with me first. If you’re that desperate to have a job, you can help me with my work. Eventually, when I think you’re ready, we can go out and look for a job for you together. How does that sound?”

Sawa kept staring at the wall.

“Oh, Sawa-chan… someday you’ll understand. I’m just trying to keep you safe.”

“...”

Her mother sighed. “Fine. Give me your phone.”

Sawa wordlessly pulled her phone out and handed it to her mother. 

“You’ll get this back when I can trust you to use it properly.”

Her mother put Sawa’s phone in her pocket, then sat down at the table and sighed. “This is really going to cause me a lot of trouble, Sawa-chan. I can see that I’ll have to forgo travel for a while to make sure you’re not running around with delinquents after school and on weekends. You better hope I don’t miss out on a promotion because of this.”

The thought of her mother being home every day finally caused Sawa to speak up. “No, you don’t have to! I’ll—I’ll be good, I promise. You don’t have to change your work schedule because of me. I’m sorry. I won’t go out anymore.”

Her mother scoffed. “You want me gone that badly? How awful. Anyway, until you gain back my trust, I expect you to come home straight after school. I’ll be waiting here.”

Sawa nodded. Her mind felt numb.  _ She’s… going to be here… all the time… What am I going to do? _

On Monday morning, someone unexpected was waiting for Sawa around the corner of her house. Shiki stood next to Mutsuki and Kento, the three of them talking in hushed voices. 

“Shiki-kun!” Sawa exclaimed. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have school?”

Shiki inhaled sharply. “Mitoma-san. N-nobody heard from you after… Are you okay?”

“Sorry, my mother took my phone, but I’m fine. My mother made me help her sort files all weekend. She was pretty mad—oh, but I didn’t tell her any of your names so you don’t have to worry about that!”

Mutsuki shook his head. “How many times do we have to say we don’t care about that? You can bring her to Kinu’s house for all we care! Honestly, do it; I want to give her a piece of my mind.”

Sawa put her hands up placatingly. “That’s really not necessary! But, uh, Shiki-kun, really, why are you here? Aren’t you going to be late for school?”

Shiki blushed. “Y-yeah, but... “

Kento patted Shiki on the back. “She’s got a point. You’ve seen her, she’s all right, now you better get going.”

“Right… I’m glad you’re okay, Mitoma-san. Will you be at Kinu’s after school?”

Sawa grimaced. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go to Kinu’s for a while, sorry.”

Shiki looked stunned. “Then… I’ll see you…”

For the first time, it hit Sawa that her mother’s new attentiveness meant Sawa couldn’t easily see Shiki at all, or Chizuru, or Kinu…

“Ah, but I’ll do my best to visit Kinu’s sometime soon!” She said quickly. “I’ll figure something out.”

After hesitating for a moment, Shiki nodded and said goodbye, then ran off, leaving Sawa, Mutsuki, and Kento to head towards Kaibara High. 

“Uh, Mutsuki-senpai,” Sawa began, her heart sinking. “I also… won’t be able to attend student council meetings. I’m sorry. Please accept my resignation.”

Mutsuki stopped walking. “I don’t.”

“...You don’t?”

“That’s right, I don’t accept your resignation.”

“B-but I can’t stay after school anymore; my mother will definitely not allow it—”

“And that’s fine. I understand. For now, you can be excused from after-school meetings and we’ll lighten your workload, but you can still get some work done during lunch, can’t you? We can all meet in the student council room then.”

Sawa started to smile despite her eyes filling with tears. She nodded quickly.

Mutsuki grinned. “Good. I know you’re not in an easy situation, but I don’t want you to do anything drastic because of it. I believe this will just be temporary. You’ll work it out somehow.”

Before Sawa headed to the student council room that day for lunch, she tracked down Abe in his classroom. He saw her and excused himself from his friends to meet her in the hallway. From his expression, Sawa could tell he had already heard the news.

“I, um, I can’t work at Honey’s anymore,” she stammered. “I just wanted to… apologize and… thank you for all your help.”

Abe leaned against the wall. “Sounds like your mom didn’t know you were working, huh?”

Sawa’s face flushed. “Oh, y-you heard that? Ah, I’m really sorry for causing the restaurant trouble. I didn’t… um…”  
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Abe said lightly. “Even if your mom caused a little trouble, you were a great server. I think Manager is more upset that you’re not going to be around than about the fact that your mom yelled at him.”

Sawa covered her face with both hands and groaned. “Did she yell? Ahh I’m so sorry. I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, from what I heard, she did. It must be tough to have a parent like that.”

Sawa looked up in surprise. Abe laughed.

“What? We’ve worked together for six months, okay? I know that you must have had a good reason to keep the job a secret from your mom. You’re like the most responsible high schooler I know. So the problem is clearly your mom.”

Sawa was taken aback at hearing Abe speak so bluntly. “You… she...”

Abe smiled and tapped his forehead. “It pays to be observant, you know. But hey, Okumi-san was really sad to hear that you’d quit. You better find a time to go see her.”

“Oh!” Sawa was ashamed that she hadn’t even thought about Okumi yet. “You’re right. I’ll... I’ll definitely do that as soon as possible.” Sawa bit her lip, wondering how long that would have to wait. She sighed. She would just have to do her best to earn back her mother’s trust as quickly as possible, whatever that meant.

Unfortunately, summer break arrived in a flash, and at that time, Sawa discovered exactly how her mother expected Sawa to earn back her trust. Sawa had previously been looking forward to visiting the Sohma’s beach house in August, but now she was facing six weeks of assisting with her mother’s clerical work as well as doing maintenance jobs around the apartment. Her mother had apparently explained to the landlady that Sawa had been getting into trouble lately and needed to learn some discipline. The landlady was happy to oblige, so Sawa spent the sweltering days weeding the small garden plots outside the apartment, mopping the hallways, and distributing memos to residents. 

Sawa had plenty of time to reflect on the choice she had made to be honest with her mother, as well as to decide where she should go from here, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to honestly think through it. She was completely worn out, and with no one to ask for advice, the best plan she could come up with was to hold on until September. She focused on working diligently and not complaining. She didn’t argue with her mother, not that they had much to argue about those days. Sawa didn’t go anywhere except with her mother, and they didn’t talk about anything except what her mother wanted to talk about. 

In a way, it was familiar. Besides all the extra maintenance work, this is how Sawa had lived most of her life—putting up with her mother, not talking back, not making waves. The days passed in a blur. Sawa often wondered how her friends were doing, but now, at the very least, she knew she would be able to see some of them when school started up again. Things would get better then. They had to. So she bit her tongue and counted down the days, and finally, finally, on the morning of the first day of the new term, Sawa’s work paid off—her mother returned her cell phone to her. 

“This is so you can contact me from school in case of emergencies, okay? I still don’t want you giving out this number to anyone I don’t know.”

Sawa nodded and tentatively put the phone in her school bag, as if her mother might change her mind if Sawa made any sudden moves. Later, outside the apartment, she checked her saved photos and sighed in relief—the picture from her birthday party was still there. Her mom probably hadn’t even thought to look through her photos. 

Mutsuki and Kento weren’t waiting to walk to school with her, but she met Mutsuki in the student council room at lunch. 

“Mitoma-san! Long time no see.” Mutsuki looked at her with a mixture of kindness and apprehension. “How are you holding up? How was your break?”

“It was fine,” Sawa said, slumping into a chair. “I finally got my phone back this morning.”

“Oh, good!” Mutsuki said brightly. “So… things are better with your mom now? Think you’ll be able to come over for dinner soon?”

“Erm, I don’t know about that.... I really want to, but I just don’t see how I can.”

“You took a big step, finally being honest with her,” Mutsuki said. “But now…”

“Yeah,” Sawa said. “Now what? It didn’t go so well.”

“Sounds like you’ve still got some big decisions to make,” Mutsuki said.

Sawa nodded. Just being back at school, being around people she could trust, made her feel more clear-headed. It was like the last two months were a bad dream. “I think…” she began slowly, “I think the worst is over. That was the first time I’ve ever really stood up to my mother, so she was completely blindsided. Now, even though she’s basically forbidden me from going anywhere outside of school, she should at least be getting used to the idea that I have friends at school. That I have a life outside of her. I think I’ll be able to keep taking steps towards helping her understand that…”

Mutsuki hummed thoughtfully. “I hope so. They do say the first step is the hardest. I have confidence that you’ll be able to keep moving forward. We really miss you at Kinu’s, you know. And not just because we’re sick of every takeout place in town.”

Sawa laughed. “That’s what you get for being lazy!”

“Ugh, you’re starting to sound like Hajime. I don’t need more nagging in my life, thank you.”

“Maybe if you could learn to make instant ramen without causing a fire—”

“That was  _ one  _ time!”

After school, Sawa chatted with Amane and Mito a little, catching up and hearing about their summer breaks. They walked to the gates of the school together, where Sawa waved goodbye and turned to head home, but she was immediately met with an unexpected sight. 

“I’m here to walk you home,” her mother said lightly, standing right outside the school gates with her hands on her hips. “Are those friends of yours?”

“N-no!” Sawa said quickly. “Just classmates.”

Her mother looked past Sawa, to where Amane and Mito were still conversing. 

“Thank goodness for that,” Sawa’s mother said. “I thought this school was supposed to be  _ selective.  _ Do they let anyone in, or are those girls some kind of scholarship, charity-case thing? Ugh, look at their hair. And those shoes—” 

“Mom!” Sawa paled. Her mother was speaking loudly; there was no way Amane and Mito couldn’t hear her.

“What?” Her mother shrugged. “Just stating the obvious.”

Sawa walked quickly away from the school, and her mother thankfully followed. Sawa glanced back quickly and saw that Amane and Mito were staring after her with wide eyes. Sawa’s stomach felt like lead.  _ What the hell? What am I supposed to say to that? Should I scold her?  _ Can  _ I scold her? Ahh, how did I let this happen again? How am I going to face them tomorrow? _

In the end, Sawa didn’t say anything, although she was literally trembling with anger. She just bit her tongue and let her mother ramble on about work and who-knows-what else.  _ I’m hopeless after all _ , Sawa thought.  _ I can’t even stand up for my friends when it matters.  _

The next day, Sawa found Amane and Mito before class and, heart heavy, launched into the speech she had been thinking up since yesterday.

“I’m so, so sorry,” she said shakily. “It’s no excuse, but I thought if I said you weren’t my friends, my mother would leave you alone, but then she said all that anyway. I’m so sorry. She’s like that. I-I don’t know why she’s like that... Anyway, I’ll stay away from you from now on. I just wanted to let you know th-that I don’t agree at all with what she said, and that... I did consider you my friends. I’m really sorry.”

Amane and Mito both stared at Sawa blankly for a long moment, then looked at each other.

“Uh, Mitoma-chan, I accept your apology,” Amane said finally. “Please continue to be my friend.”

Sawa looked up in shock. “What?”

“Me too,” Mito echoed. “I’ll admit it wasn’t nice to hear those words from you and your mother, but I think I understand.”

“To be honest,” Amane jumped in, “Sora-chan told us a little bit this summer. We were wondering why you weren’t ever around anymore, and, well, we heard that your mom can be kind of… unpleasant.”

“O-oh…”

“I’m sure Sora-chan didn’t mean to talk behind your back or anything!” Amane added. “It was just so strange not to see you with the Sohmas… and we were kind of worried, honestly.”

Sawa felt the tension draining out of her. Not just the Sohmas, but now her other friends too—they knew about her mother and... they didn’t hold it against her. They still wanted to be her friends. Even Abe, after her disastrous end at work, had laughed it off. Sawa suddenly felt overwhelmed with gratitude. Tears welled up in her eyes. 

“You guys…” she choked, unable to say anything coherent. 

“Aww, Mitoma-chan,” Mito said, putting an arm around Sawa. “We love you, too.”

Amane patted Sawa’s back as Sawa continued to sniffle. “You cry too much,” she teased. “We need to do, like, exposure therapy or something… force you to chop a thousand onions…”

After that day, Sawa was careful to always leave the school grounds alone. Her mom didn’t pick her up everyday, but Sawa did not want to risk any of her other friends being subjected to her mother’s loud insults. Sawa still talked to her friends plenty before school and in between classes, but she got into the habit of dashing outside as soon as the last bell rang, not stopping for anything until she was past the school gates. However, as the culture festival approached, Sawa found herself making time for hurried errands and last-minute student council work after school. She never stayed more than a few minutes, but one day after running to turn in an agenda to the culture festival faculty advisor, she found her mother waiting outside, tapping her foot impatiently.

“A little slow today, aren’t we?” Her mother commented.

“Sorry,” Sawa panted. “I had to ask my teacher a homework question.” 

_ Shoot, I lied again. I wasn’t going to do that anymore. _

“Pay more attention in class, then,” her mother said, beginning to walk towards home. “Stop selfishly wasting my time.”

When the day of the culture festival finally arrived, Sawa wasn’t thinking about her mother. There were schedules to distribute, supplies to inventory, records to keep. Sawa had put a ton of work into this day; her responsibilities as a second year on the student council were definitely greater than last year. And Sawa was proud of her work—the whole day pretty much went off without a hitch. Sawa kept herself so busy overseeing various details that she didn’t even notice a certain visitor until the festival was almost over. She was walking through the front courtyard of the school on her way to the storage shed when— 

“Mitoma!” A familiar voice called. Sawa stopped in her tracks. 

“Hajime-senpai?” Sawa cried. “What?! How—”

Hajime laughed. “My school happens to be off today so I thought I’d come see how you all are faring without me. As I thought, you didn’t need me at all. The festival turned out great.”

“Ah! Thank you! W-we miss having you here, though! Mutsuki-senpai is a little more hands-off than y—”

“What lies are you telling about me?” Mutsuki appeared, flanked by Riku and Sora, the latter of whom immediately jumped at Sawa, clinging to her neck like a toddler.

“Oh,” Sawa said breathlessly, “Mutsuki-senpai, I was just saying that your, um, leadership style is a little different than Hajime-senpai’s…”

Mutsuki nodded sagely. “I do come from a long line of student body presidents, after all.”

Hajime elbowed him. “That’s the opposite of what you should be saying. You’ve passed all your work onto the other student council members, haven’t you?”

Sawa smiled. It felt like old times, having everyone here together. 

“Sawacchi,” Sora pouted. “You haven’t hung out with me all daaay. Let’s go get crepes!”

“Eh? I think everything’s closing up by now—” Sawa started to say.

“Oh, there you are,” said a cold voice from behind Sawa. 

Sawa spun around, dislodging Sora’s arms from around her neck. 

“I came to pick you up from school,” her mother continued, “But I guess you had to stay late today, huh? You could’ve told me about your cultural festival, maybe I would’ve visited earlier.”

Sawa felt like the air had gotten very thin. Her mind had gone blank—how could this be happening?

“So, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends? I’m Mitoma Wakumi,” her mother said cheerfully, addressing Hajime, Mutsuki, Sora and Riku. “Please excuse my daughter’s poor manners.”

Sawa snapped back to reality. Mutsuki was giving her a questioning look. After a tense moment, she nodded in resignation.  _ There’s no going back now.  _

“I’m Sohma Mutsuki. It’s nice to meet you.”

Sawa watched her mother’s face flush as she looked from Mutsuki to Sawa.

“I’m Sohma Hajime.” 

“...Sohma Riku.”

Sora, surprisingly, kept quiet, crossing her arms and staring off to the side with a stony expression.

Sawa had never seen her mother like this. She looked pale now… nervous? Sawa took a deep breath.

“These are my friends,” Sawa said.

Her mother laughed, although it sounded strange and forced. “Sawa-chan, let me talk to you over here for a second.” She grabbed Sawa’s arm and dragged her a few feet away. 

“Do—do you know who these people are?” her mother whispered. “Of course not, you were too young to remember. The Sohmas are a horrible family. They actually caused us a lot of trouble when you were—”

Sawa pulled her arm away. “I know exactly who they are,” she said, stepping back toward the Sohmas. “And I know the trouble  _ you  _ caused  _ them _ .”

“Are you kidding?” her mother said, raising her voice. “Ha! Give me a break. That whole family are rich snobs who think they can—”

“Stop it!” Sawa hissed. “Stop lying!” She could feel Sora and Hajime at her sides, Mutsuki and Riku standing, unwavering, behind her. She wasn’t backing down this time. 

Her mother glared at her, eyes wide. “You—how dare you speak to me that way?”

“I’m done letting you treat my friends like trash,” Sawa said, her voice suddenly sounding oddly calm. “You don’t have to like them, but they’re important to me.”

Her mother glanced around angrily, as though looking for support from somewhere, but after a second she gave up. “Fine,” she spat. “You know what? You want to choose these pretentious assholes over your own mother? So be it. You can be a burden to them instead of me. Don’t bother coming home.”

And she turned on her heel and marched off, leaving Sawa and the Sohmas in dead silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are really moving fast now. I’ll be working hard to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. As always, your comments, kudos, and shares are super appreciated! I recently started a twitter, @unlucky_siren, so follow me there if twitter is more your cup of tea. Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you all catch Fruits Basket Another chapter 13 this week?! Ahhh it was so heartwarming, as always. For now, enjoy some non-canon...

Not for the first time, Sawa found herself waking up to the rapid clacking of a keyboard and the sight of pale blue light illuminating Kinu’s head and shoulders as she leaned over her laptop. Sawa groaned. Her head was pounding.

Kinu must have seen that Sawa was awake, because she whispered, “Go back to sleep, Sawa. It’s still the middle of the night.”

Distressing thoughts threatened to breach the edges of Sawa’s consciousness, but she rolled over and let herself be lulled back to sleep by the steady sound of Kinu’s typing.

Bright light shone through the crack under Kinu’s door when Sawa woke again. She heard several voices just outside. 

“—good if she can sleep a bit—”

“—not anything else we can do—”

“—can make some calls and—” 

Sawa groaned and stretched her neck as the events of yesterday finally flooded back to her. Her stomach growled. Had she eaten dinner last night? No, the Sohmas brought her back here after… after everything happened, and she hadn’t been able to stop crying, and then Kinu had insisted that she go to sleep. _No wonder I’m so hungry...._

Sawa stepped into the living room and five pairs of eyes landed on her. She slowly took a seat at the table. 

“Good morning, Mitoma-san,” Shiki said.

“Oh, Shiki-kun…” Sawa said. “You’re here early.” 

“I actually came over last night, but I guess you were already asleep by the time Mutsuki called me.”

“Oh.” Sawa said. Her brain seemed to be sluggish this morning. “You—you slept here?”

Shiki shrugged. “Yeah.”

Silence fell. Sawa felt like maybe she was supposed to say something, but she couldn’t think of what it was. Hajime set a plate of eggs in front of her and poured her a cup of tea. Sawa stared at it. 

“Sawa, I don’t know if you heard me say this last night,” Kinu began abruptly, breaking the awkward silence, “but you are more than welcome to stay here for as long as you need.” 

Sawa swallowed a bite of her breakfast and opened her mouth to protest, but—

“And before you even say it!” Kinu interrupted. “You _can_ impose on us, _no_ it’s no trouble, I _won’t_ accept any money from you, _yes_ it’s really fine.” 

Sawa stared, flabbergasted. “U-uh, what? I…”

_It’s true, that’s what I would have said, but thinking practically... where else could I go? I have no money and no job. My only other option would be to beg my mother to take me back._

Sawa bowed her head. “Thank you.” 

Kinu clapped. “Great, that’s settled. Now, I’m going to sleep. Keep the volume to a dull roar, please.” 

Kinu crawled off to her room and shut the door with a _clack_. 

“Want more, Mitoma? I made plenty,” Hajime offered, taking Sawa’s empty plate from her. 

“Uh, yes please,” Sawa said. She still felt hungry and exhausted. Even before everything that happened with her mother, she had worked herself to the bone yesterday at the culture festival. 

“Mutsuki-senpai,” Sawa said, realizing something. “Is the student council meeting today to go over yesterday’s numbers? I guess, uh, I can make it after all.” 

Mutsuki shook his head. “Nph,” he mumbled, mouth full of food. “Ah ‘ancelled iff.” He paused to finish chewing. “I decided all that stuff can wait until Monday. We have a week to turn it in, after all.”

“Oh,” Sawa said. “Okay.”

Mutsuki cleared his throat. “Actually, Mitoma-san, we were talking before you woke up… I thought I could contact Michi and see if she left any old clothes or things at home that she doesn’t want any more. Her parents live pretty close, so we could go over there today if they’re free. What do you think?”

“Ah…” Sawa rubbed her forehead. This was challenging—she was so used to saying no, it was on the tip of her tongue, but this time she really needed all the help she could get. She nodded. “That would be great, if she happens to have anything…” 

“Great! She’s such a pack rat; I’m sure she’ll have some stuff for you.” 

Hajime coughed loudly, “Potcallingthekettleblack!”

“Hey!” Mutsuki protested. “It’s good that she’s a pack rat! It’s coming in handy now! I feel completely vindicated. I’m never throwing anything away ever again.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “You can keep telling yourself that. At least I don’t have to live with you anymore.” 

Mutsuki elbowed him, but turned back to Sawa. “Anyway, we’ll also have to find a little time to go shopping for a toothbrush and, I dunno, whatever else you need.”

Sawa flushed. “I… I actually don’t have any money. My mom found all of it when she found out about my job, so...”

An inscrutable expression flashed across Mutsuki’s face before he fixed on a relaxed smile. “No big deal. I got it.”

Sawa sighed deeply. “Okay. Thank you. I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.” 

The table fell quiet again. _Everyone feels awkward because of my situation… I have to do something._

“Uh,” Sawa spoke up, standing quickly and starting to gather dishes from the table. “I’ll do the dishes! Thanks for making breakfast, Hajime-san. It was great.” 

She hurried to the kitchen and started filling the sink with hot water. She wasn’t really surprised when Shiki walked up next to her and picked up a towel to dry. This had become something of a routine for them back in the days when she ate dinner here frequently. _It feels like so long since I’ve done this… and now I’ll be here every day..._ Sawa found that her feelings on that fact were too complicated to sort out at the moment.

“Shiki-kun,” Sawa began hesitantly, after they had been working in silence for a while, “I’m going to go outside to call my mom after this. Could you—” Her voice cracked. “Just, um, for moral support… could you come with me?”

Shiki fumbled with the bowl he was drying and it wobbled noisily on the counter. 

“S-s-sure!” He said. “I can do that. Of course.” 

Sawa closed her eyes in relief. “Okay. Good.”

They finished up the dishes and left the kitchen through the side door, bypassing Mutsuki, Hajime and Kento who were now sprawled out in the living room watching some kind of cartoon. It wasn’t that Sawa didn’t want them to know she was calling her mother, it was just easier not to have to explain. She didn’t even quite know how to describe why she wanted to make this call. Scenarios played out in her head, all the ways this conversation could go, and none of them felt exactly right.

Sawa and Shiki walked down the garden path in the backyard, stopping to sit side-by-side on a stone bench that overlooked the vegetable plots. Sawa pulled out her phone and dialed.

Riiiiiiing.

_Should I ask if I can stop by the apartment to get my things? Does that seem too final? Will she take my key away from me?_

Riiiiiiing.

_If she’s mad, what do I say? I’m not going to stop seeing the Sohmas, but I guess I could apologize for not telling her sooner._

Riiiiiiing.

_Am I sorry, though? She would’ve been mad no matter how I told her. Would I have done something differently if I’d known what would happen?_

Riiiiiiing.

... _What can I say to make things better?_

Click. “The number you have dialed is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone.” 

Sawa ended the call. “Well... she’ll see that I called, at least. Maybe she’ll call me back, or…”

Sawa was frustrated to feel tears welling up in her eyes yet again. 

Shiki shifted so he was facing Sawa, but he didn’t say anything. Sawa hung her head. 

“I hate this,” she said. “I’ve spent so much time feeling trapped, but now I just... I feel stupid, but she’s the only family I have.”

“That’s… not stupid at all,” Shiki said quietly. “She’s your mom.”

“...What am I going to do?” Sawa asked, sniffing. 

“For now, Mutsuki and Kinu and... and all of us… will make sure you have everything you need. You’ll be okay. And hopefully, your mother will call you back soon. And then you’ll go from there.”

Sawa nodded and let out a long breath. “Right… Thanks for being here, Shiki-kun,” she whispered.

Shiki opened his mouth and closed it again. “Yeah,” he said finally. “Of course.”

Sawa and Shiki returned to the living room to find Mutsuki, Kento, and Hajime engrossed in some kind of racing videogame. 

“Play with us,” Kento said, tossing Sawa a controller. 

“Eh? I don’t know how! A-and besides, it’s only for four players. Shiki-kun, you should play instead of me.”

Shiki held up his hands. “We’ll rotate in and out. That’s what we usually do.” 

Out of excuses, Sawa accepted the controller and sat down. While Kento changed the settings to four-player, Shiki explained what buttons to press and the basic rules. 

“Oh gosh. Oh gosh! Aagh! Everyone’s moving so fast!” Sawa cried, flinching when she drove her car into a wall. 

“Yeah, it moves quick,” Shiki said, his gaze flitting from Sawa’s controller to the screen. “Hey, you’re supposed to run into those boxes. Yeah, those ones. ...Good. Now press the right trigger to use your item—”

“Trigger? What trigger?!”

“This button,” Shiki said, tapping Sawa’s index finger.

“Oh! Like this?” 

Hajime yelled as Sawa’s character threw a bomb at his car. 

“Like that,” Shiki said. 

“Ahhh, my heart is pounding,” Sawa groaned. “This is crazy!”

Sawa was never able to win, but she got the hang of the game eventually. It helped that whoever was sitting out each round gave her pointers and cheered her on. She didn’t know what to do when it was her turn to sit out, so she just watched the screen and made sympathetic clicking noises when anyone’s car flew off the edge. The morning slipped away.

“Shoot, is it noon already?” Hajime said, checking his phone. “I better get going. I’m staying at my parents place tonight.” 

“Say hi to Mom and Dad for me,” Kento said, not taking his eyes off the television. 

“Will do. Hey, you should visit them sometime before finals, okay. Kento? Did you hear me?” Hajime bonked Kento on the head lightly. 

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you,” Kento said, swatting Hajime’s hand away. “I’ll visit for Emi’s birthday in a couple weeks.” 

“Good,” Hajime said. 

“Shoot,” Mutsuki said, setting his controller down. “I have to go, too. I forgot I’m meeting my study group for lunch today. I’ll walk with you, Hajime. Mitoma-san, we can go to Michi’s house and go shopping when I get back, okay?” 

“Okay,” Sawa said. “It was good to see you, Hajime-san. Have a safe trip.”

“Thanks. See you guys!”

Sawa was left in the living room with Kento and Shiki. 

Kento yawned dramatically. “Uhhh, I’m gonna go take a nap,” he said. “Hajime and I were up way too late last night.”

“Are you sure you don’t want lunch first?” Sawa asked. “I can make something; I don’t mind at all.”

“Nah, that’s okay,” Kento said, waving a hand. “I’ll eat later.”

“Oh, okay… See you later, then.”

Kento nodded and walked out. Sawa stood up quickly.

“Well, I guess I’ll just make lunch for the two of us, then. Any requests? I haven’t gotten a chance to see what we have yet…”

“That’s okay,” Shiki said. “I should probably get going.”

Sawa’s face fell. “Oh. Of course, you must be tired. I’ll… I’ll see you—“

“Actually,” Shiki blurted out. “Um, w-want to go eat… somewhere? It’s on me.” Sawa must have looked shocked, because Shiki blushed deep red and explained quickly, “It’s just, I really should head home soon, but, um, there’s a ramen place about halfway to the estate and it’s fast and pretty good and so I thought maybe we could… Sorry, forget it. I’ll just go.”

“Wait!” Sawa said. “No! I mean, yes. We’ve barely gotten to catch up, anyway, so… so let’s go. Unless… you don’t want to?”

Shiki’s eyes widened. “No, I do. Let’s—let’s go.”

“This is amazing,” Sawa said, slurping more noodles from her bowl. “I didn’t even know this place existed.”

“My dad and I come here sometimes when my mom is sick,” Shiki said. “He doesn’t like eating meals at home without her.”

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Sawa said. “How has Akito-san been feeling lately?”

Shiki smiled gently. “She’s been well. Oh, she actually wanted me to tell you that if you need anything…”

Sawa blushed. “Oh! Wow, tell her thank you, but I’m—”

“You don’t have to say no right now, just… if you ever need anything, just ask.”

“Okay. I appreciate it.”

Shiki nodded and continued eating.

“So… how was the beach house?” Sawa asked. “I heard a little bit from Sora and Riku. Did Hibika-san really make all the boys wear kimono this year?”

“Ah, she tried.”

Sawa laughed.

“But Chizuru and Kento-san rioted.”

“Oh my gosh, I can imagine.”

Shiki grinned and leaned his head on his hand. “You should’ve seen Chizuru’s face when Hibika-san came downstairs with a whole suitcase of clothes she made for the boys. I thought he was going to explode.”

“Shouldn’t he expect that kind of thing by now? After all, he grew up with her.”  
“She’s gotten bolder, actually.”

“Ha! No way. Poor Chizuru…”

They finished eating and stepped back into the bright autumn day. Shiki crossed his arms and hunched his back against the wind. Sawa tried unsuccessfully to keep her hair from whipping around her face.

“Well, thanks for coming out to eat with me,” Shiki said. “I’ll, um, call you tomorrow—”

“Huh? I’ll walk you the rest of the way home!”

“You don’t have to. You must still be tired from yesterday.”

“Forget about me, _you_ look exhausted,” Sawa said. “I don’t want you to pass out on your way—”

Shiki turned away. “I’m not a little kid. If I need to rest I’ll just rest; you don’t have to look after me...”

Sawa clapped a hand over her mouth.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “Of course you’re not. I didn’t—I don’t—”

Shiki’s eyes grew wide and he waved his hands. “No no, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… you were just being nice, and I—ugh, I’m sorry.” He sighed.

Sawa stared at him for a second and then giggled. Shiki looked up.

“Wha—?”

“I’ve never heard you grumble before, Shiki-kun. It doesn’t fit you, somehow, hahaha…”

Shiki’s mouth curved up slightly. He rubbed his forehead uncomfortably. “Um… yeah, sorry. I must be more tired than I thought.” 

Sawa laughed again and waved. “No worries. I’ll talk to you soon, then. Walk safe.”

“Y-you too, Mitoma-san.”

Kinu was awake when Sawa returned to the house, and she helped Sawa start cleaning out the empty bedroom upstairs. 

“Hey, now you have full time access to the miscellaneous clothes closet. Wear this stuff as much as you want,” Kinu said, flipping through some brightly colored dresses on hangers. “Just try to avoid Pika’s failed early sewing attempts…”

“Right,” Sawa said, eyeing a particularly gaudy sequined scarf. “Thank you.”

“So, Sawa,” Kinu said, sitting down and leaning against the wall. “How are you doing with all this?”

“Um…” Sawa bit her lip. “I’m very grateful. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

Kinu tilted her head and smiled warmly. “You’re very kind, Sawa. But what I meant was more… what do you need? Do you want me to try to get ahold of your mother? Or maybe Akito-san would have more luck, considering their history…”

“No, that’s okay!” Sawa said. “At least for now. I’ll keep trying to call her. Um, if that’s okay.”

“Sure, all right.” Kinu nodded. “What else do you need? School supplies? Shoes? Any medicine?”

Sawa thought for a minute. “I just need a job…” she muttered.

Kinu chuckled. “You have an impressive work ethic. Hmm, if you really want to find a job… I might actually be able to help you with that.”

Sawa looked up in surprise. “Really?”

Kinu pulled out her phone. “Yes. Excuse me for a minute while I make a call…”

That evening, Sawa and Mutsuki walked over to Michi’s parents’ house. The man who answered the door immediately shouted “Muu-kun!” and threw his arms around Mutsuki. 

“Hey, Uncle!” Mutsuki said. “Long time no see.”

“You’re right! What the hell, man? You avoiding me?” The man ruffled Mutsuki’s hair.

Sawa clasped her hands awkwardly. _This person is so loud…_

He turned to Sawa. “Hey, I’m Manabe Kakeru. You must be Mutsuki and Michi’s friend. Uh, Sawa-chan, was it?”

“U-um, nice to meet you...”

“It’s _Mitoma_ , Uncle,” Mutsuki said, elbowing Kakeru. “Don’t scare her.”

“Right, Mitoma-san. Don’t mind me! Come on in, I’ll show you to Michi’s room. She called earlier and said there’s a box in her room of stuff she wanted to donate anyway, as well as a few other things you can have if you want. I might’ve already forgotten some of what she said, haha! But we can just call her again if there’s anything we’re not sure about. All right, let’s do this!”

Sawa followed Kakeru and Mutsuki up to Michi’s mostly empty bedroom. Kakeru kept up a running commentary as he fished items out of Michi’s closet and handed them to Sawa. Sawa’s arms were quickly too full to carry anything else, so when Kakeru turned to hand her a lime green throw pillow, he froze.

“Ah, hm, I can, um,” Sawa tried to shift the things she was holding. 

“No no no!” Kakeru said, throwing the pillow onto Michi’s bed. “Pause. Set everything on the bed. I’ll go get a big garbage bag.” He sprinted out of the room.

“...a garbage bag?” Sawa echoed.

Mutsuki laughed. “That’ll work.”

In the end, Sawa and Mutsuki left carrying one large garbage bag apiece, full of bedding, clothes, books, and various other things. Sawa felt conspicuous walking down the sidewalk like that, but Mutsuki told her to stop thinking too much. When they returned home, they dropped off the bags in the spare bedroom—Sawa’s room, now—and trudged downstairs. 

“How’s Manabe-san?” Kento asked.

“Good. He said to say hi,” Mutsuki said, laying down on the floor. 

“Is he always so…?” Sawa began. 

“Fun?” Mutsuki provided.

“I was going to say hyper.”

“Haha! Yep! He’s outgoing, right? He and my mom are seriously nothing alike.”

“Wait, he’s your mom’s brother, really? But then... he and Ayame are both your uncles, but they’re not related at all?”

Mutsuki cracked up. “Nope, but I’m telling my dad you said that. He’ll cry.”

“Ah!” Sawa waved her hands. “No! I didn’t mean anything by it! Please don’t!”

“I’m going to call him right now! I’ll put it on speaker, hold on—”

Sawa shrieked and snatched Mutsuki’s phone out of his hand. Mutsuki sat up to grab it back, but Sawa scrambled across the room.

“Kento, please take this!” She cried, passing the phone to Kento and then standing in between him and Mutsuki. “Hide it somewhere!”

“Roger that!” 

Kento ran out the kitchen door, and Mutsuki spun around and dashed off to try to catch him from the other direction. Sawa sank to the floor and caught her breath, laughing to herself. 

_This isn’t so bad_ , she thought. 

_I can do this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not plan to write Kakeru into this fic in the same week that he was introduced in the anime, but I’m so glad it worked out that way! He’s such a character; I really love him. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! As always, I’m grateful if you want to share, leave comments or kudos, or hop over to my tumblr (beautiful-fiscal-siren) or twitter (@unlucky_siren).


	10. Chapter 10

“Mitoma-san, you worked in a restaurant before, is that right?” 

“Yes, that’s correct.”

Sawa was seated in a cramped office that, much like the tiny shop it was attached to, was filled with books. The shop itself had floor-to-ceiling shelves that made Sawa feel like she was in the den of some wealthy scholar. It even had a locked glass case that boasted rare books. _I haven’t read that many books outside of school. What if she asks me my favorite? What if she asks how much time a day I spend reading? It’s not like I don’t like to read, but—_

“And my granddaughter tells me that you did well there; you just had a little problem with your mother, is that right?” 

Sawa flushed. “Yes.” 

“Well,” the elderly woman said, opening a drawer and pulling out a packet of papers. “I’m not concerned about a little thing like that. What’s important is that Kinu recommended you, and I trust her judgment. So, if you can just fill out this new hire form, I’ll go get the schedule and see when we’ll need you this week.”

“Of course! Thank you so much, Shiraki-san!” Shiraki left the room and Sawa leaned back in her chair, hardly believing her luck. _That was so much quicker than my interview at Honey’s. I’ll have to thank Kinu tonight._

Sawa filled out the entire form except the part that said “emergency contact.” She was paused there, pen raised above the line, when Shiraki returned. 

“Don’t think too hard about that, Mitoma-san,” Shiraki said, glancing at the form. “We just need that in case you don’t show up for work and we can’t find you, or if we have to take you to the hospital. In situations like those, would you want us to call your mother?”

Sawa hesitated.

“Or maybe Kinu?” Shiraki suggested. 

“It… it should be my mother, for situations like that…” Sawa muttered, filling in her mother’s name and phone number apprehensively. 

Shiraki smiled. “Like I said, don’t worry. Chances are we’ll never have to use it. Anyway, let’s get you scheduled for some shifts! What time do you think you could get here after school?”

They worked out a schedule for the next two weeks, and Sawa couldn’t help but feel excited as Shiraki handed her a copy of her schedule. _Back to work again, finally._

“Thank you, again!” Sawa said. “I’ll do my best!”

Sawa stepped outside the little shop onto a quiet street lined with bright red maple trees. Sawa had never spent time in this part of town before, but it was a beautiful, quaint tourist spot—tidy storefronts facing the river, boulevards filled with flowers, even a cobblestone square with benches surrounding a fountain. It was a little oasis.

As she crossed a wide bridge, headed for the bus stop, her phone rang. 

It had been eight days since Sawa had left a voicemail on her mother’s phone, nine since she had been kicked out. 

“Hello,” Sawa said.

“I saw that you called,” her mother said flatly. “What, did those people kick you out already?”

Sawa suppressed a sigh. “No, they didn’t. I just thought… I don’t know, we should talk about this? Try to work it out?”

“Are you apologizing?”

Sawa knew she shouldn’t be surprised by this. “I’m—I’m sorry for keeping things from you, but it seemed like the only way—”

“You were sneaking around my back even thought you _knew_ our family’s history with the Sohmas.”

“Mom, please try to understand—”

“You really hurt me, Sawa. I don’t know what I did to deserve such an inconsiderate daughter.”

Sawa scoffed; she couldn’t help it. “You were hurt? My own mother kicked me out! How do you think I felt?”

“This is ridiculous. I’m not defending myself to a teenager. Call me when you’re ready to talk calmly.”

_Click._

Sawa looked up at the sky and groaned. 

_How does she always manage to twist my words around? I mean, it’s true that I was keeping a lot of secrets from her… but it was justified, right? I mean, the Sohmas have also seen how manipulative she can be; it’s not just my opinion. How can I make her understand what she’s doing to me?_

“Mitoma-san?”

Sawa’s thoughts came crashing back to the present as a familiar figure loomed in front of her. 

“Shi-Shigure-san! Greetings! I m-mean, good, uh, good afternoon! How are you? What—” Sawa glanced around in confusion. “What a coincidence to meet you here!” 

“Ahh,” Shigure chuckled. “I heard that you might be getting a job at Shiraki’s shop. Is that right? Did you get hired?” 

“Eh? You heard?” 

“Oh, didn’t anyone tell you? It’s my _favorite_ place in the world. I’m there at least twice a week. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other a lot from now on!”

Sawa tried to sound carefree. “Th-that’s great! Yes, I’ve just been hired, so I guess I’ll be seeing you there sometimes.”

“Haha! How wonderful. We can get to know each other better.” Shigure grinned sharply. “See you around, Mitoma-chan!”

Sawa shuddered. _I remember hearing something about Shiki’s dad being cunning, but I’m not convinced he doesn’t just hate me. That smile is unnerving..._

Sawa glanced behind her, but Shigure was just strolling leisurely toward the bookshop. She thought she heard him whistling. _Maybe I’m imagining things._

Sawa was relieved to start attending student council meetings again. There was at least some semblance of routine that Sawa could relax into. The whole student council was busy for a week with wrap-up after the culture festival, and Sawa gladly jumped head-first into conducting surveys, writing reports, and balancing the budget. On the day the final report was due to their faculty advisor, Mutsuki asked the whole council to stay late for an impromptu meeting.

Sawa volunteered to turn in the report, but when she returned from the faculty offices, there was an unusual tension in the room. Everyone was seated at their desks except Mutsuki, and they all looked at her expectantly. 

“Um… hi?” Sawa said, moving to take a seat at her usual desk. 

“Could you stand here with me for a second, actually, Mitoma-san?” Mutsuki asked, taking her arm and bringing her to the front of the room. 

“W-what’s this about?” Sawa asked, glancing around. “Did I forget something? Oh no, was there a mistake in the report? I can go get it back—”

“Mitoma-san, we want you to run for student council president,” Mutsuki said. 

Sawa froze. She frowned. She looked around the room, expecting to see laughter or confusion, but everyone else was just… looking at her. “Are you serious?”

Mutsuki laughed. “I don’t think this should come as a surprise,” he said. “You’ve taken the lead on, what, half of our projects this year?”

“Have I?” Sawa asked blankly.

“The teachers trust you, you get along well with everyone, you always give your best,” he continued. “We all agreed that we want to support your campaign.”

“You all...” Sawa looked at her fellow student council members. “Really?”

“Yep!” Mio said. “You’ll do great, Mitoma-chan! I feel like we’ll be leaving the student council in good hands.”

Sawa felt her face getting hot. “I d-d-don’t know what to say...”

“The campaign is really not a big deal,” Chiaki said. “We can help you put up posters and everything, but honestly, since you’ve already served on student council, you’re almost guaranteed to win.”

“There’s really no need to be nervous,” Mutsuki said. 

Sawa ran a hand through her hair. “If you guys think I should,” she said at last, “then okay, I guess.” 

“Yay! Wonderful,” Mutsuki said, clapping his hands together. “I’m glad that’s settled. I’ll get you the paperwork so you can officially announce your campaign.”

Sawa nodded. “All right. Um, can I sit down now?” _I feel like my knees are going to give out._

“Ha! Of course, sorry,” Mutsuki said, taking a seat himself. “Let’s go over the schedule for campaign week…”

Sawa had to admit, it was nice to be able to walk home from school with Mutsuki and Kento, not worrying about what time her mother might be home or what excuse Sawa would give her. They fell into a routine of stopping at the grocery store together, then when they arrived home, Sawa would usually cook dinner while Mutsuki and Kento studied. One day Sawa had to study for an English test, so she convinced Kento to quiz her while she cooked.

“Define ‘meticulous,’” Kento said, holding Sawa’s textbook open as he paced around the living room.

“Careful and thorough,” Sawa answered.

“Okay, now ‘versatile.’”

“Useful for many different situations.”

“Past tense of the verb ‘to draw.’”

“Uh, drew.”

“Past participle?”

“...have… drawn?”

“Yup,” Kento flipped the page. “Oh, that’s the end of the practice quiz. Is there another one?”

“Nope, that’s all of it. Thanks a lot, Kento-kun. I’ve barely had time to study with everything else going on. This was a big help.”

“No prob,” Kento said, setting Sawa’s book by her school bag and pulling out his own work. “Thanks for always making dinner.”

The sound of the front door sliding open was accompanied by Kinu yelling, “Guuuys, I’m home!”

Mutsuki jumped up from the table. “Kinu-nee, did you get the mail this morning? I was expecting a...” His voice trailed off as he left to meet her in the entryway. 

_I’m never alone these days_ , Sawa thought as she heated soup on the stove. _It’s funny, I thought my life changed so much last year when I became friends with the Sohmas, but I still spent most evenings alone in that apartment. Now I’m surrounded by so much activity all the time. This must be what it’s like to grow up with a big family._ She smiled to herself. _It’s nice. I do wish I could get a few hours alone to study, though._

Dinner was relatively calm tonight, as it was just the four of them. 

“How was school?” Kinu asked between bites of fish. “Anything exciting happen?”

“Not really,” Kento said. “How about you? Declare a major yet?”

Kinu’s face darkened. “Hush, you. We don’t need to talk about such depressing things at the dinner table.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Sawa said. “Is your deadline coming up soon?”

Kinu’s head drooped. “I’ve already stretched out my general education classes an extra semester, so I need to pick a major before next semester’s registration opens.”

“Have you narrowed it down at all?” Sawa asked. 

“I thought maybe psychology, since that’s pretty broad… or maybe history? I could work for a museum? That sounds chill. I don’t know.”

“Hm… what kind of job would let you be the most lazy…” Mutsuki pondered.

“Yes, you’re asking the important questions!” Kinu agreed.

“You should study business or something,” Mutsuki decided. “I always thought that having a middle-management position in some kind of large corporation was the best way to avoid work.”

Kento snorted. “I really doubt that. Is that what you’re going to aim for, Mutsuki?” 

“Who knows. Maybe. I’ll wait to see how it goes for Kinu, and then I’ll decide.”

“Great, thanks for making me your guinea pig.” 

Mutsuki grinned. “Anytime.” 

Kinu groaned. “Let’s talk about something other than my crushing career prospects.” 

“Well,” Mutsuki said, “Sawa will be joining the impressive ranks of Sohma student body presidents. We can talk about her bright outlook.” 

“Oh wow, congratulations, Sawa!” Kinu said, clapping her hands together. 

“Ah, it’s not definite yet!” Sawa protested. “I just agreed to run.”

“Ohh, so it’s not too late for you,” Kinu said. “I recommend changing tactics and aiming for vice president. It still looks good on college applications but it’s _way_ easier. That’s what I did.”

Mutsuki nodded enthusiastically. “Agreed, vice president is the way to go. I bowed to the pressure to run for president but I should’ve stayed vice and made Chiaki run. I was a fool.” Seeing the look on Sawa’s face, Mutsuki added, “Oh, but not for you, Mitoma-san”

Sawa looked at him skeptically, and he laughed. 

“...Think of the college applications?” He said. 

“But you just said—”

“Never listen to me; haven’t you learned that by now?”

Sawa rolled her eyes. “You’re right; I should—”

Sawa’s phone started to ring and she pulled it out of her pocket. 

“Oh…” She looked at Mutsuki and Kinu. “I should take this, excuse me.” 

Sawa hurried into the hallway and answered the phone on her way upstairs. 

“Mom?”

“I think it’s time for you to come home, Sawa.”

Sawa stopped in the middle of the staircase. “What?”

“This has gone on long enough. It reflects badly on me to have you being a burden to those people any longer.”

Sawa’s mouth fell open. _She… she’s talking as if this was all my choice. As if I ran away._

“I… I don’t know if I want to go home,” Sawa said, reaching her bedroom and closing the door behind her. “The Sohmas don’t mind having me here. They’re nice to me.”

“They’re _nice_ to you? How long do you think that will last? Do you think they’ll pay for all your clothes? Your school fees? Healthcare fees? Even those rich bastards have a limit. They’ll start to resent you sooner or later if you stay.”

Sawa was silent for a long moment. “Even if that’s true, I have a new job now. I can support myself, at least partly. And I can pay them back, even if it takes a while.”

“Ha! Do you know how expensive you are? How much I’ve paid to keep you happy?”

“I’m your child, I didn’t have any choice in who raised me—”

“Are you going to pay me back for the last sixteen years? Or are you just going to abandon me after all I’ve done for you?”

Sawa really couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She struggled to think of some response that wouldn’t lead to more yelling.

“I’ve never heard of such an ungrateful child,” her mother continued. “What did I do to deserve this?”

Sawa hung up without a word and slumped into her desk chair, exhausted. 

“Despite all my experience dealing with her, she comes up with these arguments that I’m not prepared for at all, so I don’t know how to defend myself. Am I really taking for granted all the money she’s spent on me? Do I owe her?”

“Of course not,” Amane said. “Raising a kid is expensive, but parents sign up for that. She’s being unreasonable.”

Sawa was eating lunch in the classroom with Amane and Mito. This was another perk of being able to attend student council after school—Sawa could eat lunch with her friends again. It was the middle of campaign week, and Sawa was grateful for the break, even if she couldn’t quite make her mind relax. It had been days since the conversation with her mother, but she was still trying to process it. 

“It might be best to just give your mom some time to cool off,” Mito said. “It sounds like she _is_ upset that you’re not around, even if she’s bad at expressing it.” 

“I just wish we could talk to each other without the conversation devolving into shouting and insults,” Sawa said. “Ugh, I really can’t deal with this right now. I have to work on my campaign speech for the assembly this afternoon.”

“Oh, let me see it,” Mito said, reaching for Sawa’s notebook. “I’ll help.” 

Sawa, Amane and Mito spent the lunch period finalizing Sawa’s speech, and then Sawa was excused from class during the second-to-last period to go prepare for the assembly. As a candidate, she was exempt from the set-up work that the rest of the student council was doing. She and the other three candidates were led on stage to test the microphone and get used to the podium and the lights. 

“You got this, Mitoma-chan!” Mio said as she carried folding chairs past Sawa to the edge of the stage. 

Sawa smiled hesitantly. “Thanks, senpai.”

Eventually the candidates were ushered to their seats on stage as the student body started filing in. 

“Woo! Go Sawacchi!” Sora yelled, taking her seat with the rest of her class. 

Sawa covered her mouth to laugh. Sora gave her a thumbs up. The room got louder and louder with the chatter and occasional cheers of students until Chiaki took his place at the microphone and everyone fell silent.

“As a representative of the student council,” Chiaki began, “It’s my pleasure to announce the candidates for the upcoming student body election. Each candidate will introduce themselves and present their platform. Please listen carefully in preparation for Friday’s election. We will now hear from our first candidate, second-year Mitoma Sawa.”

Amidst polite clapping, Sawa stood up slowly and focused on her breathing as she approached the podium. She was nervous, but not as devastatingly anxious as the first time she had stood on this stage. _I’ve come a long way since I was forced to join the student council,_ she thought. _I can do this. I can do this._

Sawa made it through the speech without any problems, and then it was time to seriously get to work. The next two days were a blur. Sawa stayed late after school with the rest of the student council, helping print ballots and organize the voting schedule. They only took short breaks to eat dinner together in the student council room, with everyone crammed around a desk full of takeout containers, talking over each other about nothing in particular. Then it was back to work. Sawa didn’t have time to worry about the election results or about the situation with her mother. When she and Mutsuki got home late in the evenings, they studied in the living room until they couldn’t stay awake any longer. 

As a result, Sawa overslept on Friday morning. She, Mutsuki and Kento rushed out the door amidst Sawa’s repeated apologies about not making them breakfast. On the way to school, Sawa’s stomach started doing flips. Although it wasn’t an exciting day for most of the student body—student council elections were little more than an excuse to get out of class for a few minutes—Sawa found that despite her reluctance, despite still not knowing whether she was actually good enough, she wanted to win. More than she’d wanted anything in a long time.

Sawa sat through homeroom and listened to the announcement of the voting schedule for second-years, then left as the bell rang and met up with the rest of the student council in the cafeteria, where they were setting up polling stations. Sawa was grateful that she was allowed to help with this even though she was a candidate. She didn’t think she would be able to handle sitting through classes this morning. 

Mutsuki walked up and pushed a melon bread into her hands. “Here. It’s gonna be a long day, better keep up your strength.”

Sawa realized she was ravenous. “Oh my gosh, thank you.” She tore open the package.

“Are you ready?” Mutsuki asked. “The first class will be here in ten minutes.”

Sawa punched one fist in the air. “Ready!”

Voting took place throughout the morning. Sawa stayed busy carrying ballots and ballot boxes back and forth between the faculty offices and the cafeteria and making sure everything stayed organized. Before she knew it, it was lunchtime and voting was over. Sawa wasn’t allowed to help with counting, which meant she had to sit in class all afternoon, just waiting for the results. She kept zoning out and forgetting to take notes, but thankfully Amane always nudged her back to awareness. In the middle of the last class of the day, Mutsuki, Mio and Chiaki appeared at the door. 

“Sensei, could Mitoma-san please be excused from class?”

Hanajima raised an eyebrow at Sawa. “Go ahead,” he said, waving his hand. “You can find out the homework from someone when you get back.”

Sawa gathered her things and hurried out of the classroom. Mutsuki, Mio and Chiaki wouldn’t meet her eye as they walked to the student council room. Sawa’s heart was pounding. They pushed open the door— 

A flurry of voices shouted, “Congratulations!” 

The rest of the student council was gathered there already. They threw paper scraps in the air, which Sawa had to bat away from her face. Someone handed her the results sheet and she scanned it quickly. She had won by a sizable margin. At the bottom of the paper, Sawa’s name was written in bold letters and circled with a highlighter. Sawa was suddenly overwhelmed.

“What is this?” She asked, staring up at the ceiling determinedly so she wouldn’t cry. “I can’t believe this.”

“Hey, you deserve it, Mitoma-chan!” Mio cried, hugging Sawa. “You worked really hard this year.”

Sawa made a sound that she hoped was more of a laugh than a sob. “I didn’t do anything, it was you guys—”

“Nah, cut that out,” Chiaki interrupted. “You’re president now, you have to take responsibility. This was all you.”

Sawa sniffed and covered her eyes with one hand. “Okay…”

“Agh, what are we going to do with you?” Mutsuki said. “What, why are you crying? Are you happy?”

Sawa let her hand fall and nodded rapidly. “I’m really happy. Thank you, everyone.” 

Mutsuki sighed. “All right, enough of this. We still have to go clean up all the ballots in the faculty room. We’ll party this weekend! My last student council party as president, so it’s on me, okay?”

Sawa laughed and wiped away her tears. “Right. Let’s get back to work!”

Sawa and Mutsuki got to walk home with Kento for the first time all week, and Sora and Riku decided to tag along as well. They stopped to pick up ingredients for dinner, but when they arrived at Kinu’s house, there was already food on the table. 

“Oh,” Machi said, carrying a stack of bowls to the table. “We have a few extras today, I see. That’s fine, I made way too much anyway.” 

“Auntie Machi!” Sora cried, throwing her bag into a corner and sitting down at the table. “Always coming in clutch with the good food! What is that, chicken katsu? Ugh, I’m so hungry.” 

“Mom!” Mutsuki ran to give his mother a hug, then took the bowls from her and made her sit down. “What are you doing here?”

Machi smiled. “I think you mean, ‘Thanks for dinner, Mom. It’s good to see you, Mom.’”

“Aww, you know it’s always good to see you, Mom.”

“Come on, sit down with me,” Machi said. “Before the food gets cold.” 

“Thanks for the food, Auntie,” Kento said. 

“Yes, thank you, Machi-san,” Sawa agreed. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Sora gasped. “Auntie Machi, are you staying all weekend? My mom has an exhibit open downtown; you should come see it tomorrow!” 

“Sorry Sora, you know I like your mom’s work but I’m leaving tonight. Send me pictures?”

“Aww, okay!”

“Mom, the student council elections were today,” Mutsuki said.

“That’s right, you mentioned they were coming up. How’d everything go?”

Mutsuki grinned and looked at Sawa. “You want to tell her?”

Sawa cleared her throat awkwardly. “I won student body president.”

“Congratulations! I’m so glad to hear that, Mitoma-san,” Machi said. “I think you’ll do well.”

“Thank you,” Sawa said, blushing.

“Don’t forget to call me sometime to talk about university options, okay?”

Sawa nodded.

“Sora and Riku,” Machi continued. “Have you two given any thought to what you’ll do after graduation?”

They talked about university and career plans all throughout dinner. Sawa sometimes felt like the future was all anybody talked about lately. Teachers, friends, even Shiraki-san at the bookstore. Everybody asked Sawa what she wanted to study, what she wanted to _be_. It wasn’t that Sawa didn’t care, she was just too busy dealing with the present. 

Sawa sighed as she started clearing the table. _I do need to give some more thought to my career survey one of these days. Hanajima-sensei keeps sending me home with those university brochures, too, and I haven’t even looked at them yet..._

“You didn’t really come all this way just to have dinner with us, did you, Mom?” Mutsuki asked. 

“Actually,” Machi said. “I was hoping to talk with Mitoma-san.”

“Oh!” Sawa looked up in surprise. “Really?”

“Can we take a walk?” Machi asked her. 

“Sure! Uh, Mutsuki-san, Kento-kun, if you leave the dirty dishes on the counter I can—”

“We got it,” Mutsuki said. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Ah, okay, thank you.”

Sawa grabbed her coat and followed Machi into the backyard. Machi slowed down so

that she was walking alongside Sawa down the path that wound around the vegetable gardens. 

“Your mother called me last week,” Machi said. 

Sawa almost stumbled over her own feet. “She did?”

Machi stopped walking and turned to face Sawa. “She left me a voicemail first, actually. I called her back and we had a conversation. About you.” 

Sawa felt lightheaded. “Oh no, that’s completely my fault. I had your number in my phone, but I didn’t think… I didn’t even use your last name… I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, Mitoma-san, that doesn’t matter. I’m glad that I was the one to talk to her rather than Kinu or Mutsuki.”

“She threatened you, right? That’s what she does.” 

“Well, yes. But like I told her, I’m not worried. The Sohmas have a lot of resources, and we’ll handle whatever she throws at us.”

_Does Akito know about this yet? Is it possible my mother goes after Shiki again? Would she try to bring up the old lawsuit? She might claim that the Sohmas were using me to retaliate or something—_

“Mitoma-san,” Machi said sharply. “Hey, stay with me.”

Sawa looked up blankly. “When exactly did she call you?”

Machi frowned. “Last Friday, around… eight o’clock? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner, but I was debating whether or not I should, honestly...”

 _Last Friday, that’s right after we talked._ Sawa thought back to the conversation she’d had with her mother. _She asked me to come home and I said I wasn’t sure. I said I could support myself. She must’ve felt like she had no other way to get me back, so… so she went after the Sohmas again._

“Mitoma-san?” Machi put a hand on Sawa’s shoulder. 

“Ah, sorry. Did you say something?”

“I said this is not your responsibility. I wanted to keep you informed, since it involves you, but the adults will handle it. I’ll talk to Akito-san and—”

“No, don’t!” 

“...No?”

“Please don’t tell Akito about this. At least not until I’ve talked to my mother. Please.” 

Machi seemed to consider this for a moment. “Are you sure? You don’t have to.” 

Sawa nodded emphatically. “I want to.”

“Okay, that’s your right. Please keep me updated, Mitoma-san. I’ll help in any way I can.” 

“Thank you so much, Machi-san. And thank you for telling me about this. Um, I’m going to stay out here to try calling my mother. I’ll head back inside in a minute.”

“All right.” Machi nodded and left. 

Sawa dialed her mother and waited. For once, she wasn’t nervous. She knew exactly what she had to do.

“Sawa-chan? I’m glad you called, I—”

“That cafe across the street from our apartment,” Sawa said. “When can you meet me there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I don't have any notes for this time. I'm already working on chapter 11, so stay tuned!


	11. Chapter 11

Sawa woke up much too early and couldn’t fall back to sleep, so she crept carefully downstairs and through the dark living room to the kitchen, where she fumbled around and found the lightswitch. She had spent a lot of time in this house, but it still felt strange without anyone else around. She started some rice and brewed herself some tea, then tip-toed back upstairs and down the hall to stand on the deck, grabbing a blanket on the way. 

The sky was definitely not black anymore, more like hazy blue with the barest hint of orange along the horizon. Sawa thought back to the morning of New Year’s and smiled. Winter was definitely on its way now—really, it was too cold to be on the deck without a coat. She stayed there anyway, sipping her tea and shivering and watching that strip of orange along the horizon until it lightened to a pale yellow. Then she returned to the kitchen just in time to hear the rice cooker beep. 

Sawa made four rice omelets. She covered three of them in plastic wrap and put them in the fridge with a note: “Enjoy! I’ll be back in time for lunch.” The fourth one she brought to the living room table, where she sat and ate slowly while staring at her homework. After washing her plate, she checked the time on her phone, checked the weather, grabbed her coat, and headed out the door.

Sawa arrived first and grabbed a table near the door. There was no need for privacy today. In fact, she was counting on the public atmosphere working in her favor. Her mother had always tried to act sweet in front of strangers. She wouldn’t dare raise her voice in a place like this. 

Mitoma Wakumi walked in five minutes late, looking perfectly put together, as usual, wearing that fake smile that Sawa knew so well. Sawa waved to get her attention.

“Sawa-chan!” Her mother said cheerfully. “How are you? Are you doing okay? I hope you have warm enough clothes for this weather.”

“I do,” Sawa said. “Did you want a coffee? It’s on me.”

Sawa’s mother looked surprised for a moment, then laughed. “Oh my, how sweet. My little daughter’s growing up.”

Sawa walked to the counter and ordered two coffees, taking the opportunity to breathe and collect herself.  _ Seeing her affected me more than I was expecting, but I must not lose my composure. _

Sawa set the coffees on the table and sat down.

“I’m glad we could finally meet like this,” Her mother started to say, but Sawa held up a hand to stop her. 

“I need to make a few things clear to you,” Sawa said, trying hard to keep her voice quiet and controlled.  _ Say it just the way I practiced. _

“I am no longer a little kid you can use however you want. I don’t know if you think you can blackmail the Sohmas or charge them with kidnapping or something else, but it won’t work. I’m old enough to testify against you now, and I will. I’ll tell the court everything—how you frequently disappear for days or weeks without any contact, how you once left me without any food or money, how you lied eight years ago by saying a little boy pushed me down the stairs when actually you abandoned me outside for a whole afternoon. And I will tell them that when you finally shouted at me, in front of four witnesses, to leave and not come back, I did.”

Sawa had to pause to breathe.  _ Don’t let her hear your voice shake.  _ “Do you think that’s going to go over well?” she asked. “This time there are no little kids that you can scare into silence. The Sohmas are willing to fight for me, and I will fight for myself. You  _ will not _ win this, and if you even try—if you go after any of the Sohmas ever again—you will ruin any chance you had left of having a relationship with me.”

Sawa took another deep breath and leaned back in her chair. Her mother stayed silent, staring at her with tightly pursed lips.

“With that straightened out…” Sawa continued. “Do you still want me in your life?” 

The following pause was the most nerve-wracking five seconds Sawa had ever experienced.

After shifting through a number of expressions Sawa couldn’t quite identify, her mother reached a hand across the table and said, “Of course I do, Sawa-chan.”

Sawa quickly moved her own hands off the table, holding them in her lap. “Good,” she said, more softly than before. “Okay.”

“So you’re coming home?” Sawa’s mother asked.

Sawa shook her head. “Not yet. I… I need to know things will be different. I need us to take it one step at a time. Can we start by having dinner a couple times a week?”

Her mother was obviously surprised. “Fine. Whatever you want.”

Sawa managed to hold herself together until she stepped out of the cafe. She turned and walked quickly down the street, not looking back. As she walked, she wrapped her scarf around her mouth and nose, hoping it wasn’t obvious to passersby that she had started crying. She turned right and arrived in a wooded park. 

“Mitoma-san, hello,” Shiki called, walking over to meet her but suddenly stopping short. “A-are you okay?”

Sawa buried her face farther into the scarf and nodded. “I’m okay. That was just… the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I… I need to…” She walked to the nearest tree and sank to the ground, leaning back against it. “Haah… Sorry, have you been waiting long? I wasn’t watching the time...” 

Sawa wrapped her arms around herself and tried to stop shaking.

Shiki sat down next to her. He took off his gloves and gently tugged Sawa’s scarf away from her face. “Are you really okay?” He brushed the tears off her cheeks.

“Ah, Sh-Shiki-kun! Yes, I’m okay!” She sniffed and sat up a little straighter. “I’m so sorry to show up like this! I was so focused on getting through that conversation, I guess when it was over I kind of… fell apart.”

“I—Someone should’ve been there with you. You shouldn’t have done that alone.”

“No, I think it was good,” Sawa said. “If I had brought someone with me, she probably would have gotten defensive.”

“...Does that mean she didn’t?”

Sawa laughed shakily. “Amazingly, yes. She agreed to start small. We’re going to have dinner. I think… I might’ve actually gotten through to her. I’ve never said anything like that to her before. Her expression was… Oh! And I made sure she knows that if she causes trouble for your family again, I won’t have anything to do with her anymore.”

Shiki blinked. “Mitoma-san, you didn’t have to…”  
“I know, but the thought of her telling lies about you... agh, it makes me so angry. You guys have been nothing but good to me, so how could I let her do that? No, I needed to tell her…” Sawa suddenly cringed and covered her face with her hands. “Ugh, I can’t believe your family got dragged back into this again. I’m so s—”

“Don’t,” Shiki said quickly. “Don’t apologize again. Even if your mother does cause trouble... no matter what, it’s better than the alternative.”

Sawa looked up at him. “The alternative?”

Shiki suddenly blushed and turned his head to stare intently at a leaf on the ground. “You know… If we… if we hadn’t met again…”

Now Sawa was blushing too. “ _ Oh _ ... _ ” _

Shiki risked a glance back at her. She jumped and coughed awkwardly. 

“Um, anyway, th-thanks for meeting me here, Shiki-kun. I’m glad you could make it. I knew I wouldn’t want to be alone after… Anyway, thanks!”

Shiki nodded. 

“S-so, should we head over to Kinu’s place? I told Sora I would call her when I was done today. I think she wanted to play cards or something.” Sawa said, standing up and brushing off her coat. 

“Are you sure you’re okay walking?” Shiki asked. “I could call Hinata-san to pick us up.”

“That’s all right! I want to walk! The fresh air will be good… yeah…” 

Sawa started walking toward Kinu’s house, swinging her arms while she commented on the weather. Shiki sighed and followed her. 

Three days later, Sawa was standing outside the front door of her mother’s apartment, wondering whether to knock or use her key. 

_ Do I call it my mother’s apartment? Or my old apartment? Then is Kinu’s house… my house? Is that okay to say?  _ Sawa shook her head.  _ That kind of thinking isn’t good. I need to  _ want  _ things to go well with my mother. If we can work things out, and I can move back home, back here… that would be best.  _

Sawa decided to use her key.  _ This feels more normal. Don’t want to start the evening off on an awkward note.  _ It was a good thing, too, as her mother wasn’t back from work yet. Sawa flipped on the lights, set her bag of groceries on the counter, and turned on the stove.  _ It already feels strange to be back here, though. Coming inside without going to my bedroom... I’d like to go in there at some point, though. I wonder if Mom will get mad if I take some of my things with me. _

Sawa cooked dinner and set the table, then wiped down the kitchen counters and started to wash the frying pan. Just as she was starting to worry about the food getting cold, her mother arrived. 

“Ahh, Sawa-chan! It’s so nice to come home to the smell of food. You won’t  _ believe _ the day I had.”

“Hi, Mom,” Sawa said, trying to smile.  _ Stay positive. Give her a chance. _

“So then my coworker sent me this passive-aggressive email about ‘ _ Oh, we didn’t receive your report yet, maybe there was an error with the system?’  _ when he _ knew  _ that I couldn’t do the report because I took the day off on Monday, so obviously it was going to be a few more days. Unbelievable, right?”

“Hmm,” Sawa responded, picking up her now-empty plate and carrying it to the sink. Her mother had complained about work through the whole meal. Sawa was used to it, but she still felt antsy. 

“Uh, Mom,” she said. “Sorry to interrupt, but would you be able to dry the dishes as I wash them?”

Her mother waved a hand. “Oh, just leave them on a towel on the counter. I’ll put them away later. What was I saying? Oh, right, so I—”

“Ah, I just thought—sorry, I thought it might be nice to do them together. You know, try to work together for a change?”

“Seriously?” Her mother raised one eyebrow. “You think  _ doing dishes  _ together is going to help somehow?”

Sawa’s shoulders slumped. “Well… I guess we don’t have to.”

“Isn’t it good enough that we’re talking for now? You’re the one who said to take it step by step.”

“You’re right,” Sawa said, grabbing the dish soap from under the sink. “We have to start somewhere…”

“You seem tired, Sawacchi.”

Sawa, Sora, Riku and Kento were walking home after school—Mutsuki stayed behind to study. It had been almost two weeks since Sawa’s initial meeting with her mother. 

“It’s just that finals this semester are going to be rough,” Sawa said. “And I have a lot more student council work now that I’m president. And…” She sighed. “Spending two evenings every week at my mother’s apartment isn’t helping.”

“Is it not going well with your mom?” Riku asked. 

“It’s, uh, slow progress. Last time, I finally mentioned that it would be nice if she asked me how  _ my  _ day was once in a while, and she kind of… didn’t like that idea. She doesn’t seem to like any of my ideas, actually.”

“Hmm,” Riku said slowly. “Have you thought about counseling? It could kind of... force her to listen to what you have to say.  _ Improve your communication _ or whatever.”

Sawa grimaced. “I don’t know. I’d be willing to try it, but I don’t know if my mother would. Do you really think it would help?”

Riku shrugged. “Might.”

Sora slung an arm around Sawa’s shoulders. “My Sawacchi, working so hard. Aww, I just love you so much!” She nuzzled her head against Sawa’s cheek. 

“Argh, hey!” Sawa laughed, pushing Sora away. “Gross, don’t get your hair in my mouth.”

“It’s fortifying,” Sora said sagely. “I’m helping.”

“What? I can’t deal with your nonsense when I’m carrying this many books.”

“Why are you bringing that many books home anyway?” Kento asked. “You can’t study all those tonight.”

“Actually…” Sawa said. “These are for the weekend. My mother is excusing me from school tomorrow so we can go skiing.”

Riku raised his eyebrows. Sora raised her arms.

“Sora wants to ski! How fun!”

“That could be good,” Riku said. “Are you looking forward to it?”

Sawa clutched her books tighter to her chest. “Yeah… I kind of am.”

Skiing was Sawa’s mother’s answer to Sawa’s repeated requests to wash the dishes together. 

“Let’s do something  _ fun  _ together!” Her mother had squealed. “Ooh, let’s go skiing! It’s perfect. The scenery, the ski lifts, drinking tea in the lodge… What do you think?”

_ That sounds fun, to be honest.  _ “All right,” Sawa had said. “Let’s do it.” 

But when they arrived at the resort mid-morning on Friday, Sawa’s mother pulled her aside. 

“Sawa-chan,” she whispered. “I have a surprise. My boyfriend’s going to join us today! You’re going to  _ love  _ him. Just one thing, though—he doesn’t know that you’ve been living away from me, and I just, I’d rather keep it that way. You understand, right? It’s just a lot to explain, and he doesn’t need to know all the details anyway, right? So let’s just keep that info to ourselves. Oh, and in case it comes up, I only go out of town for work once a month, okay?”

Sawa gaped at her. 

“Okay, let’s go!” Her mother said, dragging Sawa back toward the lodge doors. 

The boyfriend was waiting for them right inside. He waved excitedly when he saw them.

“Wakumi! You made it!” He gasped. “And this must be your daughter. Sawa, right? It’s nice to finally meet you! I’m Takahashi.”

“Nice to meet you, Takahashi-san,” Sawa said politely. 

Takahashi waited in line with Sawa and her mother and paid for their rentals even though he had brought his own gear. Sawa’s mother protested and tried to convince him to let her pay, but Sawa knew it was an act.  _ I was actually surprised that Mom suggested such an expensive outing. Now it makes sense.  _

“Have you ever skied before, Sawa-chan?” Takahashi asked. 

Sawa shook her head. 

“What? Wakumi, I can’t believe you’ve never brought her before! You’re going to love it, Sawa-chan. Follow me; we’ll start at the bunny hill.”

Takahashi wasn’t a bad teacher. He was enthusiastic, and he helped Sawa up every time she fell, which was frequently. They went down the bunny hill two times before Sawa’s mother seemed to get bored. 

She put her hand on Takahashi’s chest. “How about we head to the top of the mountain?”

Takahashi frowned. “But, Sawa-chan—”

“Sawa will want to stay on the bunny hill all day. She’s pretty uncoordinated so she’ll need lots of practice. Right, Sawa-chan?”

“Sure.”

“But you don’t need Takahashi and I to watch you all day, right? You’re a big girl.”

“Right,” Sawa said. “Please, go.”

Takahashi shrugged. “Alright, if you don’t mind. We’ll see you later, Sawa-chan!”

Sawa skied for a while longer. She got the hang of it, sort of. She couldn’t bring herself to attempt any of the larger hills on her own though, so she finally retreated back into the lodge for the rest of the day. She was grateful that she had thrown some study notes in her bag at the last minute. 

Her mother and Takahashi found her in the afternoon, and Takahashi bought them lunch. Sawa sat quietly as he talked about his own kids and Sawa’s mother invented similarities out of thin air, acting like she and Sawa were close.  _ Acting like we’re normal, _ Sawa thought. 

Takahashi was saying something about the struggle of keeping track of his fifteen-year-old son.

“Oh my gosh, Sawa and I went through the same thing when she started high school!” Her mother gushed. “It’s like, I know you have more freedom now but I still need to know where you are! Teenagers, right?”

Takahashi laughed. “Sawa-chan, you seem so nice; you didn’t really give your mom trouble, did you?”

Sawa just smiled weakly and picked at her food.

It was getting late when Takahashi finally said goodbye and Sawa and her mother got in the car to head back to town. For the first fifteen minutes of the drive, Sawa’s mother kept up a cheerful one-sided conversation about the day. But eventually she got tired of rambling. 

“Sawa-chan, you’re quiet. Did you wear yourself out on the bunny hill?”

“I… Honestly?” Sawa sighed. “I thought it was just going to be the two of us today.”

Sawa’s mother laughed. “Takahashi wasn’t that bad, was he?”

“No, that’s not it at all. I just thought this was supposed to be about you and me bonding. Quality time or something.”

“So we didn’t have quality time this morning when we skied together on the bunny hill? Or at lunch? Or right now?”

_ Not really,  _ Sawa thought. Out loud, she said, “I’m not trying to argue. It just surprised me. Do you think you could give me a heads up next time you invite someone else?”

“Oh, hm. All right. I’m sorry I surprised you. Sometimes I forget how sensitive you are.” 

Sawa wasn’t sure what to think. She leaned her head against the window and watched the scenery fly past.

“You…” Sawa said after a few minutes, “You lied to Takahashi-san.”

Sawa saw her mother tense up.

“Ha, Sawa-chan, that kind of lying is no big deal,” she said. “It’s what makes relationships work. You’ll understand someday.” 

Sawa wanted to keep quiet, to let the conversation end here.  _ But... if I’m not going to confront her about this kind of thing, we’re never going to make any progress.  _

“I’m not comfortable with your lying if it involves me,” Sawa said. “I don’t care if you want to lie to your boyfriend, but don’t make me play along.”

“Come on, Sawa-chan. Should I have pulled him aside this morning and given him a thirty-minute crash course on my relationship with you?”

“No, I just… I wish you hadn’t introduced him to me in the first place. It was really uncomfortable.”

“Wow, I’m so sorry that a man who treats me well and is nice to you makes you uncomfortable. How awful for you.”

Sawa groaned. “You’re intentionally misunderstanding me.”

“No, I honestly don’t understand you,” her mother said. 

“Fine, you know what? Let’s drop it for now. Can we just… stick to home dinners for a while?” Sawa pleaded. “Just you and me?”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“And if you want to be able to talk with Takahashi-san about raising kids, you could try actually being interested in my life.”

Sawa’s mother let out a long-suffering sigh. “I know everything about your life already.”

Sawa raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Of course. You go to school, you study, you do your little student council meetings or whatever, and then you go play with those Sohma kids. That’s all there is to it. Teenagers aren’t some big mystery to me, Sawa-chan. I was a teenager once, too.”

Sawa stared out the window again. “Did you know I was elected student body president?” she asked softly.

“What? Really? Sawa-chan, that’s amazing! That means you’ll get scholarships and stuff, right?”

Sawa closed her eyes. _One step at a time. You can’t expect her to become like a normal mom overnight._ _Give it time._

For the next couple weeks, Sawa and her mother carried on as usual, eating together twice a week, trying to make small talk for a few hours each time. Sawa even managed to convince her mother to help her with the dishes. But one night after dinner, Sawa’s mother turned to her with a serious expression. 

“Sawa-chan, I have a favor to ask.”

Sawa turned off the sink. “What is it?”

“Well, you see, Takahashi-san has been bugging me to do a family dinner with all of us together—me and you, and him and his kids. He wants us all to go out for a night on the town—a nice dinner, karaoke, whatever we want. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

Sawa frowned. “I told you I don’t want to have to see him if it means I have to lie. Have you told him yet that we’re not living together?”

Sawa’s mother wrung her hands. “Well, this situation with you and I is just temporary, so it doesn’t really make sense to—”

“Does he know about how you leave town all the time?”

Sawa’s mother scowled at her. “Now, I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

Sawa threw up her hands. “Maybe not, but if I have to go meet those people and pretend like we’re a normal happy family, then it becomes my business! I can’t do that, Mom. How does this not make sense to you?”

“Well! I thought we were supposed to be making compromises for each other, but if you’re not even willing to do this one little thing—”

“That’s not it! Aagh, you always twist my words like this! Why can’t we have a single normal conversation? Why can’t you listen to anything I say?”

“Why do you have to be so uptight about everything?” Her mother shot back. “You make a fuss about every—”

“I can’t do this,” Sawa said, grabbing her bag. “I really can’t do this with you right now.” She slammed the door on her way out.

Sawa got off work the next day and found a missed call from her mother, so she called back as she was walking home. 

“Sawa-chan?”

“Yes, hi,” Sawa said wearily. 

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday,” her mother said sweetly. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

“Oh.” Sawa had expected more yelling. “That’s okay.”

“Let’s compromise. If you come to dinner with Takahashi and his kids, I’ll do something you want. What do you say?”

Sawa rubbed at her forehead. “That’s not—You still aren’t getting it.”

“What am I not getting?” Her mother whined. “Sawa-chan, I’m really trying here.”

“Mom… I want us to get counseling.”

The silence from her mother stretched on until Sawa thought they might have been disconnected. 

“Mom? Did you hear me?”

“Oh, Sawa-chan… that stuff isn’t going to help us. They charge a fortune just to tell you what to think. We don’t need that.”

Sawa steeled her nerves. “Well, that’s my condition.”

“What?”

“A compromise. I’ll go to the dinner if you come to counseling with me.”

“...But the dinner is a one-time thing, and it won’t cost you anything, and—”

“Just one session. At least for now. I’ll trade you one counseling session for one dinner with Takahashi. And I’ll pay for it. Okay?”

“...Fine. I’ll schedule the dinner with Takahashi, then.”

“I’ll—I’ll schedule the counseling appointment.”

Sawa hung up. “Now I have to figure out how to schedule a counseling appointment…” she muttered.

When Sawa got home, she explained the situation to Kinu. 

“So, uh, do you know what I’m supposed to do? Sorry to bother you with this.”

Kinu smiled. “That’s totally fine! Yeah, um, let me talk to my dad. He probably knows a good therapist that you can call.”

“Ah, thank you so much, Kinu-san!”

“Hey Sawa?”

“Yes?”

“I dropped the honorifics with you a while ago, you know. You can just call me Kinu, if you want.”

“Eh? B-but that’s—um, I mean I like that you use my first name, but you’re older than me, so—”

“How about Kinu-nee?”

“O-okay,” Sawa said, blushing furiously.   
Kinu laughed. “Oh, Sawa… You’re getting there.” 

“Huh?” 

But Kinu had already gone into her room and closed the door. 

By the next day, Kinu had gotten the number of a therapist her dad recommended. Sawa called after her student council meeting was over, but the office had already closed for the day. So she called on her lunch break the next day, but in order to schedule an appointment, Sawa needed to provide her and her mother’s insurance numbers, which Sawa didn’t have.

“I think she’s been avoiding my calls since our last fight,” Sawa told Sora and Riku after school. “I’ve left her three messages asking for the insurance numbers but she won’t call back, so I’m going to head over to the apartment right now before work. She shouldn’t be home yet, but hopefully I’ll be able to find the insurance cards.”

Riku sighed. “I know I’m the one who suggested therapy, but is this too much? I mean, have you even had time to do your homework this week?”

“It’s true I’ve been a lot busier than usual,” Sawa admitted. “But it all needs to be done. And it’s a good sign, isn’t it? That she’s willing to try this?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Riku said. “But don’t push yourself too hard.”

“I won’t!” Sawa smiled and hurried off. 

Sawa found the insurance cards without any problem—her mother might be a lot of things, but disorganized wasn’t one of them—and managed to make an appointment for the following Thursday. She felt bad about missing a student council meeting so soon after being elected, but the only reason she and her mother were able to get an appointment that week was because of a cancellation, so Sawa was grateful.

She left school as soon as the final bell rang to make it to the therapist’s office in time.  _ I feel like I’m rushing everywhere these days. Ugh, and my stomach hurts. I’ve been too stressed… At least the office isn’t too far from school. This will be pretty convenient if we start having regular appointments.  _

The office was small but bright and clean. Sawa approached the front desk hesitantly. 

“How can I help you?” The receptionist asked. 

“H-hello. Um, I have an appointment,” Sawa said.

“Your name?”

“Mitoma Sawa.”

“Okay, let’s see, looks like it’s a family appointment. Is… Mitoma Wakumi here as well?”

“What? Oh, uh, she will be soon!”

“Okay, but we can’t check you in until she arrives, all right? You can take a seat here in the lobby to wait for her, and then you two can complete the check in together. In the meantime, if you could fill out these forms…” She handed Sawa a clipboard. “Bring them back to me whenever you’re done.”

“Thank you,” Sawa said, taking a seat and starting on the forms. She could fill in her personal and health information, but some of the questions she would have to ask her mother about. She didn’t know her vaccination history or national identification number.

Sawa set the clipboard next to her after she had filled out everything she could and checked the time on her phone.  _ Still two minutes until the appointment.  _

Two minutes passed. 

Ten minutes passed. 

Sawa held one hand to her still-aching stomach and checked her phone every thirty seconds, but no text or call appeared. 

“I’m sorry, Miss,” the receptionist said after twenty minutes, “We can’t begin any appointments more than fifteen minutes after the start time. I can get you rescheduled for another day, though.” 

“Ah, I’m not sure when my mother is available, though,” Sawa said. “Can I check with her and then call in?”

The receptionist smiled kindly. “Definitely. Have a nice day, then!”

“Thank you.” Sawa returned the clipboard and picked up her heavy bag and stack of textbooks. She felt like crying.  _ What the hell happened? _

Sawa sent several texts to her mother over the next two days, but she didn’t have time to be upset. When she wasn’t catching up on the student council work she missed, she was studying for finals. On Friday evening, she and the Sohmas plus Rio had a study party at Kinu’s. They bought tons of snacks and dragged all the pillows and blankets in the house down to the living room. 

“This is the worst party I’ve ever been to,” Chizuru said after everyone had been silently studying for half an hour. 

“Sora agrees,” Sora whispered, rolling over onto her side. “Good for napping, though. Hey, pass me the chips.”

The silence wasn’t broken again until Sawa’s phone started to buzz fifteen minutes later. 

“Eek! Sorry everyone. I’ll take this outside.” 

Sawa bundled up and slipped out the front door into the dark winter evening. 

“You finally called back.”

“Sawa-chaaan, I’m so sorry I missed our appointment. Oh, but I did talk to Takahashi—does next Thursday work for our dinner? Takahashi’s daughter will be on break from her university by then.”

“...That’s during final exams, so it’s not really good timing for me,” Sawa said.

“Aww, Sawa-chan, please? It’s just one night.”

“Agh… I don’t know. I’ll think about it. But where were you yesterday?”

“Something super important came up at work and I couldn’t get away. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me?”

Sawa sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “It’s… fine. When are you available to try for another appointment? It might have to wait a few weeks; they said they usually book a month in advance.”

“Hmm, the thing is, Sawa-chan, after yesterday, I realized how unpredictable my schedule is. It’s already hard for me to fit in my weekly dinners with you, which are  _ so  _ important to me, by the way, but… adding something else on top of that just isn’t really feasible.”

“...So you’re saying you won’t do it.” 

“Sawa—”

“Mom, that was the deal.”

Sawa heard her mother sigh heavily. “Fine. Reschedule it, then.”

“What days work for you?”

“Anytime is fine; I’ll try to make it work.”

“...Sure,” Sawa said. “Okay.” She hung up and headed back inside.

_ I’ll have to call the office on Monday to reschedule. I better set a reminder on my phone so I don’t forget to call during lunch… Damn it, this stomachache still hasn’t gone away either. I wonder if I’m getting sick. Maybe I’ll follow Sora’s lead and take a nap instead of that history practice test. _

“Everything okay?” Shiki asked quietly as Sawa sat back down. 

“Yep,” Sawa said, laying her head on the table. “I’m just… really tired...”

Sawa felt somewhat refreshed on Saturday morning. The sun was out when she left for work, and she was looking forward to the day. It was only her second time working a full weekend shift. She had packed a lunch and stuffed two textbooks into her bag.

That was the best thing about working at the bookshop—she was allowed to read when she was watching the register, as long as all the cleaning and stocking was already done. She didn’t want to push her luck by bringing practice tests and worksheets to do, but Shiraki had already confirmed that textbooks were okay. 

It was the middle of the afternoon, and the store was completely empty except for Sawa and Shiraki, who was working in the storeroom. Sawa was standing at the front counter, trying to concentrate on a particularly difficult literature passage while ignoring her persistent stomachache, when the bell on the front door jingled and two customers walked in. 

“Oh! H-Hatori-sensei, Shigure-san, good afternoon.” Sawa quickly shut her book and pushed it off to the side. 

“Ahh, slacking off, are we?” Shigure asked, sauntering over to the counter. 

Sawa paled. “No, it’s just, uh, um, when the store is quiet Shiraki-san lets me… read…”

“Shigure, don’t be rude to my mother-in-law’s employees,” Hatori said in a bored tone, browsing through some books near the counter. “How are things, Mitoma-san?”

Sawa stiffened.  _ How much does he know about my situation? Is he asking about that?  _ “F-fine… Uh, thank you for your help in recommending a therapist, Hatori-sensei. I really appreciate it.” 

“It’s no trouble at all,” Hatori said. 

“A therapist?” Shigure said, leaning on the counter. “Physical? Occupational? Is everything all right?”

“Nosy,” Hatori muttered, walking away toward Shiraki’s office.

Sawa winced. “It’s nothing… I just, my mother and I are going to get counseling. I think you know some of—” Sawa winced again and doubled over, clutching her side.

“Mitoma?” Shigure hurried around the counter and helped Sawa to a chair. She cried out in pain, causing Hatori to come running from the back of the store. 

“Mitoma-san?” Hatori said briskly. “Mitoma-san, can you tell me where it hurts?”

Sawa opened her mouth to answer, but she wasn’t sure if Hatori heard her. She wasn’t even sure if she said anything—the pain was overwhelming. 

Hatori put his hand on her forehead, then moved to the side of her chair. “Shigure, get the car. Mitoma-san, can you stand?”

Sawa nodded and gripped the armrests. She managed to successfully push herself to her feet—

And then her world went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry about this one.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and for leaving comments and kudos! Unless something changes, you can expect one more chapter and an epilogue. I'm very excited to wrap this up well!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Waiting for You by The Aces for propelling me through this chapter.

The first thing Sawa noticed was a slow, steady beeping. Then dull pain… everywhere. 

She groaned and opened her eyes. She was in a bright white room.  _ A hospital room _ , she thought dimly. Her forearm itched. She traced the feeling to a piece of medical tape and a thin tube that ran...  _ Oh. An IV. That means there’s a needle… Ugh.  _ Sawa made herself look away. There were two vases of flowers on the windowsill, and someone was curled up on an armchair in the corner, fast asleep with her neck at an awkward angle. 

“S-Sora?” Sawa rasped.  _ My throat is so dry. And there’s something… in my nose?  _ Sawa reached up cautiously and found that another tube was running from her nose to someplace out of sight. She considered twisting her body to see where it ended up, but based on the throbbing pain in her abdomen, it seemed like a bad idea.

Sora, meanwhile, whined, then shifted her position, then finally opened her eyes and noticed Sawa. She gasped. “Sawacchi!” It wasn’t her usual shout, but a forceful whisper. 

Sora got up and moved closer, crouching down right next to Sawa and taking her hand. “How do you feel? Want me to get a nurse?”

Sawa sluggishly took stock of her body. She was parched, and aching all over, and exhausted, like she had just run a mile.

“Can I have some water?” She asked. 

“Uh, probably!” Sora whispered. “Let me go find some and tell everyone that you’re awake. Um… do you mind if some people come see you? Or do you want quiet?”

Sawa wondered who “people” meant. 

“S-sure, they can come in. Ah wait, Sora,” Sawa grabbed Sora’s fingers as the latter was standing up to leave.

“What is it?” Sora asked, crouching back down quickly. “Everything okay?”

“...My hair… and my face?” Sawa stammered.  _ My tongue feels heavy, too, like I can only talk in slow motion.  _ “I mean… do I look… presentable? If I’m going to be seeing… people, I—”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Sora said. “They’ve all seen you already, you just weren’t awake for it.” She leaned in closer and added in a conspiratorial whisper, “Shiki didn’t leave all weekend, except when his parents made him go home to sleep.”

Sawa widened her eyes. “What? But that’s not—”

“Ah, relax, Sawacchi, you look fine. Actually, considering what you’ve been through, you look fantastic. Okay, I’ll be right back.”

Sora patted Sawa’s hand and left Sawa with more questions than answers. 

“What  _ day  _ is it?” She wondered out loud to herself. 

A couple minutes later, the door opened and a group of people poured in—first Hatori, carrying a clipboard, then Mutsuki, Riku, Amane, Mito, and Shiki, all followed by Sora holding a cup of ice chips. They all packed into the room, strangely quiet as if they had stepped into a movie theater. 

“Hi...” Sawa said awkwardly. She made a move to prop herself up, but Mutsuki and Hatori rushed forward to stop her. 

“Wait, Mitoma—” 

“None of that yet,” Hatori said, holding her shoulders down lightly. “Here, let’s adjust the bed.” He pushed a button on some kind of remote that was connected to the bed and adjusted it so Sawa could sit more upright. 

Now that she could see the room better, Sawa felt more alert. “Um, what happened?”

Hatori took a seat next to her. “Your appendix ruptured,” he said. “And it gave you quite a nasty infection. You had emergency surgery, and then you were in the ICU for almost twenty-four hours while they monitored your infection. You were just moved to this room this morning.”

“What? Surgery?” Sawa’s stomach seemed to hurt more just from that knowledge. 

Hatori nodded. “You were in bad shape by the time we got you here. I’m amazed you went to work on Saturday. Weren’t you in pain?”

“I was, but I—I thought it was just stress…”

“Well, Mitoma-san, I’m not saying this to scare you, but we were very lucky to catch the infection in time. The next time you’re feeling sick, don’t try to push through it.”

“I’m sorry,” Sawa said, feeling shaken. “Thank you so much for your help.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Hatori said. “How are you feeling now?”

“Um… Sore. Wait,” A thought occurred to Sawa. “What day is it, then?”

“It’s Monday evening,” Hatori said. “The nurses told me you’ve woken up a few times already, but you might not remember.”

_ Monday, _ Sawa thought.  _ That means…  _ She groaned. “Finals started today!” 

Amane stepped forward. “We already talked to Hanajima-sensei. He says you can make up all your finals once you’re fully recovered. He wanted us to tell you to get well soon.”

“Oh. Okay… thank you.” Sawa looked to Hatori again. “Did they say how long until I can go home?”

Hatori frowned. “Your body is weak from the surgery and the infection. Your surgeon will want to check on you tomorrow morning and order some blood tests, so it really depends on how that goes. You could go home in two days, or it could be… a little longer than that.”

“Right. So… okay.” Sawa tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “Uh, is my mom around?”

Sawa noticed with some confusion that the air in the room changed at that. Her friends all started fidgeting or refused to meet her eyes.

Fear welled up in Sawa’s chest as she looked to Mutsuki. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Hatori spoke up. “Shiraki-san wasn’t able to reach your mother, but I’m told the hospital did manage to get ahold of her yesterday. However...”

The room was dead quiet. 

“...She hasn’t shown up,” Sawa said finally.

“Not yet,” Hatori admitted.

“I see.” Sawa stared at the ceiling determinedly.  _ I am  _ not  _ going to cry in front of all these people. It’s fine. Think about the people who are here. They’ve been waiting for you to wake up. Don’t make them worry more.  _ She was able to get ahold of herself enough to smile weakly and say, “Well, thank you for letting me know. And for all your help.”

Hatori nodded and stood up. “We should let you rest. I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow,” he said, gesturing for the others to follow him out of the room.

“Ah, wait—” Sawa said frantically. “I… I don’t…” 

“A few of us can stay and sit with you,” Mutsuki spoke up. “That’s all right, isn’t it, Uncle Hatori?”

“...Fine, but don’t exert yourself, Mitoma-san,” Hatori said.

Sawa nodded, relaxing again.

Riku, Amane and Mito left, wishing Sawa well and promising to see her soon. Mutsuki occupied the armchair in the corner, Shiki took the chair at Sawa’s bedside, and Sora plopped herself down at the foot of Sawa’s bed.

“Chizuru and Rio and Kento were all here for a while after school,” Sora said. “They said they hope you feel better soon!”

“And Mio-san and Chiaki-kun said they want to stop by and see you once you’re feeling up to it,” Mutsuki added. 

Sawa frowned. “You guys are all in the middle of finals. You should be studying, not sitting around here with me.” Even as she said it, she knew she didn’t want to be left alone in this hospital room. “Of course I’m grateful,” She added quickly. “I… I can’t thank you enough for everything…”

“No getting emotional,” Sora said firmly. “It’s not good for Sawacchi’s insides.”

“Hah, right,” Sawa said. “Ow. Neither is laughing.”

“Should we just turn on the TV or something?” Mutsuki asked. “Or do you want to sleep? I actually brought some study guides, so I’m fine just sitting around here for a while.”

“Um… sure, TV would be good,” Sawa said. 

“Nothing funny...” Mutsuki muttered, picking up the remote and clicking the TV on. He also turned on the lamp that was next to his armchair before flipping the overhead lights off. The relative darkness was a relief to Sawa’s eyes, and she settled into her pillows a little more. 

Sora curled up like a cat across Sawa’s feet. “Is this okay, Sawacchi? I could go ask for another chair…”

“No, that’s okay. You can stay there.” 

Sawa stared at the TV for a while, not really paying attention. Mutsuki had pulled out his notes and started to study, and Sora was messing around on her phone. Sawa realized that Shiki hadn’t said a word since he’d arrived. She turned and saw that he was just staring out the window. He had dark circles under his eyes. 

“You okay, Shiki-kun?” Sawa asked quietly. 

His eyes widened a little and he sat up. “Y-yeah! Sorry. How are you? Do you need anything?”

Sawa shook her head. “I’m good. You seem a bit tired, though. You’re not getting sick, are you?”

“No.” Shiki let out a breathy laugh and rested his head on his hands. Sawa barely heard him say, “I’m just… glad you’re okay.”

Sawa tentatively reached out and grabbed his wrist. He immediately wrapped his fingers around hers, bringing their hands down to rest at Sawa’s side.

“Thanks for being here, Shiki-kun. It means a lot. But I’m doing better now, honestly. You should go home and get some sleep.”

Shiki closed his eyes as if he was considering this. “I’ll… I’ll come back right after school tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay!” Sawa said, putting on a cheerful face. “Good luck on your finals!”

Shiki stood up reluctantly, and Mutsuki and Sora looked up from their occupations. 

“Oh, are you ready to get some sleep, Mitoma-san? Feel free to kick us out whenever,” Mutsuki said.

Sawa saw the concern and weariness etched onto Mutuski and Sora’s faces as well. “Yeah,” she said, “I think I am ready to sleep some more. You guys head home.”

Mutsuki nodded and packed up his things, then dragged Sora off the bed to join him. Shiki looked back on his way out, but Sawa just waved and called, “Have a good night!” after them.

Sawa had a miserable night.

She woke up countless times as nurses wandered in and out, checking her temperature, injecting her with various medications, and, to Sawa’s intense mortification, helping her up to use the restroom. A few times she woke up because there was a commotion out in the hall or in another room. And during the long stretches of time when she was trying to fall back to sleep, all she could think about was the fact that her mother wasn’t there.

_ I ended up being okay, so maybe I’m just overreacting,  _ she thought.  _ But what kind of mother doesn’t show up when their daughter is in intensive care? That’s not normal, is it? She should’ve been here.  _

_ Maybe she has a good excuse. It’s not like I’ve talked to her yet. She might’ve had something really important at work. Maybe she would’ve gotten fired if she had left. Maybe she was travelling on the other side of the country and she’s on her way back. Maybe she’ll be here in the morning… _

Sawa’s thoughts spiralled and doubled back on themselves all night, forming accusations and excuses that Sawa didn’t have the energy to fully examine. More than once she turned the TV back on just to have anything else to think about. By the time morning light started creeping in through the slatted window shades, Sawa was feeling more tired than the day before. At least more distractions arrived in the early morning—an uncomfortable but admittedly much-needed sponge bath, and, a little later, a visit from her surgeon. 

The surgeon, a middle-aged, stern-looking woman, listened to Sawa’s breathing and heartbeat, checked her incision, and ordered some blood tests before looking over her charts. “Hm… I’m concerned that you’re still running a fever. I don’t want to send you home until that’s gone, at least. I’ll come back this afternoon to see how you’re doing. Rest up.”

The check-up was over just like that. The surgeon ordered some new medication to help with the nausea that Sawa’s other medications were causing, then left. Sawa attempted to eat a bowl of porridge at her nurse’s insistence, and then she was strongly encouraged—forced, really—to take a walk up and down the hall.

“Walking tends to speed recovery,” her nurse said. “We should do this again at least twice today, okay?”

Despite feeling weak and beaten down, Sawa endured everything without protest. It was a little gratifying, at least, to hear the nurses praise her efforts.  _ I will get better as soon as possible _ , she thought.  _ I will get out of here and get my makeup exams done and stop making the Sohmas worry over me.  _

By the time Sawa was settled back in her bed, it was only 8am. Kinu stopped by a short time later and sat with Sawa. 

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t be here yesterday when you woke up,” Kinu said. “I sat with you during the day, but I had to finish a paper by midnight, so when Mutsuki and the rest arrived after school I let them take over.”

“That’s totally fine!” Sawa said. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. Thank you for visiting me.”

“You seem to be doing pretty well now, all things considered,” Kinu said. 

“I am!” 

“Unfortunately, I can’t stick around today,” Kinu said, checking the time on her phone. “I have class at ten. Still, text me if you need anything, all right? I could stop by in between classes if anything comes up.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll be fine!” Sawa said. “The nurses are taking good care of me. Thanks, though.”

Kinu sighed and squeezed Sawa’s hand before standing up. “All right. Hang in there, Sawa.” 

Sawa smiled. “See you later, Kinu-nee.”

As soon as Kinu left the room, Sawa covered her eyes and groaned.

“How are we doing, Mitoma-san?” her nurse asked, popping her head into the room.

“Pain meds?” Sawa asked.

The nurse hummed. “I can give you a little more, but after that you’re going to have to wait four hours.”

Sawa nodded and counted her breaths until the nurse came back with the medication. 

It was a long day. Worse than the day her mother forced her to ride roller coasters, worse than those scorching summer days working for the landlady, worse than all the times Sawa had sat around the empty apartment dreading the moment her mother would arrive home.  _ And yet I’m still waiting around for her _ , Sawa thought bitterly. 

She was woken up from a midday nap by a phone call from Machi, who was very kind and promised to see Sawa around New Year’s.

“Even if you can’t make it to the Sohma gathering, I’ll make sure to stop by and visit you, okay?”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” Sawa hadn’t even thought about New Year’s.  _ Christmas is this week,  _ she realized.  _ I won’t be in any shape to go out.  _ She had a fleeting thought about Shiki and some half-formed expectation that they would have made plans for Christmas this year, but she dismissed it before her spirits could sink any lower.  _ Focus on getting better; nothing else.  _

Sawa’s second walk of the day was much worse than the first. Not even considering the pain throughout her body, she felt like she was wading through tar. By the end of the walk up and down the hall, nurse at her side, Sawa was short of breath, holding back tears, and desperate to lay back down. She didn’t even notice who was waiting for her at the end of the hall until they had reached her doorway.

Sawa gasped, which didn’t help her breathing situation at all. “Akito-san? You… What are you doing here?”

“Shiki asked me to come. He was worried you might be… You look pale, Mitoma-san, let’s get you back into bed before we talk.”

Akito took over for the nurse and helped Sawa back into her room. When she was settled in, Akito looked around uncertainly.

“I’m sorry, should I go?” she asked. “I don’t want to disturb you if you were going to sleep—”

“No, please stay!” Sawa insisted. “How are you?”

Akito took a seat. “Fine… How are you feeling?”

“I’m great,” Sawa lied. “That was my second walk today. And I was able to nap for a few hours, which was nice.”

Just then there was a knock at the door, and Sawa’s surgeon stepped inside. 

“Oh! Am I interrupting? Ah, you must be the mother?”

“Er, no,” Akito said. “I’m not.”

“I see. Sorry, but could I speak with Mitoma-san alone for just a few minutes, then? I can come find you in the waiting room when we’re done.”

“Of course,” Akito said, standing quickly.

Sawa almost reached out to stop her, but she wasn’t sure why.  _ Akito-san hardly knows me. Why would I ask her to stay for something like this?  _

The surgeon did the same cursory examination as that morning—heart, breathing, temperature, checking the incision. 

“This infection is being stubborn,” she said, frowning at Sawa’s charts. “Let’s try a different kind of antibiotic. The side effects for this one might be a little more uncomfortable, but you should start feeling better within 48 hours.”

“ _ More  _ uncomfortable?” Sawa asked. “What… what does that mean?”

“Possibly more nausea or stomach pain, some trouble sleeping, maybe headaches. Nothing too serious, though. Talk to one of the nurses if you’re having any other side effects.”

Sawa’s disappointment must have been clear on her face, because the surgeon added, “I know it’s tough, but try to hang in there. You might feel like you’re getting worse because we’re slowly weaning you off the strong painkillers, but your body  _ is  _ recovering. Just give it more time.”

Sawa took a deep breath and nodded. “I understand.”

But as the surgeon smiled and left, Sawa struggled to keep her tears at bay. A minute later Akito knocked gently and stepped back into the room.

“What did the surgeon sa—Mitoma-san? What’s wrong?”

Maybe it was the fact that it was Shiki’s mother here and not her own, or the genuine concern in Akito’s voice, or maybe just weight of all the pain and exhaustion and loneliness from the past day, but Sawa’s composure broke completely. She covered her face with both hands and tried to hold in the sobs that her body wasn’t strong enough to handle.

“Oh, Sawa-chan…” Akito sat down. “Hey… you’re all right…” She reached out and smoothed down Sawa’s hair. “What’s the matter?”

The soft gesture made Sawa cry even harder. “It’s not… I don’t even...  _ want _ her here, but… how can she… not care about me… at all _?” _

“Sawa-chan…” Akito grabbed a tissue box from behind her to set on the bed, then ran her hand over Sawa’s hair again. “Breathe… there you go.”

Sawa took several gasping breaths and blew her nose.

“I heard that your mother hasn’t come to see you,” Akito said. “I’m sorry.” 

“The only family I have…” Sawa whispered hoarsely.

Akito was silent for a while, running her fingers through Sawa’s hair as Sawa’s tears gradually let up. A lot of thoughts were jumbled up in Sawa’s mind now, too many, but they were all half-formed except for one:

“...Can I give up on her now?”

She spoke so quietly, she wasn’t sure Akito heard her. But just as she was about to ask again—

“Of course you can,” Akito said.

Sawa knew she didn’t need permission, but nevertheless she felt relief wash over her. Then everything else hit—grief, regret, fear—and she started crying all over again.

Sawa laughed through her tears. “I-I feel so stupid for thinking she would change.”

Akito spoke carefully. “...It’s not stupid to be hopeful. Sometimes that second or third chance actually makes a difference. But sometimes it doesn’t. ...You’re strong for trying, Sawa-chan, but you’re also strong for letting go.”

Sawa wiped her face with a tissue. “Aagh... Thank you, Akito-san. I’m sorry I’m such a mess—” 

A suddenly realization made Sawa freeze.

“I’m completely shameless,” she moaned, hiding her face again. “Crying to  _ you _ about my mother. I’m sorry. My family’s been nothing but trouble for you, while you and your family keep helping me—”

“ _ Now  _ you’re being stupid,” Akito said, laughing dryly. 

Sawa looked up in surprise.

“Why do you think Mutsuki and Kinu and Shiki keep helping you?”

Sawa stared blankly. 

“You’ve been a part of my family for a long time already,” Akito said. “They chose you. And you’re not causing trouble. Even my petty husband had to admit you’re good for Shiki. He’s been so happy since he met you again.”

Sawa’s eyes grew wide momentarily, but she wasn’t placated. “I didn’t—I’m not—I can never repay everything you and your family have done for me.”

“Hm.” Akito tilted her head to one side. “Then it’s a good thing for you that life isn’t fair.”

“What?”

“...Sometimes in life, we get treated better than we deserve. You can hope to return the kindness, and maybe someday you’ll get the chance, but in the meantime… it’s okay to just be thankful. The people who love you aren’t keeping score anyway.”

Sawa stared at Akito, then turned to look out the window as she considered this. “I… I don’t… Family? Really?”

Akito held up her hands. “You don’t have to take my word for it; I’m not an expert on family by any means. But that’s what it looks like to me.”

“Family...” Sawa repeated.

“That’s right. So, try to trust them.”

“...Okay.”

Akito tucked away some stray strands of Sawa’s hair before handing her a half-melted cup of ice chips. “Have you been alone all day?”

“Ah—” Sawa tensed up.  _ How did she jump to that conclusion? She’s right, but…  _ “Kinu visited me this morning.”

“I see,” Akito said, pulling out her phone. “I suppose that was bound to happen with only the kids looking after you, and all of them in the middle of final exams. How about I arrange for you to have a few more visitors during the day?”

“Wh-what—um—”

“Just people you’re comfortable with. Let’s see, you’ve met Rio’s mother, right? I can tell by your face you have. She’s not as scary as she first comes across, I promise. Oh, I bet Hinata would love to stop by, actually. Her schedule is usually open on Wednesdays, I think… It’s too bad Machi is working all week, but maybe...”

Sawa looked on as Akito sent texts and emails to arrange visitors for Sawa. 

“From a practical standpoint,” Akito said, “you should have an adult with you in case you have to make any decisions about your treatment or complications arise. There’s also the possibility that your mother will show up and try to start trouble with us or with the hospital, and you’re in no condition to deal with that…” Akito turned from her phone to look Sawa in the eye. “Call me if that happens.”

Sawa nodded.  _ Akito-san has always been so quiet around me, but now it’s like she’s in work mode. I guess she does run the whole clan, after all.  _

“Oh,” Akito said, “Is your cell phone going to be a problem? The contract is probably under your mother’s name, right? I could add you to our family plan, I suppose…”

Akito left in the middle of the afternoon.

“I’ll let you have some quiet before teenagers start flooding in,” she said. “Is there anything else you need?”

“No.” Sawa smiled genuinely for the first time since she woke up yesterday. “I’m tired, but… I’m really thankful you came here today.”

Akito smiled back. “Rest up, Sawa-chan.” 

Sawa wasn’t alone for long; Shiki and Chizuru arrived earlier than expected.

“We both finished our exams early,” Shiki explained. 

“Oh! How did they go today?” Sawa asked.

“Fine,” Shiki said. “Did… anyone come visit you today?”

Sawa smiled. “Akito-san did. I heard that you asked her to come, Shiki-kun. Thank you.” 

Chizuru ran a hand down his face. “On second thought, I’m going to run to the convenience store. I’ll be back… later.”

Shiki glanced back at him. “What? Oh, okay.”

Chizuru spun on his heel and left Sawa and Shiki alone. Suddenly Akito’s words from earlier replayed in Sawa’s head— _ He’s been so happy since he met you again…  _

“So my mother visited?” Shiki asked, sitting down. “I hope that was okay.”

“Shiki-kun…” Sawa put her hands up to hide the fierce blush that filled her cheeks. “Uh, I’ve also been… really happy... since we became friends…”

Out of the corner of her eye, Sawa saw Shiki reel back in surprise.

“Where did that come from?” He asked.

“Eh?” Sawa blushed harder. “Ahh, I’m sorry, that was out of the blue and so weird—” 

“No!” Shiki interrupted. “No, um… me too... But I think you knew that. Actually...” He took a slow breath. When he looked at her, Sawa felt like her eyes were glued to his. Her heart started pounding so loud she was sure he could hear it. 

“There’s... something  I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while…” he said slowly. “Mitoma-san, I—”

“SAWACCHI!” Sora burst into the room. 

Sawa shrieked and pulled her blanket over her head.

“Oh, hi Shiki. ...Sawacchi?”

“...Hi Sora,” Sawa said from under the blanket.  _ If Sora sees how red my face is she’ll never stop making fun of me. I have to calm down… Calm down... _

Sawa heard the sound of Shiki standing up. 

“Um, you can have this chair, Sora-san. Chizuru wandered off somewhere so I better go find him.”

When the sound of Shiki’s steps died away, Sora pried the blanket out of Sawa’s hands. Sawa looked up at her pitifully.

“Eee! I knew it!” Sora squealed. “I interrupted something, didn’t I? I did! What happened? Tell Sora everything!”

“Nothing happened,” Sawa protested softly. “I was just... thanking him for asking Akito-san to visit me.”

“Oh, hm. Something  _ should’ve  _ happened. What are you guys waiting for?”

“What? Come on, Sora, it’s not... like that…”

Sora raised an eyebrow. “Really? Look me in the eye and say that.”

Sawa considered for a moment, then pulled the blanket back over her head. “...I could, but I don’t want to.”

“Ha! You’re so cute, Sawacchi. You can’t hide anything from Sora, though. You’re in loooove.”

_ In love…  _ Sawa groaned as her heart skipped a beat. “Can we drop this?”

Sawa could hear the smile in Sora’s voice. “Sure, for now. But you can’t ignore your feelings forever.”

_ I know that,  _ Sawa thought.

Thankfully, Sora did stop teasing her after that. And Mutsuki, Chiaki, and Mio showed up shortly after, so by the time Shiki and Chizuru returned, Sora was distracted by too many other things to remember to tease Shiki.

Sawa didn’t have any time alone with Shiki after those few minutes, though. She barely had time alone at all the next several days. Hinata stopped by for a little while every day. She brought her laptop and watched movies with Sawa, as well as helping her with walks around the ward. One evening she returned with Mina, and the three of them ate dinner together. Chizuru’s mother and Rio’s mother also visited together, chatting for hours and leaving Sawa with more snacks and manga than she could possibly get through. 

After hearing that Sawa wasn’t sleeping well, Kinu took advantage of her own strange sleep schedule to sit with Sawa through most of the night, only leaving when the sun came up. And of course all the Sohma kids, as well as Amane and Mito, continued to stop by after school each day. On Christmas, Sawa’s class presented her with a huge “Get Well Soon” card and a promise to eat cake together at lunch as soon as she was back in school. All in all, Sawa found herself almost wishing for more peace and quiet—almost, but not quite. As terrible as her body still felt, she was happy. And finally, the day after Christmas, she was allowed to leave the hospital.

* * *

“Please, I’ve been cooped up in this house for so long! I’m feeling way better, honestly; I can handle it!”

Kinu put her hands on her hips. It wasn’t often that she looked like a figure of authority, but now the thought crossed Sawa’s mind that she’d make a good teacher. 

“It’s going to be cold,” Kinu said. “I won’t be responsible for you getting sick and ruining all the progress you’ve made.” 

“Hatori-sensei saw me yesterday and said I’m totally over the infection! I just have to be careful with my stitches, and it’s not like I’ll have to run or dance or anything… will I?”

Kinu laughed. “No, the Sohma New Year’s Gathering may be elaborate, but there’s no running or dancing required.”

Sawa smiled expectantly. “So?”

Kinu sighed. “I’ll call my dad. If he says it’s okay, then you can go.” 

Sawa clapped her hands together. “Thank you, Kinu-nee! I’ll be so careful, I promise!”

Kinu pointed at Sawa as she dialed her phone. “It’s not decided yet. I’ll be right back.” 

Sawa stood up cautiously.  _ So far so good.  _ She truly had been feeling a lot better the past couple days. She was walking more and more each day, except today, when she stayed in bed and took an extra long nap to prepare for the big night. 

She pulled open her closet and was still staring at her clothes when Kinu stepped back into the room.

“Um, the gathering is outside, isn’t it?” Sawa asked. “So I should dress as warm as possible? That is, if I can go...” 

Kinu rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hold back a grin. “ _ Yes _ , Dad says you can go. But he’s going to pick us up and then drive you home early tonight. You’re not allowed to stay out all night, no matter what everyone else is doing.”

Sawa nodded enthusiastically. “Fine! That’s fine!”

As soon as Hatori’s car drove through the gates of the Sohma estate, Sawa could see signs of the huge event going on. The main street was blocked off from cars, and huge torches lined either side, receding off into the distance. Hatori stopped the car right inside the gate and handed the keys off to a valet.

“Sorry, Mitoma-san,” he said, “We can’t drive any closer than this tonight.”

“I’m happy to walk,” Sawa said.

The air was brisk but calm as Hatori, Sawa, Kinu, Mutsuki, and Kento started down the main street. A few other small groups were walking in the same direction. After a while, Sawa began to catch muffled sounds of a crowd—laughter and glasses clinking. Then she saw it.

Almost like a festival, the road in front of the Sohma meeting house was surrounded with even more torches as well as spindly, glowing-red space heaters. Instead of booths, there were tables and chairs, as well as a dozen cast iron fire pits surrounded by benches. Hundreds of people milled around, chatting with each other, picking food off of buffet tables and wrapping themselves in blankets to sit comfortably near the fires.

“A-all these people are Sohmas?” Sawa asked in amazement.

“Mm, pretty much, yeah,” Kento said. “We don’t know most of them, though, There’s like, a bunch of different branches of the clan.”

They walked past a table where a maid was handing out amazake and Mutsuki grabbed a cup for himself and one for Sawa. The hot drink warmed Sawa’s fingers through her mittens.

“Why outside? Isn’t that building a meeting house or something?” Sawa asked, indicating the large building that marked the center of the estate.

“The New Year’s gathering used to be held inside the meeting house,” Kinu explained, “But the way the house is laid out, each branch of the family was segregated in its own room. There weren’t really any common areas, and leaving your designated area was strictly controlled by the staff. As far as I know, the family head tried for years to relax restrictions. After all, what’s the point of everyone getting together if you can only see members of your close family? Finally a few years ago we switched to this. Now everyone can mingle.” Kinu gestured to the fires and food tables. “It’s cozy, right?”

Sawa nodded, scanning the crowd. “It’s incredible.”

“Oh, I think I see Hibika. I’m going to go say hi,” Kinu said, waving as she walked off. 

“Mutsuki-kun! Kento-kun! Is that you?” came a cheerful voice from behind them. 

“Oh! Ritsu-san! And Kagura-san! Long time no see,” Mutsuki said with a charming smile. 

Kagura wrapped Mutsuki in a tight hug, then Kento. “Ohh, my boys. How are you? And who’s this?” she asked, eyeing Sawa intently. “A girlfriend? Goodness, how old are you all now?”

Sawa laughed awkwardly and put her hands up. “No no, just a friend, not a girlfriend.”

“Not either of ours, anyway,” Mutsuki said under his breath. Then, to Kagura, “Are Ichiro and Yui here too, Auntie?”

“Ah, they’re asleep already,” Kagura said. “Mitsuru’s watching them. Ritchan and I just thought we’d stop by to see Kisa-chan since she—Ah! Kisa-chan! Hi!”

A man and woman appeared. The man was carrying a toddler with the biggest eyes Sawa had ever seen, and the woman— 

Kagura gasped and took both of the woman’s hands. “Oh, Kisa-chan, you’re glowing! Ugh, when I was at twenty-five weeks, I was a mess. No fair. How are you feeling these days?”

“Oh dear, you’re too nice, Kagura-nee!” Kisa said. “I’ve actually been feeling a lot better than I was at this point with Ta-chan.”

The two women launched into a conversation about swollen ankles and sleep patterns. 

“Yo, Ta-chan!” Kento said. “High-five, little man!” 

The child held up his hand tentatively, letting Kento tap it, then tucked his head into his father’s neck.

The man laughed. “He’s going through a shy phase.”

“He’s adorable,” Sawa said, transfixed.

“Oh, Uncle Hiro, this is our friend Mitoma-san,” Kento said. “Mitoma-san, this is Hiro, Kisa, Kagura, and Ritsu.”

“Ah, nice to meet you!” Sawa scanned everyone’s faces quickly. “Um, you’re… siblings of Mutsuki’s or Kento’s parents, then?”

Mutsuki laughed. “Not exactly.”

Sawa put a hand to her forehead. “I never get it right...”

“It would take years to explain, Mitoma-san,” Kento said.

Just then Ayame and Mine appeared and started gushing over Kisa, and Sawa scanned the crowd again for any sign of…

There. Sawa spotted Shiki standing off to one side of the main road, far outside the firelight and the crowd.

_ Why is he just standing there?  _ Sawa slipped away from Mutsuki and Kento to go meet him.

“Hi, Shiki-kun!” She called. “Aren’t you going to join everyone?”

“Oh, Mitoma-san. I was just about to...”

_ Ah, I see _ . “You don’t have to go, you know. If you don’t want to.”

“No, I do, I just…” He sighed. “How are you feeling? I’m sorry I couldn’t visit you today; I was helping with preparations.”

“I’m feeling good,” Sawa said honestly. Shiki just looked at her for a moment. 

“Want to take a walk with me?” He asked suddenly.

“Uh, sure!”

To Sawa’s surprise, Shiki quickly grabbed her mittened hand and led her away from the brightly lit road. They started down the walking path that led to the river. Even when they reached the water, they walked in silence for a while.

“Can you believe it’s been almost a year since I came here for dinner and we walked along this path?” Sawa asked.

Shiki hummed in agreement.

“And now here we are again,” Sawa continued. “Everything looks the same... even though so much has changed.”

Shiki hummed again. 

_ I’m rambling. He obviously has something else on his mind,  _ Sawa thought.  _ It’s understandable that he’s nervous about attending the family gathering. I’ll just wait until he’s ready to talk about it. _

“Maybe we can make it a tradition,” Shiki said lightly.

“What?”

Shiki dropped her hand and turned to face her. “We could walk along the river every New Year’s Eve.”

Sawa forgot how to breathe for a second. A blush crept up her face.  _ That sounds like… But I’m sure he doesn’t mean… He’s just…  _

“I like you, Mitoma-san.”

Sawa’s knees gave out.

Shiki caught her by the elbows. “Woah! Careful. Are you okay?”

Sawa tried to regain her footing. “Um, y-yeah. You—you surprised me.”

“...Really?”

“Ah, it’s just, I thought… you seemed so distracted, and earlier you were just standing on the main road watching the gathering, so I assumed you were worried about that, and—”

“Oh.  _ Oh.  _ No, I was… I was trying to figure out how to ask you to walk here with me. I’ve… been trying to find time to talk to you alone for a while, actually…”

“Ah, at the hospital!” Sawa said. “You  _ were  _ trying to—uh, I mean, I d-did think, back then—but I wasn’t sure or anything, of course, a-and then you didn’t… So I… Ugh, I’m not making any sense, I’m sor—”

She stopped talking abruptly because Shiki took her hand again. He looked right into her eyes, and just like that moment in the hospital room, Sawa felt that nothing in the world could entice her to look away.

“I really like you,” he said. “I think you’re amazing. I just... needed to tell you that. You don’t have to—”

“I… I like you too!” Sawa said, squeezing her eyes shut. 

“...”

Sawa cautiously opened her eyes again, only to find Shiki silently laughing at her.

“Wha—It’s not funny!” she said. “I’m serious!”

“Why did you close your eyes?” Shiki asked, still laughing. 

“I—I don’t—It’s just embarrassing!” She waved her hands around aimlessly.

“Even though I said it first?” he asked, leaning toward her. “Twice?”

“St-still!”  _ I can’t say anything right when he’s so close... _

“Hey, Mitoma-san?”

She glanced up.

_ So close! _

“I like you a lot,” Shiki said again.

“I…” Sawa forced herself to look into his eyes this time. “I like you... too...” she stammered.

He laughed more.

“I don’t know if I like this side of you,” Sawa grumbled.

Shiki smiled as he rested his arms on the railing and looked down at the water. “At the moment, I somehow can’t bring myself to care… Ahh, the wind is cold out here. Are you okay? We should go up to the gathering and get you a blanket.”

“You’re honestly okay with going to the gathering?”

Shiki gazed out across the river. “You’re here with me. And my parents, my cousins… everyone I love is here. That’s the most important thing, right?”

Sawa smiled. “Right.”

They headed back up the path. When the crowd came into view, Shiki reached over and took Sawa’s hand again.

“Is this okay?” he asked quietly. 

“S-sure,” Sawa said, squeezing his hand. “But… prepare for lots of screaming when Sora sees us.”

* * *

_ Mother, _

_ I took my health insurance card and birth certificate, but I didn’t touch anything else. You should sell the things in my room.  _

_ Until I turn twenty, you might occasionally receive documents in the mail from me. It’s unfortunate, but you are still legally my guardian. If you sign them and send them back quickly, there will be no need to get lawyers involved. _

_ I will not ask you for money or any kind of support ever again, and I expect you to do the same. You don’ t need to feel any responsibility for my life anymore. I hope I never see you again.  _

_ Sawa _

Sawa set her apartment key and cell phone on top of the letter on her mother’s kitchen table. She exhaled slowly and looked around the apartment one last time, half expecting to feel some kind of melancholy. She felt only relief.

“Are you sure you took everything you need?” Shiki asked.

“Yep,” Sawa said. “Let’s go.”

She locked the door from the inside as they stepped into the hallway, where Mutsuki and Kinu were waiting.

“All set?” Mutsuki asked.

Sawa nodded.

“Great,” Kinu said. “Let’s order takeout tonight. What are we feeling like? Fried chicken? Takoyaki? Pizza?”

“Let’s get Korean barbecue,” Mutsuki suggested.

“Seriously?” Kinu asked.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“We had Korean barbecue yesterday!” Kinu said.

“So? Don’t you like it?”

Sawa laughed and let their bickering wash over her as they all started towards home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! We have one more chapter—the epilogue—coming soon. It’ll be shorter than most of these chapters, so you can expect it within a week.
> 
> Please leave kudos or comments if you want; I appreciate them more than I can say! Most of all, I’m so grateful to all of you for reading. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.


	13. Chapter 13

“Sawa… Sawa!”

“Hmm?”

A shadow fell across Sawa. She opened her eyes and blinked up at the figure silhouetted against the bright summer sun.

“You’ll get sunburned if you fall asleep here.”

“Oh, hi Shiki,” Sawa said, yawning. “Did I fall asleep? Where’d everyone else go?”

“It’s almost time for dinner, so everyone else is back at the house already.” Shiki helped Sawa to her feet and they started up the beach. “Did you stay up late studying again last night?”

Sawa laughed evasively. “Maybe… Hey, don’t look at me like that! I know I said I’d take a break, but then I got here and it hit me that there’s less than six months until the center test and I’m not going to have as much time to study as most third-years because I still have student council duties, and I suddenly felt like I would forget everything I’ve learned so far if I took a whole week off, and—”

“Sawa—Sawa! It’s fine. But shouldn’t you at least study during the day, then? If you end up  _ more  _ sleep deprived after a week of vacation...”

“But I want to spend time with everyone during the day,” Sawa protested. “When’s the next time we’ll all be together like this? Even Hajime-san and Mutsuki-san made it. And all these people we hardly ever get to see, like Tohru-kun and Machi-san. And, of course, Kaori-chan! Babies grow fast—the next time we see her might be New Year’s and by then she’ll be completely different!” 

Shiki laughed. “Okay, I get it. But if you stay up so late that you’re falling asleep during the day instead, what’s the point?”

Sawa considered this. “I still maintain that it’s better to study at night. At least if I fall asleep on the beach, I’m still in the vicinity of everyone else! You know? They’re nearby. I don’t have to feel like I’m missing out.”

Shiki wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Sawa shoved him. 

“Sawa-chan, I’m taking the baby for a walk to give Kisa a little break,” Tohru said after lunch the next day. “Would you like to come with me?”

“Really? I’d love to!”

Sawa ran up to her room to grab a sunhat and walking shoes before meeting Tohru in front of the house.

When Sawa arrived, Tohru was kneeling in front of Kaori’s stroller, fiddling with the straps as Kaori cooed happily.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Sawa asked.

“No, thank you!” Tohru stood up. “We are all set. There’s a walking path just a bit south from here. Shall we go?”

Tohru pushed the stroller up the driveway as Sawa walked alongside her. The afternoon was hot and humid, but a cool breeze swept up from the beach.

As they started down the street, Sawa felt a little self-conscious. She had never been alone with Tohru before, although they had seen each other at several gatherings, including Mutsuki’s graduation just a few months earlier.

Sawa started to ask, “Um, how is school going for Emi-ch—” at the same time as Tohru said, “Are you enjoying vacation so far?”

“Oh!” Sawa said. “I am, definitely.”

Tohru beamed. “Emi’s doing well. She just started middle school this year and she loves it.”

“Oh, good!” Sawa said. “That’s good…”

“You’re a third-year, right?” Tohru asked. “Have you decided what your plans are for next year?”

“Uh, yes. Well, I’m planning to go to university, but… I still have a lot to figure out.”

“Of course. I was so lost when Hajime was applying for university—there’s a lot to do! Have you visited anywhere yet? Do you have a school in mind?”

“Actually, um, Kinu showed me around her campus, and I also went with Machi-san and Yuki-san to visit Mutsuki just a few weeks ago. We even toured a couple other universities in Kyoto. I’m not sure about any specific school yet, though. I’ll have to see how I do on the entrance exam and look into tuition. Machi-san is going to help me look for scholarships.”

“That’s wonderful!” Tohru said. “If you want, we could take a little girls’ trip out to visit Hajime at school as well! We can easily make it there and back in a day if we take the express train. Emi and I have done it before! I don’t know if his school has the program you’re interested in, but—Oh! We’d have to go before January, though, since Hajime will be—”

Just then Kaori started wailing, making Sawa flinch. 

“Ah! Wha—she—” Sawa strode around to the front of the stroller, but nothing appeared to be wrong. Kaori was just screaming at the top of her lungs, fists scrunched tightly, eyes closed. “What—Kaori-chan, please! Um, p-please stop crying!” 

Tohru crouched down next to Sawa, unbuckled Kaori and lifted her out of the stroller. She started singing softly to Kaori while patting her on the back.

“Kaori-chan... everything’s okay,” she crooned. “Did Kaori-chan get lonely? Did you want to see the trees? Should we look closer at the trees?” Tohru walked close to one of the trees lining the path and let Kaori reach out and touch its trunk. Kaori immediately stopped wailing and smiled.

Sawa watched in awe. “How did you know how to do that?” she asked. 

Tohru turned back to Sawa, shifting Kaori in her arms. “Oh, I didn’t really. I just tried something.”

“But you… huh.”

Tohru smiled. “Could you push the stroller while we walk? I’ll keep carrying Kaori-chan for now.” 

“Oh, sure.” They started down the path again. 

They walked in silence for a while, Tohru occasionally talking softly to Kaori or stopping to show her flowers and leaves.

After a while, Sawa asked, “Tohru-kun, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, go ahead.”

“Do you think there are people who… who aren’t cut out for family? Like, they’re just not made that way?”

Tohru looked up thoughtfully. “Hmm. I think... a lot of things can get in the way,” she said. “Mistakes, bad experiences, anxieties… But if you can clear those away, if you can grow past them… family doesn’t have to mean marriage and kids, but I think ultimately, everyone wants to love and be loved. We just can’t get away from that desire. So I guess my answer to your question is no.”

“But… what if you can’t get over the things that hold you back?”

“Can I ask, Sawa-chan—Are you worried about yourself?”

Sawa looked away. “Seeing you with Kaori just now, and even sometimes just being around the Sohmas makes me realize… I have no idea how to be part of a family. I have no experience. I wonder, what if I can’t do it? What if I drag everyone down because I never learned the right way to... to take care of the people I love?”

“Ahh, I understand,” Tohru said. “...You know, when Hajime was born, at first I was terrified every time he cried. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to figure out what he wanted, or I would do the wrong thing. I totally didn’t know what I was doing. But eventually... I realized that babies want the same things we all want—to be well-fed and clean and comfortable, to be held, to hear a kind voice… to feel safe. It’s not too complicated. Oh, and sometimes they just want to cry,” she laughed. “There’s nothing to be done about that.”

“So… you’re saying I’ll figure it out?”

“Exactly. You’ll figure it out. All relationships are new at some point. The important thing is that you want to make it work.”

“Hm, okay.” Sawa nodded. “Thanks, Tohru-kun.”

Tohru stopped and turned so Kaori was face-to-face with Sawa. Sawa smiled and waved, making Kaori giggle.

“You’re a good girl, Sawa-chan,” Tohru said. “The people you love are lucky to have you.”

Meals at the beach house were quite an affair. Because this vacation had been planned far ahead of time as a chance for everyone to meet Hiro and Kisa’s new baby, Akito had made sure to arrange staff to cook for everyone. The beach house boasted a huge dining room table, but even so, not everyone could fit. The kids—including Hajime, Kinu, and Hibika, who were technically adults—were relegated to the back porch. Sawa usually sat between Shiki and Mina, but today Emi had somehow beaten Shiki to his position.

“Sawa-nee, will you be on my team for beach volleyball?” Emi asked excitedly.

Sawa blushed at the title, which Emi had started using just that morning. “I’ve never played before… Are you sure you don’t want to ask Mii-chan or one of your brothers?”

“Mina and I are team captains, so she can’t be on my team. And I want to beat my brothers, so they can’t be on my team either. Pleeease?”

Sawa couldn’t say no. “I’ll… I’ll give it a try. I don’t think I’ll be able to help you beat your brothers, though.”

Riku sat down across from them. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll make sure we win.”

“Yeah, right,” Hajime said. “When was the last time you beat me in anything?” 

Riku smirked. “I started dating before you. How’s the love life these days?” 

Hajime grumbled something unintelligible while Mutsuki laughed.

“Maybe he’ll pick up a nice German next year,” Mutsuki said.

“...Wait, what?” Sawa asked.

“Oh, you didn’t hear, Mitoma-san? Hajime’s studying abroad for a year in Germany.”

Sawa’s jaw dropped. “No way! When are you leaving?”

“January,” Hajime said. “Right after New Year’s.”

Mina leaned forward. “Sprichst du schon deutsch?”

“Nicht sehr gut,” Hajime said. “Ich lerne.”

“Ahh!” Mina clapped excitedly. “Wunderbar!”

“Germany is so far,” Sawa said. “What made you want to go there?”

“It’s a good opportunity,” Hajime said, shrugging. “It looks good on job applications, and it’ll give me a broader perspective on the world.” 

“I see… Will you be able to come back at all during that time? For summer break or anything?”

Hajime shook his head. “I’m not planning on it. I only get to be there for a little less than a year, so I have to make the most of it.”

“That’s such a long time to be away from home,” Sawa said. 

“Although,” Mutsuki said, “I actually already talked to Uncle Momiji about possibly visiting you next summer and staying at his house there.”

Hajime rapped Mutsuki on the head. “Why would you waste your money on that?”

“Fine, I won’t visit you, then!” Mutsuki said, laughing. “I’ll just go there to drink German beer and see that one castle and then I’ll leave! You won’t even know I’m there.”

Sawa ran into Hajime outside after lunch.

“Hey,” he said. “We haven’t really had a chance to talk yet. I’ve been meaning to ask you, how is… everything?”

Sawa fiddled with her sunhat. “With my mother, you mean?”

“Yeah. I heard about you returning your phone and everything, but how’s it been since then?”

“It’s been… totally fine. Ideal, I guess. I haven’t heard from her; she hasn’t contacted Machi-san or Akito-san… she even signed my start-of-the-year paperwork and mailed it back with no problems.”

“Wow,” Hajime said, leaning back against a tree. “That’s great.”

Sawa shrugged. “She must have realized it’s better to stay away than to deal with a whole social services investigation or a custody suit. I just hope it lasts.”

“I’m really glad you got things worked out, Mitoma.”

“Thanks,” Sawa said, smiling. “Me too.”

“Oh, um,” Hajime gestured toward the beach. “My dad and Uncle Hiro are setting up the volleyball net. I’m supposed to gather everyone up, so…”

“Got it. I’ll, uh, get my shoes, I guess.”

“Oh, no. Beach volleyball is played barefoot.”

Sawa stared at Hajime, trying to decide if he was joking.

“...Okay, then I’ll… head down to the beach, I guess?”

“Sounds good! See you there!”

The teams were more evenly matched than Sawa had expected. Not because of her own talent, which, unsurprisingly, proved nonexistent, but because Emi and Riku were so good. On Mina’s team were Hajime, Kento, Sora, and Hibika, and on Emi’s team were Sawa, Riku, Rio, and Chizuru. Shiki, Mutsuki, and Kinu all opted to sit out and referee when necessary.

It turned out Emi possessed seemingly unlimited energy, although it was a double-edged sword, as she also tended to gloat excessively every time she scored a point on her brothers. Each team had good blockers—Rio and Riku, who were about the same height now, and Kento and Hajime, who worked hard to make up for their slight height disadvantage. Sawa tried receiving and setting when she could, but mostly she tried to avoid colliding with her teammates. On the other team, neither Hibika nor Sora seemed to mind colliding with teammates, so their team found themselves wiped out on the sand frequently.

In the end, Sawa’s team actually won. 

“Agh, finally it’s over,” Hibika cried, collapsing on the ground. “Never again...”

“Next time I want to be on Emi’s team,” Mina said.

“Girls versus boys!” Emi cried. “We’ll crush them!”

“How are you going to block anything?” Kento asked. “You’re all too short.”

“We’ll be fine! Kinu-nee can play!”

Kinu laughed sarcastically. “Uhh, we’ll see about that. What will you give me if I play?”

Emi considered for a moment. “I’ll bring you snacks for the rest of the week, anytime you want.”

“That’s… not bad, actually. All right, fine.” Kinu started stretching her arms. “We doing this now or what?”

Sawa was still catching her breath. “How about… we take… a little break first?”

Mutsuki threw his water bottle back onto his beach towel. “I agree, let’s play again in an hour or so.”

And so everyone ended up trudging back to the beach house in search of snacks and cool fans.

“Ahh, Sora’s going to nap,” Sora announced, flopping down on the couch.

“Now might be a good time to study,” Shiki said to Sawa. “Kaori is napping, and I guarantee everyone here is just going to be lazing around for a while… unless you’re tired, too?”

Sawa shook her head. “No, that’s a good idea. I just need a quiet place…” She glanced around the full living room.

“The porch is a pretty good place to get away, in my experience,” Kinu said, approaching them. “I was actually just about to go out there to read, if you want to join me?”

“Oh, sure! Let me get my books.”

Sawa spread her study guides out on the porch table, using little rocks from the garden as makeshift paperweights to keep her notes from blowing away in the breeze. Kinu settled into a chaise lounge and opened her book.

The warmth and steady pulse of the ocean did threaten to make Sawa fall asleep again, but she sat up straight and trusted that her bottle of iced tea would at least get her through a half-hour of studying. She was just beginning her practice test, however, when voices floated up from the driveway below. Sawa turned in her chair to look.

A man and woman and two elementary school-aged girls were just getting out of a car, and Akito, Tohru, and Saki were greeting them. The girls seemed shy, holding onto their mothers’ hands and half-hiding behind her. The small group exchanged greetings, then the woman and girls walked towards the house with Tohru and Saki, but Akito and the man headed the other way, toward the garden.

“Kinu-nee, who is that?” Sawa asked, watching Akito and the man walking slowly.

“Hm?” Kinu looked up from her book. “Who?”

Sawa nodded toward the garden, and Kinu stood up to get a look. “Oh, Kureno-san is here. And walking with Akito-san. That’s... a bit unusual.”

“Is he a Sohma?”

“Yes, but, um… Kureno-san lives kind of far away, so we don’t see him that often. He doesn’t come to New Year’s… he doesn’t usually come to gatherings like this at all. To be fair,” she added, almost muttering to herself, “it almost never happens that the other thirteen are all together away from the estate.”

“Thirteen? What thirteen?”

Kinu blinked rapidly. “Huh? Oh, um…” She sighed. “Okay, you’re going to hear this sooner or later. The thirteen Sohma aunts and uncles that are here this weekend—Hiro, Kisa, Momiji, Haru, Rin, Yuki, Kyo, Kagura, Ritsu, um… my dad, Shigure, Ayame, Akito… and then Kureno… they used to be…  _ close _ , I guess is the best word? They kind of grew up together, but some bad things happened, and Kureno ended up moving away. That was a long time ago, but we still don’t see him very often. He thinks it’s difficult for Akito-san, even though my dad has tried to convince him otherwise…”

“Oh,” Sawa said. “They all had difficult childhoods, right? I feel like Mutsuki mentioned something like that once.”

Kinu nodded. “They did, and they’re still sort of… working through it. It might not feel like much to you, but the fact that everyone is here this week is… pretty amazing. I wonder how long Kureno will stay.”

“Is it true that it’s difficult for Akito-san to see him?” Sawa asked. 

Kinu tilted her head. “I’m not sure, but I bet she’ll be glad he’s here, even if it is a little difficult.”

“I see... Well, I hope Akito-san is okay,” Sawa muttered. 

“I think she is,” Kinu said, resting her chin on her hands. “More than okay, even.”

The boys won the second volleyball match of the day, much to Emi’s dismay. Arisa and her girls sat on the sidelines with Hibika, Chizuru, Shiki, and most of the parents. Akito and Kureno even joined after a while, standing in the back to watch the game. Sawa couldn’t help but notice that Arisa cheered loudly for both sides. Her cheers and Tohru’s laughter were present throughout the whole game. After the girls lost, Emi and Mina lowered the net so Arisa’s daughters could play with them. Sawa sat next to Shiki at the side of the makeshift court while Sora, Mutsuki and Hajime decided to run into the ocean to cool off. The sun was setting by the time everyone trudged inside to clean up and get ready for dinner.

When the moon rose, everyone was back on the beach again—Momiji had gotten out the fireworks. Emi ran around handing out sparklers and lighting them for everyone while Arisa’s daughters looked for solid ground where they could throw snappers. Kisa stood on the porch so Kaori could see the sparklers and spinners, but retreated into the house as soon as Kyo, Haru, Riku, and Kento started setting off the huge bottle rockets, firecrackers, and roman candles.

In between the squealing and popping of the fireworks, Shiki whispered to Sawa, “Want to take a walk?” She could hear the smile in his voice.

She wound her fingers through his and let him pull her away from all the noise, toward an empty stretch of beach.

“Based on the number of firecrackers Momiji brought last year, they’ll be at it for a while,” Shiki said. “I thought you might be okay with a break.”

“Definitely.”

“Good… I think your volleyball playing improved between the first match and the second,” Shiki said casually. 

“Oh, shush!” Sawa bumped her shoulder into his.

Shiki laughed. “Did you get a lot of studying done this afternoon?”

“Yeah, a fair amount.”

“That’s good to hear.”

As they walked, Sawa wondered how many more times they would get to walk hand in hand like this. In less than a year, she would be at university who-knows-where, living in a new place without the Sohmas. She would be leaving behind everything she knew. Again.

“What are you thinking about?” Shiki asked. “You’re never this quiet.”

“I, um…” Sawa blinked back unexpected tears. “I keep telling myself it’s silly, but next year, when I leave... I can’t help feeling like… like I’m going to lose you. Is it really possible for us to stay close? I mean, we don’t have that much history, honestly, just a few years, and it’s not like I’m part of the Sohma clan, so we have no real reason to see each other after—”

“Sawa,” Shiki interrupted, putting a hand on her arm to stop her walking. “Do you want me to stay close to you?”

Sawa bit her lip and looked up at him. “...Yes.”

He leaned down and kissed her. “Then I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... I have to say a final huge thank you to everyone who has read, commented, shared and left me kudos. You are the real reason I was able to finish this story. I appreciate you more than I can say!


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